Articulate?

I will be sad to see you go too. I hope you feel better soon. Take care.

I will be so sorry to see you go Cinnabar_wing  I understand how suggestive remarks put out by a minority can manipulate feelings and make you feel unworthy of being here, but I believe that the majority of people don’t think that you shouldn’t be here and they value your contribution. 

Cinnabar_wing said:

I have asked for my account to be removed

I will be sorry to see you go.

Take care and be safe.

"It might be worth reflecting on whether forums feel like a supportive space for you right now, especially if questions are being perceived as conflict."

Nowhere in this sentence has told you that you are unsuitable to be here. 

I do not know about this gossiping behind the scenes that you speak off. Sorry, I cannot be of more help. I hope the moderators can help us both.

That is a strong accusation. I most certainly did not tell you that you are unsuitable to be here. 

I said I got overwhelmed by too many questions which soboiceland informed me is against forum dynamics and makes me unsuitable to be here. I have asked for my account to be removed but it is a bank holiday so please have patience, the moderators need time off too.

Nobody is asked for proof of diagnosis and nor should they be but that dosen't excuse unfriendliness. 

Maybe the moderators should provide a detailed analysis of forum dynamics, like I said before one of the things I've always liked about this forum is its openess and lack of people gossiping behind the scenes about other members are you implying that this is now happening?

I don’t want to label or judge anyone as naive, as that wouldn’t be my place.

From my own experience, this forum includes people at many different stages, including those who are questioning or still figuring things out. When I joined, I wasn’t asked to provide proof of diagnosis, which suggests the space is intentionally broad and inclusive. 

If you want a more detailed perspective on terms like ‘forum dynamics,’ moderators might be able to help clarify.

I'm autistic I don't understand 'forum dynamics' as anything more than I posted previously. One of the things I've always liked about this place is the lack of '..invisible social currents..' all of us being ND seems to mean that we're more forgiving and open and don't gather behind the scenes and gossip about other members, or am I being incredibly naive?

By “forum dynamics” I mean the invisible social currents in online spaces. This includes things like different communication styles, misunderstandings, and expectations that can shape how conversations unfold.

Oh so usual stuff then! This seems to happen a lot, although I'm not sure what you mean by '..forum dynamics', to me that usually says that one person's being pedantic and another is a sense of offence looking for somewhere to happen and someone else innocently walks into the middle and gets all the flak?

Thanks for your question.

I think it is due to different perceptions of intent, high-stakes topics, lengthy analytical posts, online communication limitations, and mix of advice vs personal experience. It is not unfriendly because we have done anything wrong. It's a natural result of misaligned interpretations, sensitive topics, and forum dynamics.

I appreciate that you’re encouraging courage and sharing personal experience. I wonder, though, whether phrases like ‘confidence is what makes the difference in life’ could unintentionally feel like pressure for some people. Sometimes not answering questions simply reflects comfort with personal boundaries or a choice not to share. That doesn’t have to mean someone has lost confidence.

Why has this thread suddenly become unfriendly?

But I see people deleting their posts because they have lost confidence. This is one of the biggest problems of autism when younger, in my opinion, and something to overcome if you are introverted. It is hard to say something. I want to encourage people to speak and have the courage to leave it up. Even if some disagree others will agree if you wait, and even if they don't you still have a voice. It is something I found very hard 20+ years ago. Being seen is hard. But confidence is what makes the difference in life. It is what allows you to do things.

If you just keep quiet or repeat what others say you end up invisible, masking or fawning, none of which create genuine relationships. This is the place to try.

I understand that comment is probably meant to be supportive, reassuring someone they don’t have to act in a certain way. The effect, though, can feel ironic if it triggers the sense of being told what to do.

I think we are talking at crossed purposes here. People can choose to do whatever they want.

The point is only to not to feel pressured into doing something you don't want by other people.

 Cinnabar_wing I read your comment and this thread last night and from what I remember, there wasn’t anything here that was wrong, inappropriate or silly.  You don’t have to be different or write in a way that isn’t your natural style, because your writing reflects your natural personality and self. 

I have always enjoyed, valued and paid attention to your comments because they are worth reading. 

We have the option to delete or edit our messages.

We have the option to follow the Online Community Rules. 

We have the option to remove ourselves from forums that are not serving us well.

We have the option to consider what someone is telling us.

We get to decide how we word our thoughts, questions, and experiences.

We get to decide whether well-meaning comments are too much for us. 

We get to decide whether to be gentler or apologise.

We get to decide whether to take on other people's unsolicited suggestions.

We get to decide whether we want to believe someone's assumptions on why someone might not be answering questions. For example, they might be timid or do not find it easy. 

People can share their philosophy of forums, based on long experience. That doesn’t mean we have to adopt it.

What is "best" for one person might not be for another. We get to decide what is best for us. That includes deleting a post or apologising.