Tone of voice.

Stuart333 said:

I did a presentation course 15 years ago and they said the same thing

I must have been a masochist because I did a public speaking course years ago. It was following an embarrassing incident when I was in my late teens in which I fainted in front of a small audience. I was determined to overcome it and eventually managed to speak in front of small groups. I don’t think I could do it now, yet I wonder if my voice is too up and down in case I have overcompensated.

My family have said when I am attempting to be flippant, I sound deadly serious. Also that my genuine mirth sometimes comes across as derision. My autism assessment has a comment that I have a 'flat affect'. So I have to conclude that my intention is not always reflected in my communication outcomes.

30 years ago I used to be extremely monotone.

I was told to vary it a bit more. I used to try a bit. I did a presentation course 15 years ago and they said the same thing. They even videoed it I think for extra cringe. I have tried to vary it.

I think if you are calm and interested in something you can vary it naturally. I gave less trouble these days I think.

Note that it is not an issue in certain cultures. In Finland, for example, everyone talks in a more of a monotone and they manage.

I'll be radical and say stop worrying about it. Just take the pressure off, forget trying to fit in. Just be natural. If you free up mental power by relaxing, you'll be better without noticing. This is the whole point of diagnosis, to allow to accept who you are and stop trying, which perversely will make you more normal. Being relaxed fixes lots of things.

I've always been in situations where I would make a joke, and other people would look at me and think I was being serious, even though I was laughing and smiling, and sometimes vice versa. 

Other times I would be talking in a calm tone of voice, But other seem to think that I'm panicking, even though I wasn't. I was speaking normally and using a nice, clear tone of voice. 

That’s interesting Roy, you also.

‘Deadpan’ is the word that describes me when joking.

I think my assessment made me more conscious of voice tone, it was noted that my voice was very monotone. I also can be very ‘deadpan’ with humour.

I  suppose I never noticed myself until I saw my report in black & white, I’ve had comments of, “what’s up with you now?” Nothing is wrong with me, it’s more that neurotypical people will answer in many sentences, I will have thought about the question and give a one word response.

I need to make an effort to get the tone of my voice right most of the time because I want to get along with people and in the past people have misjudged me. I had thought years of practice had made it pretty good until I had my autism assessment last year. The assessors picked up on the formality of my speech and since then I have been wondering if my tone sounds natural. It’s very difficult to judge myself objectively but the only other thing is that people don’t always know if I’m joking or not. 

It is really quite annoying when people make snap judgements and form opinions of you based on your autistic characteristics. This has been used against me for my blunt or direct way of speaking. People used to say they could not tell when I was joking around and take offence.

Another example of the world being an unforgiving place.

I can't really control my tone, but sometimes I find it "strange" afterwards. Sometimes if I'm in a good mood with more energy I put more attention into how I sound and gesticulate. In exhaustion I find it hard to communicate at all. Maybe you need some therapy with your anxiety? 

I remember being accused of plotting against someone because I was sitting staring and stimming (lip picking). And one lady told me "I know you are plotting against me! Be careful I have these and that connections etc" she wasn't a stranger. First I thought she got crazy, what should I plot against her and why she thinks that. She showed me how I behave and said she doesn't like it. 

I remember it as if it was yesterday and long 10 years wondered why it happened till I found out about autism. I'm usually unaware of my behaviour and tone of voice, but recently started putting more attention to it and noticing weird stares and I'm  kind of anxious. I think that tge realisation of the condition adds to that.

Sometimes I hear an echo of myself over the phone which can make me a self conscious. I had someone ask me to give a 5 minute video recording of myself, beyond a point there is only so much you can alter. Mostly I realise I am not really that aware of my facial expressions, although I don't come accross as agressive or rude, I don't think tone its something to worry too much about (ie how other people might interpret that is up to them, I only deal with mature adults) unless your'e giving classes or want to be Prime Minister - this is another you are you situation.  Really its just about getting into the flow, and keeping up practice as mostly its the confidence in what you are saying which underpins the tone.