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Autism & Dating

Connor

I’ve never had a relationship, I’m 29 and recently diagnosed AuDHD (which may go some way to explaining it), I’ve tried dating apps which just seem the most pointless thing on earth, also not sure if I should or shouldn’t disclose my diagnosis.

Does anyone have any positive relationship experiences, if so, how did it come about? I’m quite sensitive so I highly doubt I’d approach someone for fear of rejection so my only options feels like it is dating apps, however I get no interest, I would like to meet someone but atm I just feel like giving up.  

  • i Connor, I also have AuDHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and Autism just last month. I’m over 50 and have used dating apps in the past, though I was undiagnosed at the time—which is likely why I wouldn't define those past relationships as positive. 
    Personally, I think dating apps can be dangerous, especially for those with ADHD, because of the constant dopamine rush. Unless you are on medication (which I haven't tried yet, meaning using the app while on my med), it’s easy to get swept up. I used to date a lot, but I wouldn't personally disclose my diagnosis right away. It’s not a fear of rejection—I couldn't care less about that—but rather that most people are ignorant about the subject. I don't want to waste my time educating someone who might be juggling 20 other conversations. 
    My advice is to just go by your feeling. Being autistic is a great gift; look closely at their profiles, see their stories, and pay attention to how they interact. Alternatively, I’m going to explore neurodivergent-specific dating apps. Take care, my friend.
  • in reply to Sharmae

    Thank you for such a lovely comment! Relaxed️

  • I agree with you on the online dating Connor, if I start dating again I will try to keep things in person. 

  • I don't have any positive relationship experience to share I'm afraid but I wanted to say I get you. I recently found out I have AuDHD and am sensitive too, especially interpersonally and this makes the prospect of dating seem near to impossible sometimes. I've not been brave enough to try dating apps and I've heard mixed things about them. I hope you find connection with somebody soon.

  • im trying an app called hiki i will try taimi also

  • Hi Connor my daughter has had success both prior to and post diagnosis using online sites but she prefers non-dating sites such as Bumble for friends. You can also find sites for writing to new people all over the world like penpals but online. We have found these to be less superficial as they are not video based so it encourages focus on who you are as a person rather than how typically good looking you appear or act.

    Please don't give up Connor you just need to find the right kind of people where you fit. Also getting out or just going for a walk and setting yourself a new goal each time( e.g. like today I'm going to smile at 3 new people) can help gradually increase how many people you know. My daughter found just focusing on making friends first worked best and  now she has been in a relationship for 6 months & eventually you'll meet more people that appreciate you too! All the best, we're all cheering you on!partying faceThumbsup tone1Smile cat

  • I met my now husband whilst studying when I was older than you. My experience was to join a group with people with similar interests, but relationship was not the original intention, although now I am glad I did.

  • im the same i struggle with dating also i even tried flirting with other men to see if that was easier but no