• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 81 subscribers
  • Views 43 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

A Rant

jayjayxxx

Hey everyone,

As a woman with AuDHD, I find it really difficult to navigate some struggles with my self-concept.

I am a person who has entered a circle of people with relative social power around London. I have always been ostracised from social groups and the "cool kids" growing up, I always felt different. What absolutely shocks me is that even now, at 23, it feels as if people with higher social status consistently identify me as different and target me. I have had a recent experience where someone started a horrible rumour about me, and my Autism has not let that go for months, feeling a massive discrepancy between who I really am and who other perceive me to be or talk about me. Also, no one ever shows an interest to get to know me properly, and it is always my friends who design my social life, while I just follow like a passenger.

I find it so insane that I am almost always sniffed out by these (predominantly men) social butterflies. How can they see that I am different before I even can, and how come, at my age, still feel bullied and left out like my younger self despite my inherent desire to just connect, human-to-human?

It just feels like who I am on the inside and who I am seen as are two polar opposite people.

I would love to know your guys's lived experience with this as well :)

Parents

  • I understand your struggles. What helped me understand the NT mind was reading a book - "A field guide to earthlings" by Ian Ford. 

    I hope that this community helps to give you a sense of belonging.

  • in reply to Lotus

    I will definitely give the book a read :) thank you so much 

  • in reply to jayjayxxx

    I've experienced similar stuff, when I was your age, it was my age that was a problem, I was to young and people who I'd been talking to quite happily for a while would find out I was 10 years younger than them and then start patronising me. I've been called weird all my life and treated as other, had partners try and "make me better" or more socially acceptable. It is tiring, hurtful and ultimately boring, I mean how old are these people, 9? I think many NT's keep that playground dynamic their whole lives. Then theres the class predators, being a political person form a young age, I found myself being used as both a sort of working class mascot and scapegoat, hailed for being genuine working class and scapegoated for disagreeing with so much of the middle class BS that poured forth.

    Ultimately it made me be more authentically me, I found that if I was going to liked or disliked, agreed with or disagreed with, it was going to be for who and what I really am, not for what people thought I ought to be. I learned to be OK with walking away, that it was better for my mental health, sometime I was lonely, I'd look at all the people playing happy families and wonder why I couldn't have that too. Ultimately it's because it's a game and one I didn't want to play.

Reply
  • in reply to jayjayxxx

    I've experienced similar stuff, when I was your age, it was my age that was a problem, I was to young and people who I'd been talking to quite happily for a while would find out I was 10 years younger than them and then start patronising me. I've been called weird all my life and treated as other, had partners try and "make me better" or more socially acceptable. It is tiring, hurtful and ultimately boring, I mean how old are these people, 9? I think many NT's keep that playground dynamic their whole lives. Then theres the class predators, being a political person form a young age, I found myself being used as both a sort of working class mascot and scapegoat, hailed for being genuine working class and scapegoated for disagreeing with so much of the middle class BS that poured forth.

    Ultimately it made me be more authentically me, I found that if I was going to liked or disliked, agreed with or disagreed with, it was going to be for who and what I really am, not for what people thought I ought to be. I learned to be OK with walking away, that it was better for my mental health, sometime I was lonely, I'd look at all the people playing happy families and wonder why I couldn't have that too. Ultimately it's because it's a game and one I didn't want to play.

Children
No Data