10 years in a public sector job and I'm being penalised year after year

Hey, I'm new here folks.

I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 38.  I've completed 2 honours degrees at university (Product Design Engineering and Mathematics and Statistics) not to try get a job, but because I love these subjects.

The company I work in I've started from the bottom as an advisor, then developing team leader, then practitioner specialist in government legislation (I can't say what the specific legislation is as I have to remain anonymous), and then finally I moved to front line IT support.  

Now the IT support, I absolutely LOVED, like the saying "If you enjoy your job, you'll never work a day in your life" kept going through my head.  But in early 2024 the manager created a quality checking process.  However, none of us were taught in a uniform fashion.  So although the outcome to the end user was the same, I kept getting 0% (rather than showing me how she wants it done and then if I do it again I get 0%) for not following a processes I wasn't trained in.

There's many examples of bullying, being picked on and my manager and her colleague in the team simply not understanding that I think differently, so I may have to ask odd questions.  

Since the age of 5 my Mum has said I've always talked about not wanting to be here.  This has never gone away, I don't want to live constantly depressed and belittled, I gave myself up to a certain age and if I had not achieved something in life I knew where, when and how I would do it (it made me feel better as i knew it didn't matter how bad life gets, it'll be over then).  But just before that specific birthday, my son was born and he means so much to me

I've been made to feel like and idiot and for the first time in 10 years in this new job my manager hasn't given me my bonus like the rest of the team.  The only thing keeping me here is my son.  

I took long term sick and stayed in bed for 3 weeks, eventually my parents talked me into going to a s*****e prevention psychiatrist who I will see every week.  She signposted me to this site.  It's making my parents unwell also.

I've never been around others like me, and I'm just wondering how you cope with it?  Or am I best trying to find a new employer and not tell them about the ASD, as I feel as soon as you say it they have a spotlight on you watching you like a hawk.

I can't find happiness, or enjoyment in anything, only when my son comes to visit (he's 8, and lives with his Mum, again she got annoyed with my ASD), and I try my best to be fun and happy, but underneath I'm struggling, and I few times I've broke down crying and my son is rubbing my shoulder saying "It's ok Dad, let it all out", an 8 year old child shouldn't have to see that.  This has all been since my manager doesn't seem to understand that people with ASD will ask questions, she said it takes up too much of her time (I counted between 30 to 35 questions over 3 months).

Has anyone else felt/been in this situation?  And have you got any tips on how to overcome the way I'm feeling to feel happy again?  I've always been a fitness person (MMA/boxing/Muay Thai) but moved in with my parents to save for a mortgage, and there are no fighting gyms near here.

Thanks 

Parents
  • in early 2024 the manager created a quality checking process.  However, none of us were taught in a uniform fashion.  So although the outcome to the end user was the same, I kept getting 0% (rather than showing me how she wants it done and then if I do it again I get 0%) for not following a processes I wasn't trained in.

    I can give some pointers for this as i was an IT manager for support for 4 decades and specialised in best practice.

    Your manager should have given detailed documentation in how to perform the quality checking process so you can refer back to it and use it to perform your job. if they are relying on word of mouth training then they are failing to provide adequate resources for something they use to measure your bonuses against, so if i was in your shoes I would ask for this and if they cannot produce it then I would volunteer to produce it for them and use the process to become a specialist, thus teaching myself in the process and preventing the same thing from happening to others.

    Next I would look at the cases where I scored 0% and work out what I was doing wrong. Continual Improvement is a core part of IT job progression so this is expected. I would make the first attempts to improve using email to your manager saying that you don't understand what went wrong here and could they help me improve. Failure for them to provide this option to do so is a great base for me to raise a complaint to HR or to be part of a case of discrimination further down the line.

    I used to be a specialist in fixing failing IT support teams and managers like this are a common root cause. That said, employees need to learn to take the initiative and where the rules are obscure then you need to find a way to take control and define the rules - it can be more work but this is a core part of ITIL best practice so you can use it ot help demonstrate both team spirit (ie helping others with the documentation), self improvement (by learning and applying the rules) and building the documentation base for the whole department.

    If found that this gave me more of a sense of control which gave more confidence as a result, and as a side benefit i go to do more documentation which got me away from front line tasks as well.

    In my experience the front line support teams are an entry point for staff into IT and a dumping ground for less capable staff from other it teams so can be a real mixed bag of characters which does not help. I would not recommend staying here if you are an autist as the managers are rarely very good from the many companies I have worked for. 

    Admittedly it was companies who had problems with these teams who would call me in so this may give a skewed view.

Reply
  • in early 2024 the manager created a quality checking process.  However, none of us were taught in a uniform fashion.  So although the outcome to the end user was the same, I kept getting 0% (rather than showing me how she wants it done and then if I do it again I get 0%) for not following a processes I wasn't trained in.

    I can give some pointers for this as i was an IT manager for support for 4 decades and specialised in best practice.

    Your manager should have given detailed documentation in how to perform the quality checking process so you can refer back to it and use it to perform your job. if they are relying on word of mouth training then they are failing to provide adequate resources for something they use to measure your bonuses against, so if i was in your shoes I would ask for this and if they cannot produce it then I would volunteer to produce it for them and use the process to become a specialist, thus teaching myself in the process and preventing the same thing from happening to others.

    Next I would look at the cases where I scored 0% and work out what I was doing wrong. Continual Improvement is a core part of IT job progression so this is expected. I would make the first attempts to improve using email to your manager saying that you don't understand what went wrong here and could they help me improve. Failure for them to provide this option to do so is a great base for me to raise a complaint to HR or to be part of a case of discrimination further down the line.

    I used to be a specialist in fixing failing IT support teams and managers like this are a common root cause. That said, employees need to learn to take the initiative and where the rules are obscure then you need to find a way to take control and define the rules - it can be more work but this is a core part of ITIL best practice so you can use it ot help demonstrate both team spirit (ie helping others with the documentation), self improvement (by learning and applying the rules) and building the documentation base for the whole department.

    If found that this gave me more of a sense of control which gave more confidence as a result, and as a side benefit i go to do more documentation which got me away from front line tasks as well.

    In my experience the front line support teams are an entry point for staff into IT and a dumping ground for less capable staff from other it teams so can be a real mixed bag of characters which does not help. I would not recommend staying here if you are an autist as the managers are rarely very good from the many companies I have worked for. 

    Admittedly it was companies who had problems with these teams who would call me in so this may give a skewed view.

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