Embrace your autism

My autism is a curse and has no benefits.. Its a horrible disability that should try and be cured. I myself have a year left 45th birthday.

It sounds like a really difficult adjustment. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm glad the post gave you a small bit of positivity, and I hope things gradually become clearer and easier for you.

I'm still figuring out what works best for me, but it's encouraging to hear.

I really appreciate you saying that. I'm glad the words resonated with you.

Hi Cinnabar_wing I can appreciate what you have expressed there as I am recovering from a deep burnout and know my working life cannot continue as it was. It is really tough. I know my journey is to value myself as a whole person. Previously my self-worth was too wrapped up in my work. Being positive about our autism is important as part of loving all of ourselves unconditionally. So as you say, posts like Larissa's are lovely to read as reminders! 

 Larissa Thank you for this and for putting how I often feel but can never express into words. 

Exactly thats what I think. Since diagnosis I have had days when I felt like a different self, which is a sure fire road to burnout. I need to be in the zone and fun with it. Have fun with your autism as its only you thats got it your way.

What a lovey post. I'm struggling with it at the moment, grieving the career I had thought I was building last year to what I have now post burnout. It's pretty tough to get my head round still so nice to have a bit of positivity.

Yes, timely diagnosis is so very important, yet many are needlessly missing out because autism isn’t picked up early enough and waiting lists can be long. 

"Autistic brains often process a significantly higher volume of information, slowing down is a necessary strategy" I hope it helps because it helped me when I thought I wasn't doing enough and being tired after seemingly small things.

I meant reminding yourself that your autistic, rather than thinking of your autism constantly. I understand, I was put on the waiting list in school but I was only diagnosed recently now I've left school. I think it would've been much easier if I had a diagnosis and the support when I was in school because it was difficult for me. 

Larissa said:

consciously reminding myself helps me avoid self-blame

I relate to that. I continue to work through selected old CBT worksheets on ‘guilt’ and ‘self-blame’. 

Diagnosis was a huge relief and it enabled me to get rid of much guilt and self-blame. 

I may have taken a different meaning to that you intended when you said,

Larissa said:

piece of advice to you is to not stop thinking about your autism.

I understood this to mean to think of my autism constantly, i.e, every second throughout every day, seven days per week. That would drive me mad as it is an unachievable goal, nobody can do that.

I was diagnosed just over a year ago and the should/should nots of potential diagnosis when considering assessment were much in my mind then. I found it essential to try to leave it one side for even a few hours and to focus on other things just to give my brain a rest. I had many low points before and after diagnosis but I have accepted who I am, I just struggle with what other people did because they didn’t understand and I still mourn for the life that could have been had my autism been recognised sooner. People weren’t diagnosed with autism when I was young.

Thank you for your response,  it's fine to have different opinions. I wish you all best on your journey, now with the diagnosis. 

Thank you for taking the time to read it

That makes sense. For me, consciously reminding myself helps me avoid self-blame but it sounds like it’s already fully integrated into how you see yourself, so it doesn’t need that same level of attention.

I hope you can get a diagnosis soon, and if not for autism, for whatever it is you may be struggling with. I can understand your frustration, I was on the waiting list for years before I got any support. Five times seems a bit excessive, especially as most of us are lucky to be diagnosed once. I understand wanting to be sure, but if every other time before that has been that he is autistic, surely that is enough confirmation. Everyone has a different opinion, but I have to agree with you on this one.

I don't know what to say. That was a beautiful post 

It is good that you are so positive about being autistic as we can easily get bogged down with the difficulties we can face in daily life.

Larissa said:

my piece of advice to you is to not stop thinking about your autism

I take a different approach. I don’t think about being autistic all the time and I don’t want to think about being autistic all the time, simply because I’ve other things to think about and I don’t want to be more inward looking than I already am. It’s not that I’m in denial of being autistic, it’s more that my autism is how I am and it’s how I’ve always been, it’s an essential part of my makeup that makes me the person I am. Trying to think of being autistic all the time would be like trying to think of the colour of my eyes all the time. 

Larissa said:

embrace it.

Yes, self acceptance is essential for mental health.

Thank you for your beautiful post. I wish I could stop thinking about autism, forget it as if I've never realised that. And go back to the point that I just believed I'm inferior to others. I'm exhausted of wondering if it really is autism. In addition I saw a video of one German youtuber, who complained about so many people wanting to be diagnosed with autism,  about so many misdiagnosis,  about private clinics being like shops with diagnoses and everyone wanting to be autistic. And if course all those who themselves suspect,  are wrong. He himself got 5 times the diagnosis,  so it means, he took place and time of 5 clinics, and now says, he is happy, while there are many who struggle and have no chance to get diagnosed even once. So I wrote him that honestly and unsubscribed hus channel. His opinions are often contradictory and generally illogical. He has also comorbid BPD. Maybe that's why. I'm kind of exhausted. If I get diagnosed and join a local support group and hear such things again - fashionable diagnosis,  etc.  Then I don't know what would i do. Maybe tear the paper apart and throw to a bin.