• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 85 subscribers
  • Views 289 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Needing Any Kind of Advice

posymum

Hello :)

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 8 and then again last year. It is something I hadn't accepted about myself until now, at which I am drowning. I don't know where to go for support and I don't know how to help myself. Everything is very new to me since I've tried very hard to be "normal" for a long time. Now that I am also a single mum, it has made things that much more difficult. It is so difficult to do daily tasks, like cooking or cleaning. I do everything for my son and then I just sit there. I am so overwhelmed with everything from the sudden sharp sounds that make me intensely angry to something simple like remembering my birthdate.

I am trying to hold it together. I am trying to finish university. I have been trying to finish university for 10 years. Things that take people 20 minutes takes me 3 hours. And interacting with people is exhausting that I really want to stay in the house, but I cannot because of my son. I have worked so hard to learn how to fix my face and when to laugh and what questions to ask and how to respond to things. I have done too well with masking that no one believes me or will help me and I don't know how to turn it off and at the same time, I am so exhausted and I want to stop. I have been copying other people for so long that I don't even know who I am. On top of this, I don't know how I'm going to support my son because I cannot keep a job or find one in the first place. I am so, so tired. Everything feels impossible and I am on the verge of screaming and crying every single day. I feel like I am going to explode..

  • Hi, sounds overwhelming. I can relate to the ‘exploding’ feeling … when we ‘mask’, not letting our true feelings/self out can build up like a volcano. There’s a good youtube channel called ‘ADHD Chatter’; … covers Autism too and has great guests on, including Christine McGuiness who has Autism and kids with Autism. There might be some tips on there. It’s v emotional, so just a heads up there.

    I have Auadhd … no kids, I admire you for being able to deal with everything! Can barely deal with myself face with hand over mouth I think you can get free counselling through your gp surgery? I really wish you well … we’re very different ages, and pray things will improve soon re how People with Autism/ADHD are respected and Prayderstood. Re Hospital … remember you can get a ‘Hospital Passport’ drawn up … ie outlining your ‘needs’ re Autism … away from bright lights, noise, how the consultants should speak with you, etc. SoPray Hospitals have Teams who support People with Autism while in the Hospital System, speak up on your behalf etc. People keep telling me to take care of myself more (I’m a carer for someone with AutisPray … I do agree it’s important, and possible … I’m getting better at doing so, even if it’s just lighting a candle to cheer myself up! It does sound like you need a ‘pressure valve’ of some kind, somePraying just for yourself … sending positive thoughts PraySparklesHeart️

  • Anna Mod has given you some great links. I wanted to make sure you have applied for Universal Credit and if you have been rejected, apply again! 

    I also wanted to acknowledge how difficult it is, say it's OK to cry and I hope things improve for you soon. Being a single parent is really exhausting especially the early years. I know this is no real practical help but sometimes it's nice to know people are wishing you well.

  • I am glad that you have had more time to do your degree that you need. Some people though myself included wouldn't be able to tackle the next thing in life until it was completed and I would find it stressful. It would just be hanging over me. This can be an autistic trait-I don't know how it applies to you. Some things in your post made me think of ADHD as well because some people with ADHD can struggle to complete tasks. I would have thought if that would have been an issue they would mentioned it at your diagnosis. 

    I have known parents who didn't work and just raised children and felt fulfilled. They had their interests going on in their life as well. May be you are underestimating what you are doing.

    As for cooking may be you can try and make the meals easier for yourself-perhaps some high quality ready meals or easy meals in the week and more cooked meals on the weekend. Try not to think about the housework too much, it can be stressful but sometimes I have to override what I feel and just proceed at times, I succeed at that sometimes, but sometimes I will delay it until I feel a bit brighter.

  • Hello posymum, 

    Thank you for your post. You are managing a very heavy workload as well as caring for a child. Please be kind to yourself and celebrate what you are achieving. Take some time to write down what you are worried about and some ideas on how to address them. You can only do so much and take your time to work through slowly. 

    There is a advice and guidance section on our website which may offer some helpful advice to you. Take your time to read through the following and please look after yourself. 

    Here is some advice about organising

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/organising-and-prioritising

    Some advice about meltdowns here which may help you understand your feelings of being overwhelmed

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/meltdowns

    Mental health and wellbeing

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/mental-health-and-wellbeing

    There is also a directory where you can type in your postcode and see of there is anything to help you in your local area

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I really hope something there helps you. 

    Please do say if you would like any more support.

    With best wishes, 

    Anna Mod