Burnout back after just getting better

A month is not very long.

If you think of it like a bowl of water, when you get to the point of really struggling the bowl is full or overflowing.

It takes time for the level to go down. A month helped it  a bit but it is still close to the top. So initially you are ok but as soon as you start pressure again it starts filling and quickly reaches the top again.

This is why you are fragile after reaching overload.

You can bob along at the top for years just about coping. It's what I did.

If you can, look at whether the pressure is really coming from outside, or if it is pressure you are putting on yourself. Would you expect others to do what you are doing? 

I was holding myself to impossibly high standards. No one will stop you over performing. By changing my mindset and going slower, I get almost as much done, but don't feel the pressure anything like as much.

Just reading this again Stuart. I'm a complete perfectionist, so yes I'm absolutely holding myself to impossibly high standards! 

Its like my inbuilt system doesn't know any other mode apart from survival mode. Trying to do work on myself to change this..though as one of my friends said, it took 50 odd years to get to this point, its not going to change overnight..or in weeks, months. Its going to take a long time. Ha, im also bloody impatient! 

Thanks for your comments. I've read your comments on other people's posts and what you say is always really helpful. 

If you look at where this comes from, it is not autism. Autism makes you more susceptible, but I think it comes from childhood. Most of my issues are from how I was raised.

Survival mode is due to the nervous system and overload. Calming this is important.

The solution to work is learning what is enough, and how to be comfortable to be doing enough. Work is only paying you to do enough. Going above that is pressure you are putting on yourself that you are not being paid for. Doing a good job does not require being better than everyone else. Looking for praise, affection, security, etc. is on you. Work is not for that really. 

I have spent over 1,000 hours so far trying to get to bottom of it all. Using AI to look at things and make suggestions, then iterate, check, argue the opposite, look for evidence and references, till I have a good feeling it is true. I also cross checked some with therapists with a couple of dozen sessions.

I have revised a few times as I peel more layers of the onion, but I am just about done now. More study is not revealing anything more.

I understand myself and most importantly my past. I have struggled with what might have been.

It allows me to make some honest suggestions, based on what I observed. I can't judge if they help others, but it is good if they do. I don't think I am that unique, although I do study myself more than normal.

If you look at where this comes from, it is not autism. Autism makes you more susceptible, but I think it comes from childhood. Most of my issues are from how I was raised.

Survival mode is due to the nervous system and overload. Calming this is important.

The solution to work is learning what is enough, and how to be comfortable to be doing enough. Work is only paying you to do enough. Going above that is pressure you are putting on yourself that you are not being paid for. Doing a good job does not require being better than everyone else. Looking for praise, affection, security, etc. is on you. Work is not for that really. 

I have spent over 1,000 hours so far trying to get to bottom of it all. Using AI to look at things and make suggestions, then iterate, check, argue the opposite, look for evidence and references, till I have a good feeling it is true. I also cross checked some with therapists with a couple of dozen sessions.

I have revised a few times as I peel more layers of the onion, but I am just about done now. More study is not revealing anything more.

I understand myself and most importantly my past. I have struggled with what might have been.

It allows me to make some honest suggestions, based on what I observed. I can't judge if they help others, but it is good if they do. I don't think I am that unique, although I do study myself more than normal.