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Surprises.

Roy

Does anyone else struggle with surprises?

My wife has surprised me with some concert tickets for later in the year. I feel mean for not reacting in the way expected. It caused me to shutdown as there were too many variables to think about. I’m then thought of as not being grateful. I very much need to examine something before it being suddenly being put on my internal calendar.

In truth I have always hated surprises, I’m supposed to look forward to the event, I will definitely be thinking about it for months, but for different reasons. Travel, parking, hotel, and food, to name a few. The thoughts will invade my brain, at the same time I’m expected to smile and seem excited. Sorry for what seems like me being ungrateful, I don’t have anyone else who might understand.

Parents

  • Do you like theatre, have you ever expressed a wish to see this production?

    I totally understand how you feel, I'd be on the verge of a melt down if someone did that to me, I'm not a fan of surprises at the best of times, I try telling people the only difference between a surprise and a shock is how welcome it is, if it's welcome its a surprise if it isn't then its a shock. I'd have the same worries as you about where to stay, what I could eat, being surrounded by loads of people.

    I don't think you're ungrateful, but I think your wife may be a bit inconsiderate

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I’ve never thought of it that way, yes it is a shock,  the theatre was mentioned weeks ago and i quickly changed the subject. I just feel, if I say outrightly no to something then I’m not trying hard enough.  Well everyone else will be enjoying themselves.

  • in reply to Roy

    I say no anyway, sometimes I get presented with a fait acompli and am expected to go along with it and I don't, I did my heels in and refuse point blank and channel my inner mule. I get accused of all sorts of things, PDA among them, embarasment of partners and friends going alone to something. But when I ask why I should be made to feel uncomfortable to the point of feeling unwell, they don't have an answer to that. I think us latelings need to stand up for ourselves more and not be bullied by an NT consensus that "we're OK really and can do it if we really want to", NT's need to understand that it's not that simple or easy, we're autistic not stupid and if it were that easy we'd have done it years ago. I've given people a running comentary of what goes through my head when something like this is sprung on me, they don't like it, but it does, if even temporarily give them an insight into why these things are so difficult, although I do get the totally infuriating 'but you don't have to think like that', at which point I just give up and the whole thing becomes a full on row.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Before autism rode into town, as an event got nearer I would totally withdraw and become non verbal. It’s caused massive problems in the past. 

    TheCatWoman said:
    I've given people a running comentary of what goes through my head when something like this is sprung on me

    It’s similar to be the the usual greeting of, “how are you?” I don’t think they really want to know the truth,  the expected answer is “okay,” not the truth. I don’t think they can even imagine the amount of traffic that goes through our heads.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Before autism rode into town, as an event got nearer I would totally withdraw and become non verbal. It’s caused massive problems in the past. 

    TheCatWoman said:
    I've given people a running comentary of what goes through my head when something like this is sprung on me

    It’s similar to be the the usual greeting of, “how are you?” I don’t think they really want to know the truth,  the expected answer is “okay,” not the truth. I don’t think they can even imagine the amount of traffic that goes through our heads.

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