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Why does this keep happening? — Stuck in a loop

Myoshka

I kept ending up in the same situation.

Different job. Different relationship.

Same result. Same patterns.

 

A lifetime of repetition. Over a decade and a half in therapy. Still I couldn’t break it.

Push. Burnout. Collapse. Shutdown. Rebuild. Repeat.

 

12 months ago I started designing a system with AI to track the patterns.

Not like the therapy I’ve had. Not following any model I’d used.

 

I’m autistic + ADHD, with Complex PTSD sitting underneath it.

Diagnosed late at 47, after building a system that helped me track what was actually happening.

 

The patterns I mapped aren’t just personal.

They show up in how systems treat people too — health, money, care.

 

The same cost pushed onto people already carrying too much.

Same failures. Same negligence.

 

I’m not pitching a product.

I’m looking for people who can read this and understand what it is.

People who think like this.

Who understand it without needing it translated.

 

People who could help take this further —

people like me, like you.

 

I just want to know if you recognise it —

the loops, the repetition, the sense that no amount of effort shifts the outcome.

 

And whether seeing it mapped like this would have changed anything for you.

 

If you’re someone who thinks like this.

If you work in law, or know someone this would resonate with.

If you’re autistic, or understand masking from the inside.

 

If this lands with you, say something.

Parents

  • I kept ending up in the same situation
    Different job, same final station
    Being undervalued, being overlooked,
    No matter which routes or choices I took

    Management cashed in on the skills that I brought
    My reward was more work, but pay increase nought
    They dangled a carrot which turned into a stick,
    Then wondered why I took time off sick.

    Burn out , exhaustion, shutdowns and tears,
    Nobody really understood my fears
    So I gave in my notice, left that nightmare and then,
    I got a new job and it all started again.

    Decades of this loop, always so tired
    Until last year, when I finally retired.
    The system still doesn't favour me
    But at least from the world of work I am free.

  • in reply to Lotus

    You have highlighted a situation I see. I was employed for a skill, my work continued highlighting strengths of attention to detail. Then they decide everyone has to do the same and the things that don't fit into my skills start to work on the route to another burnout. It then feels that it is my fault I have 'failed again', even though I have tried to explain before getting there.

  • in reply to Homebird

    That’s the point where it shifts.

    You’re brought in for a specific strength, and it works.

    Then the role changes, or gets flattened out so everyone has to operate the same way.

    The fit goes, but the expectation stays.

    And from there it starts building again —

    not because you’ve changed, but because the conditions have.

    The part you said about seeing it coming and trying to explain it before it happens — that’s the bit that stands out.

    Did it feel like the same pattern each time once you were in it, or only once it had already played out again?

Reply
  • in reply to Homebird

    That’s the point where it shifts.

    You’re brought in for a specific strength, and it works.

    Then the role changes, or gets flattened out so everyone has to operate the same way.

    The fit goes, but the expectation stays.

    And from there it starts building again —

    not because you’ve changed, but because the conditions have.

    The part you said about seeing it coming and trying to explain it before it happens — that’s the bit that stands out.

    Did it feel like the same pattern each time once you were in it, or only once it had already played out again?

Children
  • in reply to Homebird

    I hear that. When you’ve gone past where you can get back, everything after that feels like trying to recover something that’s already dropped.

    The part I didn’t see before was that point — where it tips. It always felt like it came out of nowhere, but it didn’t.

    I ended up having to build a way of tracking it more closely, because nothing else was catching it soon enough. Once I could see where that shift actually happens, it changed how early I could pick it up.

    But even with that — there’s still a limit to what you can hold on your own. The environments you’re in matter, and without the support or the language being understood, it still ends up going the same way.

  • in reply to Myoshka

    I think the difficulty is trying to prevent getting there again and previous methods not always working until it is too late. I think there is also a sense of guilt. The difficulty is knowing when you have passed the point where you can't get back.