Assessment A!

Well I think that was horrific - the woman doing it spent most of the time saying 'no that's not what I'm asking' whenever I answered anything. The way she talked to me, felt like I was annoying her the whole time.... 

Silver lining, surely I can't get anyone as rude and lacking empathy for the second part?!

Ah, that's not great emma90 :-(

Couple of thoughts to share that might be OK - if you're in the right emotional state for them?

Could it be that you were accidentally masking?

Also when I'm especially anxious I can get very defensive.

Whether the answer to those answers is yes, no or maybe, it's not ideal if the person leading what could be a difficult conversation is unable to maintain their emotional calm and their means of expression.

Hope you're OK now.

All the best.

Definitely a possibility - I'm not sure at this point what is me and what is me pretending to be whatever the world expects me to be.

I dont know if it was me not understanding the questions or my answers not fitting the options on her form at times... she asked about whether I have a best friend I see regularly and when I said that would be my partner or my sister she told me that's not a best friend and couldn't seem to fathom me not having someone else I would 'go on a night out with' as she put it. It felt judgemental at times... whether that was her or me, or a combo who knows

emma90 said:

she asked about whether I have a best friend I see regularly and when I said that would be my partner or my sister she told me that's not a best friend and couldn't seem to fathom me not having someone else I would 'go on a night out with' as she put it

That bit doesn’t seem right to me.

I recall questions about friends during the first part of my assessment. The assessor first asked me “how do you define a friend—what does a friend mean to you?”. The question lead to me concluding that in my early years until my 40s, my friends were my dogs and other animals”. It took me a bit of time to get to that answer because for years I had a tick list in my head of what a friend should be (that didn’t include my ex. husband), so I appreciated being asked that question before the assessor went on to discuss my relationships with humans.

Sounds like lack of experience and/or interest in autism/autistic people, which in itself could be caused by all sorts of other reasons.

It is so nice to have someone affirm what I thought in my head at the time - I have few friends because I can't manage keeping a large circle of friends. Me choosing to invest my small social battery into my family and partner to keep those relationships working isn't a failure. That's me being aware of my own limitations and prioritising what I can manage. 

I did come away from that meeting feeling like I'd failed. It just seemed to highlight my 'weird' qualities and just reiterated that people don't understand. Now I've had time to process it I do feel that I was as honest and open as I could have been and actually she didn't handle it in a way that suggested any element of a person centered approach - I was just a name, date of birth and a blank questionnaire to complete for her. 

Disappointing, but not anything that I could have changed in that moment so I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

I can't see what's wrong with your answer. They should just tick no. If they are not after spouse or relative, then the answer is you don't have a close friend.

I can't see why it is surprising not to have one. It is typical to have very few close people. I have no one I see more that once or twice a year. No partner, relatives, or friends. 

What they should be trying to do I believe is establish what social circle you have and whether this has been consistent over time. Whether you can make and retain friends, initiate conversations, interact normally. Whether it has had an impact on you.

I think it points to their forms being ambiguous, which is their issue not yours, and the person perhaps being inexperienced.

I am sorry it didn't go smoothly.

I don't really know what to say. Perhaps they have ramped up to accommodate demand and have people with less experience. 

I can't see what's wrong with your answer. They should just tick no. If they are not after spouse or relative, then the answer is you don't have a close friend.

I can't see why it is surprising not to have one. It is typical to have very few close people. I have no one I see more that once or twice a year. No partner, relatives, or friends. 

What they should be trying to do I believe is establish what social circle you have and whether this has been consistent over time. Whether you can make and retain friends, initiate conversations, interact normally. Whether it has had an impact on you.

I think it points to their forms being ambiguous, which is their issue not yours, and the person perhaps being inexperienced.

I am sorry it didn't go smoothly.

I don't really know what to say. Perhaps they have ramped up to accommodate demand and have people with less experience. 

It is so nice to have someone affirm what I thought in my head at the time - I have few friends because I can't manage keeping a large circle of friends. Me choosing to invest my small social battery into my family and partner to keep those relationships working isn't a failure. That's me being aware of my own limitations and prioritising what I can manage. 

I did come away from that meeting feeling like I'd failed. It just seemed to highlight my 'weird' qualities and just reiterated that people don't understand. Now I've had time to process it I do feel that I was as honest and open as I could have been and actually she didn't handle it in a way that suggested any element of a person centered approach - I was just a name, date of birth and a blank questionnaire to complete for her. 

Disappointing, but not anything that I could have changed in that moment so I'm not going to beat myself up over it.