I often say to people 'look after yourself' and it reminds me that my father used to say it to me and it really resonated.
I didn't look after myself for a large part of my life and I'm reaping the effects now.
Do you think that you find it hard to put yourself first?
Do you find it hard to physically care for yourself?
I wonder if this is autism related.
My father said the same thing too.
In respect of looking after myself - the diagnosis process that I went thro' revealed some aspects of self care that I struggle with - why I am disabled by the condition... A tough learn - areas of one's life that one considered to be delegated to a partner either by expediency or laziness identified as being outside of one's capacity to do without support. Not a positive thing for one's ego!
But for luck, grace and others who cared for me could easily have ended up destitute.
I have had issues in maintaining and seeking personal health care - not sure this was specifically autism related tho'
So is this autism related ? I am coming to think that difficulties in self care I experience are mostly related to the experience of being an undiagnosed autistic person in a neurotypical world that doesn't cater for autistic people very well. (I admit that there is also part of me that says this is simply because I'm a lazy useless piece of work but maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself there...)
The cause of difficulties in this area I personally now consider to be having lived in what might be termed "survival mode" for significant periods of my life and prolonged periods of burnout. During which self care in terms of planning for the future appears to have been neglected by me. I kidded myself this was what living in the moment might be like however I now appreciate that one can live in the moment and plan for the future too... better late than never maybe....
I am sometimes very selfish in a way that is good for my own self care.however there is a part of me that has been somewhat stuck in needing to care for other people before myself it seems too - I have recently come across a model of why one does this being because one is "fawning" - wherein one's brain seeks to placate threat and aims to avoid conflict through extreme people pleasing behaviour..
This is tricky as caring for other people is something that gets great social kudos and makes one feel better about oneself - unfortunately tho' doing so at the expense of oneself can be highly damaging to an autistic person and can leave one open to abuse (putting one deeper into "survival mode").
I find it significantly hard to put myself first especially when it comes with physically taking care of myself. To me there’s so many challenges and sensory difficulties to navigate in basic day to day self care tasks it’s hard to keep up with them all. I recently had a bad bout of burnout so as I’m recovering I’m trying to think about ways I can make more time for myself and make these self care tasks more accessible. So far I’m doing pretty decent so I’m proud of myself.
Do you find it hard to physically care for yourself?
I'm lucky that I was "trained" by my first girlfriend on what was acceptable and why - I'm sure it must have been odd for her at the time but there were certainly rewards as a result of being fresh and clean which I won't go into here but were a strong motivator to adapt.
Now I am in my late 50s I took time to stop and take stock of how the effects of aging (grey hair, balding, takes more effort to do things etc) are working against my long term health. Some are trivial (the hair for example) but others like fitness and strength play a huge part in later life health.
I do annual health checks with my doctor so any illnesses or issues are caught early and changes in things like my prostate (a common issue in males my age) are monitored carefully. Luckily all good so far in spite of many prodding fingers over the years.
I see a dermatologist annually as the strong sun out here in Brazil is a common cause of skin cancer. It is odd having my yoda-like lady doctor going over my skin slowly and methodically with a magnifying glass to spot anything that look out of place.
I get my teeth checked every 6 months and cleaned. I've had all my old fillings removed and replaced or crowns installed instead to keep oral heath and ability matching everything else.
I've even had an endoscopy and colonoscopy to check me internally end to end - it did catch an issue with the valve at the top of my stomach which I've been able to deal with.
I now have a nutritionist who measured in detail my body composition each year so my fat levels are kept down and muscle levels up. The last visit I was told to drop 9Kg of fat and build as much muscle as I could which is a challenge but in 2 months I'm 75% of the way there.
Having a lot of muscle and lowish fat levels are all great for skeletal strenght in later years apparently - and I now have a very balanced and easily controlled diet that makes it easy since my meals are pre planned and I don't need to think about much more than a scheduled shopping list.
I guess taking the time to do all this now while I have the opportunity to correct the situations before age starts to play more of a part is sensible. It isn't cheap but if I can have 10 more years of healthy, active retirement then it is all worth it.
I see so many people in their 50s who look like they are 70 - hobbling about, pot bellied and wheezing away. I don't want to be one of them.
I struggle with it. I change my clothes when someone tells me, they are dirty. Recently that was my daughter. I used to have big issues with hygiene when I was a teenager, I had conversations with my grandma, who used to explain to me, that I had to shower because I smelled bad and had grey spots on my skin. I couldn't understand why I had to shower. I was around 16-18 at that time. It was also granny sho would take me for shopping to buy me new trousers or shoes. If she just gave me money, I would forget about it because it was not in my daily routine. Now I don't have problems with showering, I made sure to include it in my daily routine, but I do still struggle with clothes and shoes. I often get clothes from my mom, so I don't have to remember to go shopping, which I don't like. There is too wide choice and risk thst I would not find same item that tge one I have. And the crowds of customers and strong lights are aldo bad. It also happened to me to leave shop with something that I didn't want but couldn't say thst to the sales person. This caused me huge frustration and anxiety. So I appear to be fine, because I got help from various people in my life. I aldo had periods when I almost stopped eating, then periods of overeating, nor enough hydrating etc. Big mess.
Yes, I find it difficult to physically care properly for myself. I’m capable of doing many of the things that might come under self care but I prioritise my interests rather than everything else.
I also have difficulty organising my home which might come under self care as the disorganisation causes me distress. Most of the time my home looks clean and tidy if anyone were to call and walk round the rooms, and my kitchen and bathrooms are squeaky clean at the moment. The disorganisation is mostly hidden behind cupboards, drawers and the spare bedroom.
I think at least some of my lack of self care is related to autism, but I can’t tell whether some aspects are things non-autistic people experience.
