Hello :)
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 8 and then again last year. It is something I hadn't accepted about myself until now, at which I am drowning. I don't know where to go for support and I don't know how to help myself. Everything is very new to me since I've tried very hard to be "normal" for a long time. Now that I am also a single mum, it has made things that much more difficult. It is so difficult to do daily tasks, like cooking or cleaning. I do everything for my son and then I just sit there. I am so overwhelmed with everything from the sudden sharp sounds that make me intensely angry to something simple like remembering my birthdate.
I am trying to hold it together. I am trying to finish university. I have been trying to finish university for 10 years. Things that take people 20 minutes takes me 3 hours. And interacting with people is exhausting that I really want to stay in the house, but I cannot because of my son. I have worked so hard to learn how to fix my face and when to laugh and what questions to ask and how to respond to things. I have done too well with masking that no one believes me or will help me and I don't know how to turn it off and at the same time, I am so exhausted and I want to stop. I have been copying other people for so long that I don't even know who I am. On top of this, I don't know how I'm going to support my son because I cannot keep a job or find one in the first place. I am so, so tired. Everything feels impossible and I am on the verge of screaming and crying every single day. I feel like I am going to explode..