After school and weekend activities

Before I found out about autism, I wondered if being a lonely only was at the root of many of my problems fitting in with others and what I called my social dyslexia. Like most children I just wanted to fit in with those around me, so going to brownies/guides etc would have allowed me to try and fit in. My parents didn't have a car either and we didn't live on an estate unlike most of my friends, which made me stick out, but then there were so many things that made me stick out. It can be quite hard to get any help or understanding about being an only child, people can be quite hostile imagining that you must have loads fo presents every xmas and birthday, envious of you having all your parents attention, which is a double edged sword. Or they're totally dismissive and say that you're the same psychologically as an eldest child, I've yet to meet an only child who agrees with this.

My brain fascinates me, so you're not alone thier EP, I know I keep banging on about it but Gina Rippons, The Lost Girls of Autism, goes into the social skill side of things a lot and how our brains do respond diferently to NT's and some ND's. It's an emerging area of research so its not well understood yet.

I often feel that I grew up in a sort of cultural vacumn, my parents never drew with me, I was always bought colouring books, no one ever sang or danced or did crafts, I was left feeling that all these things that people on the telly did and wern't really for normal people. I was naturally shy, but then I didn't know what to do when others spoke to me or really how to play with others, so thats no surprise. Everything that ever interested me my parents said was only because someone else did it or I'd seen it on telly and I didn't really want to do it, so I was never encouraged to do anything.

It is rather sad to have been actively denied experiences. It's one thing to find it difficult or not want them, but to not be allowed is something else entirely, especially if you had no siblings. 

I can imagine that having a huge effect on a child, whether NT or ND.

It is said that

the greatest barriers to autistic people developing their full potential are the limited ideas of what it is to be human and natural.

I don’t know who said it.

The things you did at Girls Brigade were similar to those I did in Guides. It suited me as I wasn't into adventurous things. I don't know about Guiding today, but some girls go to Scouts for those kind of things. 

I didn't do any classes. My parents couldn't afford it (I was aware of the financial struggles so never would have asked), and my mum didn't drive so couldn't have gone anywhere.

I used to think the summer holidays was a chance to have a break from 'friends' at school. I could never understand why anyone would want a playdate when it was supposed to be the holidays! I was happy just doing my own thing, and did do some socialising with those that lived nearby, just in an un-organised and ad-hoc fashion.

I used to go to the cubs and scouts which I enjoyed. I got on with people and learnt a lot of useful skills. I also used to go to an after school club because my mum and dad worked full time but I never cared much for that.

I was made to go to church and some other church related activities with a sibling. I hated going when I was a child and I don’t recall talking to children there, only adults. I also went to pony related activities but I don’t recall how it was introduced to me. We had horses in the family so I think it was just something expected yet I had only limited conversation with one or two girls intermittently. I enjoyed the pony side of things but couldn’t cope easily with the ‘strange’ children who participated.  I definitely found it easier to communicate with adults than children.

In some ways I would have liked to do more activities yet I couldn’t manage the social side of things back then. I was a very late developer and if I had the physical capability of a young person now, I would likely do many more things than I currently do.

I think it's likely both of those things. I think age wise after school clubs had started becoming a big thing whilst I was at school. They were free so accessible to most. I also was fortunate that my parents would pay for other things. 

I don't necessarily wish they'd never sent me because as I said, there were some things I did enjoy. I will definitely have benefited in some ways as it made me a very active kid, I learnt skills, I found out what my strengths and weaknesses were. But I also resented having to go sometimes. I think partly because I wasn't choosing to and partly because I was burnt out from school and just wanted alone time rather than joining a group of people for an activity.

I really don't think it taught me social skills though. It really does fascinate me how my brain works in that sense, because I clearly didn't develop in the same way other children do and it wasn't through lack of experience. I just don't seem to be able to learn social skills in the way that other people do. I'd like to know more about my brain and why that is such a difficulty for me and others with autism.

I was taken to Sunday school by my mother when she attended church. I preferred staying in the main service with the adults though. Some of the people at church became like extended family members and the service followed a familiar pattern, so I didn't feel too awkward.

Once I reached the age of 7 or 8 I was sent to Girls Brigade meetings one evening a week, and ballroom dancing lessons another evening. Two of my cousins also attended both, so I wasn't alone.

Girls Brigade taught skills like sewing, ironing, baking, flower arranging, handicrafts, first aid and how to care for pets and babies. Thinking back now it does seem a bit sexist, but that's how things were then and it was friendlier and less pressured than school. 

The dance class was small and run by an older married couple, and I enjoyed learning to move to the music in a fairly graceful way. I also got a sense of achievement by attaining bronze, silver and finally gold medals in the dance exams.

As I didn't connect much with my sibling who was 5 years younger than me, I think that this enforced socialisation did me some good. It also strengthened my relationship with my two cousins who were closer in age to me. TheCatWoman - I know you've said before that you were an only child, so it's a shame that you weren't encouraged to attend any after school or weekend clubs.

I went to Brownies and Guides, but that was because my Mum did and enjoyed it. I enjoyed doing some badges as you could choose things that fitted with your interests. When I was in Rangers we did the Duke of Edinburgh Award and my interest was meteorology. I remember getting daily weather maps sent from the Met office, as well as keeping my own readings. That was mainly just once a week. I didn't do dance as I would have been too ungainly. I couldn't have done like some children who did something nearly every day of the week.

It could well be a class thing and an age thing too, my parents always said they couldn't afford it, but that always felt like an excuse, as most of the other children at school did afterschool stuff, at least brownies and guides.

I think I would have felt the same thing about not fitting in anywhere, but I wasn't given the opportunity to find out, it did make me stick out at school when other's were talking about things that I couldn't share or even have any knowlege of.

I think with my parents, it was more my Dad having a massive fear of any outside influence, he didn't really like me going to school, or bringing friends home, most of my friends were disaproved of and criticised and used as lessons in how not to behave. When I was avbout 12, I was diagnosed with depression, the doctor said it was because I had no friends or social life outside of going to school. I was allowed out after that, but not often and it was something that would be banned for any minor infraction of any rules, until the depression returned and the doctor told him to let me out again.

I've always wondered what life would have been like if I'd have been better socialised as a child and allowed to do things that others did. Would I have hated stuff? Possibly, Would I have better social skills? I don't know. Would I have been encouraged more and had any talents spotted, almost certainly.

I went to quite a lot. I did enjoy some. But I really dreaded others. I don't think they particularly helped me in any way. I certainly didn't get better at being in groups of people or socialising. If anything it just taught me that I didn't fit in no matter where I went.

I think that this is/was more of a middle class thing.

We were in slum housing as children moving on to council.

I don't think it would have crossed my mother's mind to do this for us even when she noticed our existence. 

My parents also couldn't have afforded it.

Being painfully shy I would have hated it.