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Losing myself

Alien0n3arth

I've been treated by psychiatrists for years. Once I asked a doctor for meds, that would make me become "like others". 

Now im on meds, because of my strong desire to hurt myself. I managed to recognise on time that it's getting bad again and avoid hospital. Now the desire to hurt myself is gone, and myself is also gone. I feel not enough. I don't feel actually anything  anymore,  I lost my passion, my special interest feels not so special anymore, I don't have pleasure from my repetitive behaviours, from my pacing, I still do it because I don't know any other way to relax. But it's not relaxing anymore,  it's annoying. I feel empty, I feel that I lost myself. I don't know who I am. I wanted meds that would turn me into someone else and now, as its happening,  I don't want it anymore. I miss my real self. Even food tastes not right. My therapist mentioned sending me to assessment,  I have to call him mid February to find out if it's possible in our town, or I have to go to the capital. 

I'm partially becoming "like others" but I can't be like others. I don't know how to be like others. I would have to learn it from scratch like a little child. 

I'm sorry for rant, has anyone experienced anything like this? I don't wanna write what meds I take and please don't advise me any meds, for that I will consult my doctor. 

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  • I'm experiencing this too. 

    In my case there was some sort of trigger. My mother died in July (we did not have a relationship for years, we never actually had as she was mentally ill narcissist to the bones)

    I did not suffer or will ever miss her. But I started to feel that life is stupid and pointless. I lost interest in my hobbies and in anything at all. I also started to wonder what parts of me are just the characters I created (intense masking) and realised that I don't really know who I really am and what I actually like doing and specially why to do anything at all anyway.

    I don't know how to snap out of it. I started private therapy once a week. It's been a month and obviously I see no difference yet I feel like if she doesn't fix me in a year I will decide to suicide because I can't pay therapy forever and I don't want to live like this anymore 

  • in reply to Prisilly

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I hope the therapy will help you,  or if not, maybe you could change the therapist. Sometimes its a mismatch between therapist and patient. Honestly except periodic side effect, I've never experienced losing intrest in my very intense hobby, so I have no idea, what to do in such situations, I can't advise anything here. I wish you getting better, maybe looking for something new could help? Just guessing.

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  • in reply to Prisilly

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I hope the therapy will help you,  or if not, maybe you could change the therapist. Sometimes its a mismatch between therapist and patient. Honestly except periodic side effect, I've never experienced losing intrest in my very intense hobby, so I have no idea, what to do in such situations, I can't advise anything here. I wish you getting better, maybe looking for something new could help? Just guessing.

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