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Why does this keep happening? — Stuck in a loop

Myoshka

I kept ending up in the same situation.

Different job. Different relationship.

Same result. Same patterns.

 

A lifetime of repetition. Over a decade and a half in therapy. Still I couldn’t break it.

Push. Burnout. Collapse. Shutdown. Rebuild. Repeat.

 

12 months ago I started designing a system with AI to track the patterns.

Not like the therapy I’ve had. Not following any model I’d used.

 

I’m autistic + ADHD, with Complex PTSD sitting underneath it.

Diagnosed late at 47, after building a system that helped me track what was actually happening.

 

The patterns I mapped aren’t just personal.

They show up in how systems treat people too — health, money, care.

 

The same cost pushed onto people already carrying too much.

Same failures. Same negligence.

 

I’m not pitching a product.

I’m looking for people who can read this and understand what it is.

People who think like this.

Who understand it without needing it translated.

 

People who could help take this further —

people like me, like you.

 

I just want to know if you recognise it —

the loops, the repetition, the sense that no amount of effort shifts the outcome.

 

And whether seeing it mapped like this would have changed anything for you.

 

If you’re someone who thinks like this.

If you work in law, or know someone this would resonate with.

If you’re autistic, or understand masking from the inside.

 

If this lands with you, say something.

Parents

  • I kept ending up in the same situation
    Different job, same final station
    Being undervalued, being overlooked,
    No matter which routes or choices I took

    Management cashed in on the skills that I brought
    My reward was more work, but pay increase nought
    They dangled a carrot which turned into a stick,
    Then wondered why I took time off sick.

    Burn out , exhaustion, shutdowns and tears,
    Nobody really understood my fears
    So I gave in my notice, left that nightmare and then,
    I got a new job and it all started again.

    Decades of this loop, always so tired
    Until last year, when I finally retired.
    The system still doesn't favour me
    But at least from the world of work I am free.

  • in reply to Lotus

    That reads exactly like the loop.

    Effort going up, return going down.

    Carrot → stick. Then burnout. Then reset.

    And then it starts again.

    The part I was trying to understand is whether that loop can be seen clearly enough while it’s happening, not just in hindsight after years of it.

    When you look back at it now — did it feel the same each time as it was happening, or did it only become obvious later once you were out of it?

  • in reply to Myoshka
    Myoshka said:
    The part I was trying to understand is whether that loop can be seen clearly enough while it’s happening, not just in hindsight after years of it.

    Not when I was younger, but as I got older I started to recognise the pattern. I never found a way of breaking out of the loop though, just saved as much as possible so I could retire a little earlier.

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  • in reply to Myoshka
    Myoshka said:
    The part I was trying to understand is whether that loop can be seen clearly enough while it’s happening, not just in hindsight after years of it.

    Not when I was younger, but as I got older I started to recognise the pattern. I never found a way of breaking out of the loop though, just saved as much as possible so I could retire a little earlier.

Children
  • in reply to Lotus

    That sounds like recognition came with time and experience. Finding a way through it like that takes a lot. I definitely don’t have your skills when it comes to saving money though!

    For me it went the other way — it just got harder and harder. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I couldn’t explain it. I ended up using AI to sit with it and work through it over time, just to make sense of what I was actually experiencing.

    And when it finally started to make sense, the thing that hit me was how different it could have been if I’d had that earlier. That’s what’s brought me here — realising it might not just be me, and that it could help someone else if they were in the same place.

    Really appreciate your messages — and just to say, you are talking to a human here.

    For transparency: AI has been used assistively to help structure this message =)