Losing myself

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I hope the therapy will help you,  or if not, maybe you could change the therapist. Sometimes its a mismatch between therapist and patient. Honestly except periodic side effect, I've never experienced losing intrest in my very intense hobby, so I have no idea, what to do in such situations, I can't advise anything here. I wish you getting better, maybe looking for something new could help? Just guessing.

Glad to hear you're feeling better

Thank you all for your responses and insights. I somehow stabilised and feel better. I'm getting used to these meds and its side effects. I'm also back on track with my aliens and universe. 

Hello Prisilly 

I am sorry to hear that you have been experiencing these feelings. It's good that you have expressed this and let us know how you feel. Well done for starting therapy, which I hope is supporting you, however I'm sorry to hear you don't feel this is sustainable.

The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you are at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page:

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help

If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals:

www.nhs.uk/.../

Here are some other organisations that offer free, confidential support:

· Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24/7

· SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30 PM–10.30 PM daily)

· Shout – Text 85258, 24/7

· Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9 AM–6 PM

You may also like to look at our Autism Services Directory for other mental health support options that may be more appropriate and sustainable for you:

https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

Please do reach out if you need support.

All the best,

Chloe Mod

I have tablets to take when I'm on the verge of or having a panic attack or feel extremely wobbly, I don't have to take them all the time, luckily, because if I did I don't think I would. They seem to such all the joy out of life, everything feels like a numbers game, even life itself is a balance sheet of pro's and con's, this isn't living except at the most basic level. The thought processes are more like depression, real deep depression, that you'd be treated for and maybe hospitalised for, it feel like a medical lobotomy rather than a treatment, a panic attack is more manageable than this flatness.

Yes I agree with you. Losing a special interest makes everything pointless because all the other areas of life are just painful obligations. We need the fun/relaxing part to keep going

Please let me know if you manage to get your special interest back or develop a new one. 

I'm experiencing this too. 

In my case there was some sort of trigger. My mother died in July (we did not have a relationship for years, we never actually had as she was mentally ill narcissist to the bones)

I did not suffer or will ever miss her. But I started to feel that life is stupid and pointless. I lost interest in my hobbies and in anything at all. I also started to wonder what parts of me are just the characters I created (intense masking) and realised that I don't really know who I really am and what I actually like doing and specially why to do anything at all anyway.

I don't know how to snap out of it. I started private therapy once a week. It's been a month and obviously I see no difference yet I feel like if she doesn't fix me in a year I will decide to suicide because I can't pay therapy forever and I don't want to live like this anymore 

Thank you for your answer,  the most painful thing is losing my special interest,  it feels like everything is pointless and I'm empty. And I can't relax, because the way I used to relax my whole life doesn't feel relaxing anymore. So I'm stuck and don't know what to do with myself.

What do you think it feels like to be calm and well balanced?

If you have always lived with the volume knob on 10, turning it down to 3 may feel strange. It might just take time to recalibrate.

You can then have feelings but not have them overwhelm you and run your life. You can plan do things more easily 

The downside of course is you lose the intensity from the upside too.

It is a compromise. Perhaps you have the dose a bit too high. You should discuss it and see what they say. Perhaps there is a middle way.

I do write a diary but only if I have any thoughts to write. Thank you for advice.  I'm gonna start it.

I have experienced the effects of medications that dull the emotions so everything feels the same. They suppressed the distressing extremes but they stopped my healthy emotional ups and downs too. They also made me sleepy and affected my taste. I can’t easily describe it any other way than that but Cinnabar_wing has provided a good analogy of how I felt. 

Do you keep a journal or diary of your daily life? Somebody suggested that journaling might help me but I have not been able to maintain the habit. 

Yeah, that does sound disappointing when things you know give you pleasure and joy don't quite feel like they touch the sides (I think that is a saying meaning it doesn't fill you up). 

I am glad you are safe in yourself for the moment, and hopefully find ways to get satisfaction again in the mean time. I always liked your artwork.

Thank you! 

I'm fine with my neutral mood, that I usually have. But in time of crisis the lows are unbearable. I just don't know how to deal with the flattened me. Nothing gives me joy, everything feels not enough. 

I've not been on anything, but have had family that have. It sounded like, if life is a wiggly line, being on medication can make it like your shaving off the bottoms and tops, making the line less bumpy. The lows aren't as bad but the highs aren't either. It's more even. Not ideal, but it can help when the lows are a bit too much to handle.

Others might be able to give personal views, but I wanted to give you something in the mean time.