My 47Y/O Female wife

it's not too long 

The suicidal threats do sound like coercive control and whether she's doing it on purpose or not is irrelavant. In my experience all perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they are not responsible. Are GP and psychiatrist fully aware of situation? I'd maybe reach out to local domestic abuse charities and see what they have to say about it too. 

It sounds like you need a break from the situation. living under that kind of stress will make you ill and then there will be nobody to look after the kids. Can you and kids get away for the weekend?

Not at minute we can’t, can’t afford to, I’m 46 and covered in psoriasis and have psoriatic Arthritis, both I didn’t have when we met, both have gotten worse where I struggle to stand or use my hands yet I am forced to continue doing it all or it doesn’t get done.

Autoimmune issues are made worse by stress.

I think you need help. Please talk to someone who you trust and get their view of yourself.

You could start with a GP or just see a counsellor yourself if you can afford it.

You should reduce the burden on yourself. If things don't get done it is not the end of the world. You need a breather.

Mental health is difficult , being calm doesn’t mean you’re not suicidal. Quite often you can’t tell they’re going to do anything like that before they do 

Right ok, go and see the doctor on your own about your mental health and how you can be supported with this then because it clearly is affecting you too. I’m just saying to listen to angry people providing negative reinforcement online because that won’t help you either particularly as it’s a mental health issue 

If she was suicidal then when she’s calm she wouldn’t tell me she never has any intention to do anything and she doesn’t know why she says it but she does, to and in front of our children.

She isn’t suicidal, what kicked this off was Covid, hyper focusing on checking for symptoms and the onset of the perimenopause, she’s had so much support it’s ridiculous but she refuses to engage, hides her mistakes claiming no accountability for any of her actions.

I said there was more to the story than you had put in your original thing and it sounds like an unsupported wife not that she is one. You have to take into account her diagnosis etc etc I’m not sure what happened 5 years ago to kick this all off but being suicidal means there will be more to it that’s all. I’m not sure what more you could have done in terms of the medication as like I said it sounds like a mental health issue and she needs to see a doctor about that 

It was water infection which got

treated, within a week she claiming it back again and an issue happened Sunday as I’d dealt with meltdown all day and at 7pm I was sorting food as I hadn’t eaten or done food for my sons cos she wouldn’t stop, Some Clinician on the phone is given to me telling me I need to leave sorting food and drive 5 miles each way in the snow to a pharmacy that’s open until 8pm to get antibiotics, I refused and said I’d get it Monday, I did get it for her Monday like I said, she claimed to have that infection and everyone had to drop everything. Those antibiotics are now sat next to her bed 5DAYS after being prescribed and 5 days after it was so important I went to get them for her.

NHS don’t listen, not to seem argumentative but in your original statement you said it seems like an unsupported wife, can I ask what you based this assumption on please? I’ve been accused of control by her because I wouldn’t go and buy prescription meds online for her, I told her even I’m not in control of that, doctors do tests (supposedly) to make sure they treating the right issue, she’s ordered meds for bv and water infections online WHEN SHE HAS NO SYMPTOMS just so as she has them next to her bed and doesn’t have to wait. Last week she argued blind she had bv again and needed antibiotics (which I’d taken to doctors and they disposed of), 6 hours later she used the same language to tell me it was definitely thrush and by the morning it was definitely a UTI, my response to every single episode was contact the GP who will do the appropriate test and give the correct medication. I was accused of control and ‘putting her down’ by not listening. Please explain in which way I could have been more supportive?

I’m not sure a trusted friend will give you what you need here. You need to talk to her and the NHS a trusted friend isn’t an educated friend ….

Oh this is a different detail…. You shouldn’t be getting threatened but hopefully you can find the right support and talking therapy definitely helps if you can get her to talk. Sometimes it’s not that quick and easy but yeah look after yourself too 

Yah you both need help, you’re clearly struggling yourself and shouldn’t have to carry all of the weight of the burden but I wouldn’t put it down to coercive control and end your relationship like that it’s such a shame. Now that you’re more aware I would just say please try and find a solution together with support from the NHS 

I am listening though so I’m going to speak with a trusted friend, I know the behaviour is wrong but the autism is always used to justify it, that bloke told me to make an autistic woman leave her kids was wrong even if it hurt them, I just wanted some idea as he said autism wasn’t an excuse it was the reason.

I am listening though so I’m going to speak with a trusted friend, I know the behaviour is wrong but the autism is always used to justify it, that bloke told me to make an autistic woman leave her kids was wrong even if it hurt them, I just wanted some idea as he said autism wasn’t an excuse it was the reason.

Mental health is difficult , being calm doesn’t mean you’re not suicidal. Quite often you can’t tell they’re going to do anything like that before they do 

Right ok, go and see the doctor on your own about your mental health and how you can be supported with this then because it clearly is affecting you too. I’m just saying to listen to angry people providing negative reinforcement online because that won’t help you either particularly as it’s a mental health issue 

If she was suicidal then when she’s calm she wouldn’t tell me she never has any intention to do anything and she doesn’t know why she says it but she does, to and in front of our children.

She isn’t suicidal, what kicked this off was Covid, hyper focusing on checking for symptoms and the onset of the perimenopause, she’s had so much support it’s ridiculous but she refuses to engage, hides her mistakes claiming no accountability for any of her actions.

I said there was more to the story than you had put in your original thing and it sounds like an unsupported wife not that she is one. You have to take into account her diagnosis etc etc I’m not sure what happened 5 years ago to kick this all off but being suicidal means there will be more to it that’s all. I’m not sure what more you could have done in terms of the medication as like I said it sounds like a mental health issue and she needs to see a doctor about that 

It was water infection which got

treated, within a week she claiming it back again and an issue happened Sunday as I’d dealt with meltdown all day and at 7pm I was sorting food as I hadn’t eaten or done food for my sons cos she wouldn’t stop, Some Clinician on the phone is given to me telling me I need to leave sorting food and drive 5 miles each way in the snow to a pharmacy that’s open until 8pm to get antibiotics, I refused and said I’d get it Monday, I did get it for her Monday like I said, she claimed to have that infection and everyone had to drop everything. Those antibiotics are now sat next to her bed 5DAYS after being prescribed and 5 days after it was so important I went to get them for her.

NHS don’t listen, not to seem argumentative but in your original statement you said it seems like an unsupported wife, can I ask what you based this assumption on please? I’ve been accused of control by her because I wouldn’t go and buy prescription meds online for her, I told her even I’m not in control of that, doctors do tests (supposedly) to make sure they treating the right issue, she’s ordered meds for bv and water infections online WHEN SHE HAS NO SYMPTOMS just so as she has them next to her bed and doesn’t have to wait. Last week she argued blind she had bv again and needed antibiotics (which I’d taken to doctors and they disposed of), 6 hours later she used the same language to tell me it was definitely thrush and by the morning it was definitely a UTI, my response to every single episode was contact the GP who will do the appropriate test and give the correct medication. I was accused of control and ‘putting her down’ by not listening. Please explain in which way I could have been more supportive?

I’m not sure a trusted friend will give you what you need here. You need to talk to her and the NHS a trusted friend isn’t an educated friend ….