After school and weekend activities

I went to quite a lot. I did enjoy some. But I really dreaded others. I don't think they particularly helped me in any way. I certainly didn't get better at being in groups of people or socialising. If anything it just taught me that I didn't fit in no matter where I went.

It could well be a class thing and an age thing too, my parents always said they couldn't afford it, but that always felt like an excuse, as most of the other children at school did afterschool stuff, at least brownies and guides.

I think I would have felt the same thing about not fitting in anywhere, but I wasn't given the opportunity to find out, it did make me stick out at school when other's were talking about things that I couldn't share or even have any knowlege of.

I think with my parents, it was more my Dad having a massive fear of any outside influence, he didn't really like me going to school, or bringing friends home, most of my friends were disaproved of and criticised and used as lessons in how not to behave. When I was avbout 12, I was diagnosed with depression, the doctor said it was because I had no friends or social life outside of going to school. I was allowed out after that, but not often and it was something that would be banned for any minor infraction of any rules, until the depression returned and the doctor told him to let me out again.

I've always wondered what life would have been like if I'd have been better socialised as a child and allowed to do things that others did. Would I have hated stuff? Possibly, Would I have better social skills? I don't know. Would I have been encouraged more and had any talents spotted, almost certainly.

I think it's likely both of those things. I think age wise after school clubs had started becoming a big thing whilst I was at school. They were free so accessible to most. I also was fortunate that my parents would pay for other things. 

I don't necessarily wish they'd never sent me because as I said, there were some things I did enjoy. I will definitely have benefited in some ways as it made me a very active kid, I learnt skills, I found out what my strengths and weaknesses were. But I also resented having to go sometimes. I think partly because I wasn't choosing to and partly because I was burnt out from school and just wanted alone time rather than joining a group of people for an activity.

I really don't think it taught me social skills though. It really does fascinate me how my brain works in that sense, because I clearly didn't develop in the same way other children do and it wasn't through lack of experience. I just don't seem to be able to learn social skills in the way that other people do. I'd like to know more about my brain and why that is such a difficulty for me and others with autism.

I think it's likely both of those things. I think age wise after school clubs had started becoming a big thing whilst I was at school. They were free so accessible to most. I also was fortunate that my parents would pay for other things. 

I don't necessarily wish they'd never sent me because as I said, there were some things I did enjoy. I will definitely have benefited in some ways as it made me a very active kid, I learnt skills, I found out what my strengths and weaknesses were. But I also resented having to go sometimes. I think partly because I wasn't choosing to and partly because I was burnt out from school and just wanted alone time rather than joining a group of people for an activity.

I really don't think it taught me social skills though. It really does fascinate me how my brain works in that sense, because I clearly didn't develop in the same way other children do and it wasn't through lack of experience. I just don't seem to be able to learn social skills in the way that other people do. I'd like to know more about my brain and why that is such a difficulty for me and others with autism.