Burnout back after just getting better

Are you saying to try to be present in the moment, rather than observing and judging yourself in the moment? If so, I agree.

Trying to just be, without watching so closely and working out what is the right thing to do or say, reduces mental load, because you are reducing masking. Being more relaxed helps.

If the work is solitary, so the problem is the pressure of work, then it may be time pressure that makes it hard and fear of leaving things.

There can be too many requests going round in your head. Making short lists, say of the next 3 things you will do, can help with focus. Stopping notifications to prevent distractions can help. Allowing yourself to not worry about time can help a lot. Things get done when they get done. By stopping the worrying, guilt and feeling pressure I work just as well but more sustainably. Push back on deadlines if they are unreasonable. People are very keen to put deadlined on you, but few other people keep theirs. If things take a bit longer, no one else seems to bothered.

There are three key work skills:

• Being able to say no and push back or set new deadlines
• Not taking responsibility for things that are not in your control. Accountability comes with power. If you are reporting on what others are doing there is no guilt for you if they don't deliver.
• Try not to take everything so personally. Often the problem is the fault of the system, not you. If no one else could have done any better, it is not you. Fix the system.

This might seem a stupid answer as it seems so strange now to me and has taken a long time to realise. However here's my take on it Lemon slice 

Outlook to doing so is becoming more physically and mentally positive.

The amount of physical and mental effort necessary to exert to sustain dynamic existence in the present is lessened.  Such that one does not feel like ot is a fight to exist so much.

The body feels different in how it moves and I can be appreciated as being a sense of relaxed confidence.  One doesn't have to physically force oneself to move forward.

When seeing the world not looking at it as if behind the line of reality but more in it in a 3 dimensional way.  Not so "locked in".

One has a greater real time awareness of where one is in relationship to the "window of tolerance" to stress and therefore meaningful strategies to remain so can be implemented

When other people are more relaxed in one's company.

best wishes

For me, when I thought I might be ready to start dealing with work and tried things outside of my secure home base, rather than just starting to cope with life. I was advised to think carefully before returning. It was also important to know that adjustments based on Occupational Health advice would be considered.

You can't go back to the same thing as you will end in the same place. Staying off for 1 month or 3 months lowers the water in the tub, but it will still overflow if you start pouring it back in again.

So you need less pressure. This can either be by work accommodations, change of role, or by finding coping strategies, or just a change of mindset.

I did this, or rather, started a new job before I was ready and I hit an exhaution wall almost immediately, and had to adjust how much I was doing to cope. I don't know how to tell without going back either.

When recovering from burnout, how do you know when youre ready to go back to work? I obviously went back too soon before, but how do you know? 

You have good insight Lemon slice 

Building back confidence from realistic expectations is complicated however self affirming.

Maybe as regards the full time job it is not what one does but how one does it.

Best wishes

Hi, I seem to drift into what I thought was burnout, I was also diagnosed about the same time as you and just a bit older. I’m still processing the diagnosis. I too find that work pressure causes a drift into burnout, I also wonder if it’s a drift into shutdown, as a child meltdowns wouldn’t have been tolerated so I would shutdown when overwhelmed. I find shutdowns leave me totally exhausted for quite long periods. 

Do you like your job? Maybe if you don't like it, it increases risk of being burned out? I can't say if it was burnout or something else,  but I remember having some periods of bring so terribly exhausted fir no reason, that my body felt like stuck in a swamp. Now it's more stable at this point, but my struggles go on.

If you look at where this comes from, it is not autism. Autism makes you more susceptible, but I think it comes from childhood. Most of my issues are from how I was raised.

Survival mode is due to the nervous system and overload. Calming this is important.

The solution to work is learning what is enough, and how to be comfortable to be doing enough. Work is only paying you to do enough. Going above that is pressure you are putting on yourself that you are not being paid for. Doing a good job does not require being better than everyone else. Looking for praise, affection, security, etc. is on you. Work is not for that really. 

I have spent over 1,000 hours so far trying to get to bottom of it all. Using AI to look at things and make suggestions, then iterate, check, argue the opposite, look for evidence and references, till I have a good feeling it is true. I also cross checked some with therapists with a couple of dozen sessions.

I have revised a few times as I peel more layers of the onion, but I am just about done now. More study is not revealing anything more.

I understand myself and most importantly my past. I have struggled with what might have been.

