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The need for perfection

DanielleH

Hi All, 

brand new to this so not sure if I'm using correctly! I'm 31 and was diagnosed last year with both autism and ADHD, also in the process of getting a dyspraxia diagnosis.

I don't know if this is an autism, ADHD, maybe OCD or just a me thing BUT I am such a control freak when it comes to the house. I feel like everything has to be in its correct place all the time. I cant relax if the the tea towel is hung incorrectly, shoes haven't been put away, the sofa cushions aren't fluffed up, blankets are folded correctly etc. I have this constant urge to have the house looking like a show home which is silly because that's so unrealistic!  My husband is not a messy person and always helps with tidying up but when he doesn't do it the way I want it, I become irritable and angry.

Has anyone got any tips to help me let go and relax a bit? Or could suggest a certain therapy they think would be good? I just want to be able to relax and be more chilled out. 

Thank you :)

Parents

  • That control thing? It's not "freak" - it's your brain saying "order = safe." Autism + ADHD love patterns; when the tea towel's wrong, it's like static in your head. Husband's not messy, he's just human. And yes, getting angry? That's the frustration leaking out - nothing personal.

    My take: start tiny. Pick one thing - like the cushions - and let him do it his way. Feel the itch, breathe through it, then say "good enough." It'll sting at first, but it builds tolerance. Therapy? Try ACT - it's great for "accept the urge, don't fight it." Or even a quick sensory Occupational Therapy session to rewire the "must-be-perfect" trigger.

    You're not broken - you're just wired tight. Loosen one knot at a time.

     

Reply

  • That control thing? It's not "freak" - it's your brain saying "order = safe." Autism + ADHD love patterns; when the tea towel's wrong, it's like static in your head. Husband's not messy, he's just human. And yes, getting angry? That's the frustration leaking out - nothing personal.

    My take: start tiny. Pick one thing - like the cushions - and let him do it his way. Feel the itch, breathe through it, then say "good enough." It'll sting at first, but it builds tolerance. Therapy? Try ACT - it's great for "accept the urge, don't fight it." Or even a quick sensory Occupational Therapy session to rewire the "must-be-perfect" trigger.

    You're not broken - you're just wired tight. Loosen one knot at a time.

     

Children