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Too many thoughts, not enough time to say them

Rayyah

Hi - I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this.

One of the hardest parts of being autistic for me is that I have so much information and so many thoughts in my head, but I can't always get them out quickly enough. By the time I've worked out how to explain something, the conversation has often moved on, or people have lost patience with me. It can be really frustrating because I know what I want to say, it just doesn't come out at the same speed.

Recently, I've had several important people in my life, including bosses and directors, tell me things like, "You need to stop talking," or, "Now isn't the time." I understand that sometimes there are appropriate times for discussions, but the way it's been said has left me feeling like I'm being told to just be quiet.

It makes me feel like a child who's being silenced rather than an adult who's simply trying to communicate. I find it really patronising and invalidating, especially when I'm already putting so much effort into expressing myself. It leaves me questioning whether people are listening to what I'm saying or just wishing I'd stop talking.

I also find social situations exhausting. Noisy places make it difficult to concentrate on conversations, and trying to keep up with everything that's happening, while also masking, leaves me completely drained afterwards.

Something else I struggle with is that people often don't believe I'm autistic because I'm intelligent or because I don't fit their idea of what autism "looks like." Even if I'm wearing my autism lanyard or badges, or I tell someone, "Sorry, I'm autistic," I still get comments like, "You don't seem autistic." It's really disheartening because autism doesn't have one look, and being intelligent doesn't make someone any less autistic.

I think people underestimate how much effort goes into socialising. Interpreting conversations, reading body language, dealing with sensory overload, trying to respond in the "right" way, and worrying about saying the wrong thing all happen at once. It can become overwhelming very quickly.

I'd really like to know if anyone else experiences this, especially feeling like your brain is full of information but your mouth can't keep up, or feeling like people lose patience because it takes you longer to process and explain things.

Parents

  • Sorry I do have a personal hate of the sunflower lanyards - I guess its personal choice, and your experience of wearing them is probably one of the very reasons I would not wear them.  If others find them of use then they must not mind NT's saying the wrong thing because of their limited knowledge or Autism and Neurodiversity, but that (NT lack of awareness - and understanding) for me is not my problem to solve

    I personally prefer to do limited disclosure to NTs (family included) , yet within ND groups I have no problem - my view is trying to get an NT to understand us is pretty much near impossible whatever the setting is, so why bother as obviously it then can cause you more anxiety

    Also why expose yourself to situations which overwhelm you or drain your batteries.   How I socialise is different to what NTs consider socialising and I choose low demand settings.  Typical NT therapist  may call this avoidance (and they say this is bad for me ) - but I largely do what I need to do and avoid other stuff which to me is unnecessary - it's being kinder to myself .  Work is something I need to do, rather than want, that does take it's toll for sure, and is probably the hardest area of our lives being ND, regardless of how Disability/ND aware your colleagues or employer is.


    BTW are you AuDHD like me ? or if not have you even considered it or looked into it.  Just came to mind when reading some of your comments

Reply

  • Sorry I do have a personal hate of the sunflower lanyards - I guess its personal choice, and your experience of wearing them is probably one of the very reasons I would not wear them.  If others find them of use then they must not mind NT's saying the wrong thing because of their limited knowledge or Autism and Neurodiversity, but that (NT lack of awareness - and understanding) for me is not my problem to solve

    I personally prefer to do limited disclosure to NTs (family included) , yet within ND groups I have no problem - my view is trying to get an NT to understand us is pretty much near impossible whatever the setting is, so why bother as obviously it then can cause you more anxiety

    Also why expose yourself to situations which overwhelm you or drain your batteries.   How I socialise is different to what NTs consider socialising and I choose low demand settings.  Typical NT therapist  may call this avoidance (and they say this is bad for me ) - but I largely do what I need to do and avoid other stuff which to me is unnecessary - it's being kinder to myself .  Work is something I need to do, rather than want, that does take it's toll for sure, and is probably the hardest area of our lives being ND, regardless of how Disability/ND aware your colleagues or employer is.


    BTW are you AuDHD like me ? or if not have you even considered it or looked into it.  Just came to mind when reading some of your comments

Children
  • in reply to Jalapeno

    I completely get where you're coming from with the sunflower lanyards. For me it's a bit different because I have multiple chronic conditions, and AuDHD is just one piece of the puzzle. My university gave me the lanyard, so I mainly wear it there and sometimes when I'm using public transport. Outside of those situations I generally don't wear it.

    I also agree that trying to get some NTs to understand can feel impossible. The places I struggle most are university and work because people have become more vocal about having issues with the way I communicate. It often feels like I could explain myself until I'm blue in the face and it still wouldn't make any difference, which is exhausting.

    As for avoiding overwhelming situations, I'm actually quite similar. University, work, and medical appointments are the things that drain me the most because they're unavoidable. Outside of that, I'm not very social, I have a few friends I chat to on WhatsApp, but I don't really go out or attend social events. Even with such a limited social life, the things I have to do still use up a lot of my energy.

    And yes, I am diagnosed AuDHD. I can't remember if I mentioned it in my original post, but yes, I have both autism and ADHD.