I've been treated by psychiatrists for years. Once I asked a doctor for meds, that would make me become "like others".
Now im on meds, because of my strong desire to hurt myself. I managed to recognise on time that it's getting bad again and avoid hospital. Now the desire to hurt myself is gone, and myself is also gone. I feel not enough. I don't feel actually anything anymore, I lost my passion, my special interest feels not so special anymore, I don't have pleasure from my repetitive behaviours, from my pacing, I still do it because I don't know any other way to relax. But it's not relaxing anymore, it's annoying. I feel empty, I feel that I lost myself. I don't know who I am. I wanted meds that would turn me into someone else and now, as its happening, I don't want it anymore. I miss my real self. Even food tastes not right. My therapist mentioned sending me to assessment, I have to call him mid February to find out if it's possible in our town, or I have to go to the capital.
I'm partially becoming "like others" but I can't be like others. I don't know how to be like others. I would have to learn it from scratch like a little child.
I'm sorry for rant, has anyone experienced anything like this? I don't wanna write what meds I take and please don't advise me any meds, for that I will consult my doctor.
