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Anyone else not wanting to socialise?

forget_me_not48

Hi, fairly new to the forum and just diagnosed as a 48 year old female.

Im pondering the contentious world of socialising. I woke up this morning fantasizing about a world where I dont ever have to socialize with family, the in laws. I have managed to secure a world for myself where I have two friends with no social demands. Anyway my partner has family who have regular meet ups. It’s all small talk and gossip, and a barrage of words lots of words and noise and body language. I’m expected to attend and I’m becoming angry about it, because the MIL is becoming offended and notices/comments when I don’t. It’s a pressure that’s made me resentful. When I imagine a world where I don’t have to conform, where I could be totally alone and be free of others expectations, it makes me happy, exhilarated and excited. A world I can just be myself and live in peace and happiness with my routines and my books.

Im wondering if anyone else feels this way and how have you managed to navigate social demands/explaining to people your diagnosis? My problem is that people have known me for 48 years without autism, so it’s going to be an uphill battle communicating my needs and not being understood :( I don’t know where to start. If I could just remove people, I feel life would be happier and I’d be very contented and peaceful Shrug tone2‍female sign️

Im also angry because I don’t expect people to spend 10 hours straight researching interests or sitting in a dark quiet room not speaking for days on end so why are we expected to fit in? What is the middle ground here and how can we make life work?

Parents

  • I don’t know if you are a female or not, but females at adolescence are generally considered most with autism to have better social interaction that males with autism.

    The fact that you have been diagnosed autism doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be social at all. If it is really difficult say exceptionally loud then that may be a reason sometimes.  Family are often important it is good to try and make an effort if you can.

    I coped going to family events with moderate sensory some 2’s in social interaction and communication.

    I tried to have breaks and went upstairs and in a quiet room for breaks.  Going on the floor at times helped me to ground myself to.

    You could take a fidget and may be have a comfort item.

    I could stay for a few hours and then go.  Last time I went to a house gathering I had severe anorexia also and managed it for a few hours.

  • in reply to RachelO

    Yes I’m female. Females with autism arnt always better at socializing. It just appears this way but doesn’t always feel this way to the individual. This is due to masking, and social expectations that females must conversate, be empathetic and amiable. Everybody thinks Im confident when 100% of the time I’m struggling. This is the masking and trying to fit in. I guess this is why I just don’t want to do it. 

  • in reply to forget_me_not48

    I didn't write that all adolescent girls were always better at socialisation. Anyway, it is an interesting area. I had no idea of masking around 12.

    I found this recent finding quite interesting.

    "Specifically, they found evidence of more advanced social skills in autistic females than males that mirror sex/gender differences in non-autistic individuals.

    Our findings suggest that there are important differences between autistic males and females in terms of their social presentation, which are likely not captured by current diagnostic instruments”, explains Wood-Downie. “This issue might contribute to the under reporting and late recognition of autism in females, thereby delaying access to support”.

    www.acamh.org/.../

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  • in reply to forget_me_not48

    I didn't write that all adolescent girls were always better at socialisation. Anyway, it is an interesting area. I had no idea of masking around 12.

    I found this recent finding quite interesting.

    "Specifically, they found evidence of more advanced social skills in autistic females than males that mirror sex/gender differences in non-autistic individuals.

    Our findings suggest that there are important differences between autistic males and females in terms of their social presentation, which are likely not captured by current diagnostic instruments”, explains Wood-Downie. “This issue might contribute to the under reporting and late recognition of autism in females, thereby delaying access to support”.

    www.acamh.org/.../

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