Not sure how to move forward post diagnosis.

Thank you. It so hard. 

Thank you. Life just feels so impossible right now. I will try to give it time for me to process this and for things to settle. 

I've spent over a year trying to come to terms with how my life could have been different. The grief was intense. I may take you a year or more to process it. It's hard.

Don't bury it. Try to face it. Get angry and upset. But also try to accept it.

Ultimate you have no choice but to try to find a way to look forwards and find new things to.look forwards too. I know this is true, but it is hard to accept, change is hard and letting go feels impossible. But the only alternative is to stay stuck.

Realising things did t have to be this way is sort of false. You are who you are because of the path you followed. You wouldn't be where you are now if you had done different things. You might be better or worse, it is impossible to know. The mind tends to imagine the best case only. 

It takes time to accept. Cognitively you can know things, but the emotional system runs on a different longer schedule.

Be kind to yourself allow it to take time. It will become easier.

Hi Ellie1984 and welcome. I was diagnosed as AuDHD last year, aged 59, so I get your grief about not knowing sooner, but clinical and societal understanding are better these days, so maybe it's a good time to find out. We cannot fix the past but what we can do is recode it with self-compassion, as you didn't know then and neither did the other people who hurt you. This acts as a form of release which will help you focus forwards. A neuro-affirming counsellor can help accelerate this process or you can progress in your own way. We are here to help too in this community. Best of luck and know you are enough - just different in how your brain is wired, and you are not alone in that. 

Thank you. I agree that maybe an earlier diagnosis would have just meant less understanding in society then. I think things are better now. 

Thank you. Im always grateful for any response and support. I've chosen not to disclose my autism to anyone yet so I'm doing this alone which is why this community is so helpful to me right now. 

Dear Ellie1984,

I can see you have already had a really great reply from Bunny (thank you Bunny!)

I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time and it is really good that you have reached out to the community. We are here for you and hope being part of this space helps you feel a little better. 

I can understand why reading resources may be really difficult for you at the moment. It can feel like a lot of information when you are going through overload. I thought I would share one resource that doesn't require to much reading. It is the Autism Services Directory - I thought this may be useful as you could find autism specific services if you wanted to consider therapeutic, social or activities in your area. 

Take care,

Olivia Mod

Thank you for reposting these helpful resources. I have been looking at them and working my way through my thoughts.

Unfortunately, 2 weeks after my autism diagnosis I also recieved some upsetting news around a medical diagnosis of something physical that I'll have to live with now.  It could have been dealt with had I been listened to 20 years ago, but is now too advanced to be cured. I think that's adding to the numbness and overwhelm and has meant I've struggled to process my autism diagnosis and take in any resources as I've been feeling a bit of information overload when it comes to medical stuff. I appreciate you replying again and reminding me of the resources available as I'm struggling to find my way through. 

I've had one post diagnosis meeting with my assessor and have another one next week. I was a little too overwhelmed to make best use of the first one so I'm hoping I'll cope better with the next one to be able to ask more and share more of my thoughts. 

I've done a lot of therapy in the past and feel it caused me some harm by not seeing my autism. That's something I'm trying to figure out if I can work past to ask for more talking therapies. I know this sounds really negative but I'm reluctant to trust another counsellor due to past experience when I was told the potential of me being autistic ( something I raised rather than they suggested) wasn't relevant in counselling. 

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling.

I remember having replied to you after your diagnosis, and sharing some resources - including the one about how we can feel afterwards. That might be worth another read now, as it does include some insights from other autistic people, along with links to read more. So I'll just share them again here, for ease of reference:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

If you haven't yet been offered it, have you looked into taking therapy, which could help you to process your feelings? I found that service very helpful, and chose counselling to help me with that process, rather than therapy.

Either way, given how you're feeling I suggest asking your GP for advice and support. These articles contain some information that might be helpful in that context:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS - Depression  

I hope that something here is helpful, and that you feel more positive soon.

It does sound familiar-ish wondering if/what couldve been different. However, the support may have not been there or beneficial anyway, as it appears its still hard to get support going forward. It's like being in limbo/ suspended amination.  Hang in there and try and make connections. Best of luck going forward that you find yourself.