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10 years in a public sector job and I'm being penalised year after year

Pickle

Hey, I'm new here folks.

I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 38.  I've completed 2 honours degrees at university (Product Design Engineering and Mathematics and Statistics) not to try get a job, but because I love these subjects.

The company I work in I've started from the bottom as an advisor, then developing team leader, then practitioner specialist in government legislation (I can't say what the specific legislation is as I have to remain anonymous), and then finally I moved to front line IT support.  

Now the IT support, I absolutely LOVED, like the saying "If you enjoy your job, you'll never work a day in your life" kept going through my head.  But in early 2024 the manager created a quality checking process.  However, none of us were taught in a uniform fashion.  So although the outcome to the end user was the same, I kept getting 0% (rather than showing me how she wants it done and then if I do it again I get 0%) for not following a processes I wasn't trained in.

There's many examples of bullying, being picked on and my manager and her colleague in the team simply not understanding that I think differently, so I may have to ask odd questions.  

Since the age of 5 my Mum has said I've always talked about not wanting to be here.  This has never gone away, I don't want to live constantly depressed and belittled, I gave myself up to a certain age and if I had not achieved something in life I knew where, when and how I would do it (it made me feel better as i knew it didn't matter how bad life gets, it'll be over then).  But just before that specific birthday, my son was born and he means so much to me

I've been made to feel like and idiot and for the first time in 10 years in this new job my manager hasn't given me my bonus like the rest of the team.  The only thing keeping me here is my son.  

I took long term sick and stayed in bed for 3 weeks, eventually my parents talked me into going to a s*****e prevention psychiatrist who I will see every week.  She signposted me to this site.  It's making my parents unwell also.

I've never been around others like me, and I'm just wondering how you cope with it?  Or am I best trying to find a new employer and not tell them about the ASD, as I feel as soon as you say it they have a spotlight on you watching you like a hawk.

I can't find happiness, or enjoyment in anything, only when my son comes to visit (he's 8, and lives with his Mum, again she got annoyed with my ASD), and I try my best to be fun and happy, but underneath I'm struggling, and I few times I've broke down crying and my son is rubbing my shoulder saying "It's ok Dad, let it all out", an 8 year old child shouldn't have to see that.  This has all been since my manager doesn't seem to understand that people with ASD will ask questions, she said it takes up too much of her time (I counted between 30 to 35 questions over 3 months).

Has anyone else felt/been in this situation?  And have you got any tips on how to overcome the way I'm feeling to feel happy again?  I've always been a fitness person (MMA/boxing/Muay Thai) but moved in with my parents to save for a mortgage, and there are no fighting gyms near here.

Thanks 

  • I don't really know about the job part, although it seems like blatant discrimination, I think there is some really good advice on how to procede below. 

    I just wanted to say you are doing an amazing job as a father just by being there -caring about them is such a huge deal. And yeah like glint said below, it's okay to show emotions in front of him, it actually models that it's okay to cry when upset and that it's just part of life and is really healthy. 

    Being happy after such a low is very hard, it takes time and baby steps and some people just always seem to have sadness gently there in the background. But you can focus on the small things, plan things to do with your son, they don't need to be big or cost money, just trips to the park, playing hide and seek, drawing together, even if you aren't great at it, kids still love the connection and hanging out together, even if it's quietly sitting side by side. Make forts in the living room if your parents don't mind.

    And do things for you too, like little walks out in nature, finding exercise you can do local to you if you can't keep up the fighting based gym stuff (even if it's routines in the living room following along with videos). It can be hard filling time, but keeping yourself busy, either getting justice for yourself fighting the discrimination you are facing, or working on it or just doing small things to help work on your mental happiness levels. It's okay not to anyways feel it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep going, that is a quiet sort of bravery too.

    Best wishes with it all!

  • Pickle said:
    in early 2024 the manager created a quality checking process.  However, none of us were taught in a uniform fashion.  So although the outcome to the end user was the same, I kept getting 0% (rather than showing me how she wants it done and then if I do it again I get 0%) for not following a processes I wasn't trained in.

    I can give some pointers for this as i was an IT manager for support for 4 decades and specialised in best practice.

    Your manager should have given detailed documentation in how to perform the quality checking process so you can refer back to it and use it to perform your job. if they are relying on word of mouth training then they are failing to provide adequate resources for something they use to measure your bonuses against, so if i was in your shoes I would ask for this and if they cannot produce it then I would volunteer to produce it for them and use the process to become a specialist, thus teaching myself in the process and preventing the same thing from happening to others.

    Next I would look at the cases where I scored 0% and work out what I was doing wrong. Continual Improvement is a core part of IT job progression so this is expected. I would make the first attempts to improve using email to your manager saying that you don't understand what went wrong here and could they help me improve. Failure for them to provide this option to do so is a great base for me to raise a complaint to HR or to be part of a case of discrimination further down the line.

    I used to be a specialist in fixing failing IT support teams and managers like this are a common root cause. That said, employees need to learn to take the initiative and where the rules are obscure then you need to find a way to take control and define the rules - it can be more work but this is a core part of ITIL best practice so you can use it ot help demonstrate both team spirit (ie helping others with the documentation), self improvement (by learning and applying the rules) and building the documentation base for the whole department.

    If found that this gave me more of a sense of control which gave more confidence as a result, and as a side benefit i go to do more documentation which got me away from front line tasks as well.

    In my experience the front line support teams are an entry point for staff into IT and a dumping ground for less capable staff from other it teams so can be a real mixed bag of characters which does not help. I would not recommend staying here if you are an autist as the managers are rarely very good from the many companies I have worked for. 

    Admittedly it was companies who had problems with these teams who would call me in so this may give a skewed view.

  • It’s very painful to hear how difficult you are finding things. It’s wonderful that your parents are able to support you. And I think it’s okay to be vulnerable in front of your son; there are no rules that say a child can’t see their parent upset. It sounds as if you have had plenty of success in your job at other periods of your life, so perhaps one day you’ll find a way to do that again.

    Perhaps there is some discrimination taking place; but maybe the first step is to try and mend the relationship with your manager through some kind of mediation. Maybe your manager is having a hard time too.

    Are you still off work?

  • Hello Pickle.

    Welcome to the NAS - hopefully, you will find this to be a space where you can feel accepted for being genuinely yourself.

    Nobody deserves to feel belittled and criticised for being authentic, you are certainly not an idiot - I found myself to be in a similar position during a previous role, I highly empathise with you.

    While I can see that our community has already begun to share feedback and experiences, I would like to share NAS resources relating to depression, finances, and seeking appropriate workplace support:


    Depression

    What support can I get at work


    It might also be worthwhile to investigate our Service Directory, if you wish to search for support in your local area:

    Autism Services Directory


    You deserve all the support you are entitled to in this situation., and I wish you the best going forwards.


    Thanks - Zac Mod.

  • If you want to keep the job the government as you probably know has some advice and steps how to proceed with discrimination at work. You could see an occupational therapist and you could tell them about how your autism affects you and the reasonable adjustments that you need. Talk to them if you need to disclose your autism to your boss.

    You could email your boss or write them a letter that you will be contacting an OT or putting in a complaint and they could respond to this. There are lawyers for rights at work.

    It is shame that nobody has showed you what to do. If they do you may wish to record it if you are allowed to.

    This is the link to the government website. 

    www.gov.uk/.../discrimination-at-work