It allows me to make some honest suggestions, based on what I observed. I can't judge if they help others, but it is good if they do. I don't think I am that unique, although I do study myself more than normal.

Just reading this again Stuart. I'm a complete perfectionist, so yes I'm absolutely holding myself to impossibly high standards! 

Its like my inbuilt system doesn't know any other mode apart from survival mode. Trying to do work on myself to change this..though as one of my friends said, it took 50 odd years to get to this point, its not going to change overnight..or in weeks, months. Its going to take a long time. Ha, im also bloody impatient! 

Thanks for your comments. I've read your comments on other people's posts and what you say is always really helpful. 

Thanks Phased.

Yes, i was definitely only just coping. Only yesterday have I realised that i went back to work way too soon. I suppose i thought as I was functioning at that point, I should be able to work. I suppose I've learned the hard way thst I need more time off work.

I think a lot of it (going back too soon) comes down to autistic traits like people pleasing, fear of rejection, never wanting to do anything that makes me look like im different (ie not coping), so I kept pushing through. I now realise that burnout will take a lot of time to recover from and just because I can get up, shower, go to shop, etc doesn't mean I can hold down a full time job.

Thanks for all your advice.

I am sorry you had that experience and it sounds like your work didn't keep to their word. Hopefully when you are ready to return they will consider this and support you in keeping things manageable.

I had a longer period off and after my phased return things improved and by regular feedback I got to a position where I was better at managing and also using leave to help with this. That was until recently, because I think they had forgotten some of the things I found difficult and gave me so much I have had to have time off again.

 Stuart333 has explained this well already and the resources are there from Bunny Lemon slice .

I can relate yes.  I can I believe empathise, And if OK I would like to maybe also ask how you are doing now?

 Stuart333 has alluded to "just about coping" - In my case I have changed the wording in retrospective analysis to "living in survival mode".  Rationally, living thus is possible and necessary for brief periods however normalising it, from my experience, is a fore-runner of burnout.

In similar circumstances I found it difficult to be objective in comparative terms to to my actual capacity for tolerance of environment, events and circumstances and my personal capability within them.

Perhaps the reason why I respond is to gently provoke you to consider researching and considering "interoception" as well as my caring about a fellow autistic person by relating my experience to you.

Personally I had become so normalised to the internal state of my body in "survival mode".  The insensitivity to which I found led to the "crashes" of physical and mental capability where withdrawal and absolute rest - such as an inability to rise from bed.  I found being incapable in this way also meant I was unable to engage in such physical and mental activity that might allow escape from ruminative mental "stuckness" too.

As well as the double empathy problem that relates to autistic people and neurotypical I would also propose there is the third empathy issue.  That an autistic person, possible in connection with masking for so long, one can lose or indeed not develop one's own self awareness.

I personally have found that developing skills in interoception have helped me find the connection between my mind and my body to help me understand my needs and my feelings better.  This was hard because it first required me to allow myself to acknowledge pain and distress when my capacity to deal with it was not very good.  However this was why it was there in the first place.

I think that for these reasons your making the post maybe means that you are acknowledging the issue.  By asking how other people relate you are seeking support and understanding.  There then comes the skill of developing personal insights and capabilities to a life that reflects your values and needs such that one is no longer in survival mode or just coping.  This is a beginning to sensing a possibility of and engaging with thriving perhaps.

Best Wishes

Thanks Stuart thats helpful

A month is not very long.

If you think of it like a bowl of water, when you get to the point of really struggling the bowl is full or overflowing.

It takes time for the level to go down. A month helped it  a bit but it is still close to the top. So initially you are ok but as soon as you start pressure again it starts filling and quickly reaches the top again.

This is why you are fragile after reaching overload.

You can bob along at the top for years just about coping. It's what I did.

If you can, look at whether the pressure is really coming from outside, or if it is pressure you are putting on yourself. Would you expect others to do what you are doing? 

I was holding myself to impossibly high standards. No one will stop you over performing. By changing my mindset and going slower, I get almost as much done, but don't feel the pressure anything like as much.

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. 

Alongside seeking support from your GP, you might find these NAS resources helpful:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author (who's also a clinician and advocate):

Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

I also have this book of hers. It's very user-friendly, including lots of diagrams and worksheets:

The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

The NAS also has some great resources focussed around work, including about requesting reasonable adjustments, which might help you avoid experiencing this:

NAS - What support can I get at work as an autistic person?

NAS - What are reasonable adjustments and when can they be requested?