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Autism assessment- conflicting feelings

ChrisS

I just had the second part of my assessment. In may ways it shows what I experience and how it affects me. It validated any struggles I face.

However, I now feel really low as a result. I feel very 'different' as everything atypical is laid bare. I felt comfortable and engaged, yet it was pointed out I looked anxious and uncomfortable throughout. I now worry about all my social interactions. If I am looking like this when comfortable how must I appear to everyone I meet when I do feel nervous.

Comments where made on my lack of expressions, how I speak and I just generally felt like I came out of it feeling like I am so different and like with a greater lack of self esteem. My confidence is already low and this has not helped.

I would appreciate why advice on how to come to terms with being neurodivergent. At the moment it doesn't feel like some superpower but something that at it's core makes me feel like a worse version of who I want to be

  • Before I realised that I was autistic, and was later diagnosed, I thought that most people had similar problems to me, but they were much stronger than I was and dealt with them much more efficiently. I now realise that most of my problems are unimaginable to the vast majority of other people. Neurotypical people slide through the everyday world without a thought or qualm. That I function at all in society is a reflection on my own inner strength, not my weakness. You can look at things from two diametrically opposite viewpoints - I have lots of problems, I struggle and limp along, or, I have lots of problems, but still manage to function, I am really cool!

  • Hi  and welcome. It is a common experience to be unsettled by assessment, even though it gives us answers. It's worth remembering that assessors are trained professionals watching us much more closely than would generally be the case with people in general. The assessor's comments can be uncomfortable but it's part of finding out we are different, not broken, and rest assured you are far from alone. Take your time, let yourself feel, and find out more. You may find that time spent with other neurodivergent folk (like on here) strengthens you. Most of all, aim to be compassionate towards yourself.

  • Hello! Sorry to hear you're not feeling great after the assessments. I'm also recently diagnosed and relate to finding the assessment process difficult. I haven't got too much in the way of advice yet, but want to say hi and welcome 

  • Hi Chris - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

    Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation, so please don't worry if you continue to experience this - it's normal, and I've linked to an article below about it.

    Besides perhaps feeling some relief about having an explanation for our difficulties, this can also include working through a phase where we experience a loss of confidence and mixes of emotions like confusion, uncertainty, so-called "imposter syndrome", and/or (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving, and more. 

    It's also common to feel more aware of our traits. It might help to remind yourself that this is good information to have, because it will enable you to better understand and accommodate yourself - whether directly, or by asking others for support or adjustments.

    My own diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion. My main piece of advice is to pace yourself, and to be kind and patient with yourself as you process your diagnosis and gradually adapt to it.

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis" - including the one I mentioned above, which covers how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistics

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    There's also some information here about communication:

    NAS - Autism and communication

    Therapy (or counselling) is often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you may instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS.

    If your low mood persists or worsens, I'd also suggest talking to your GP about it. We can often experience co-occurring mental health issues, so don't be shy about asking for support with it.

    Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

    Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

    How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)