Solipsistic anxiety *trigger warning*

I've absolutely had this strongly at various points in my life, I'm guessing it was a response to stress. To be honest it's still something I ruminate on now and again and have come to the conclusion that there isn't a way to think it through logically to either confirm or debunk this idea.

However, I have come to the conclusion that ruminating on it is not a productive or useful thing to do so I try to avoid doing so (which is quite difficult!). I've found that hikes out in nature really help me. It's strange in a way because out hiking I do tend to be in my own head but somehow I have to go through this in order to come out the other side of it. Being somewhere with lots of people does not help for me at least! 

I figure that the issue you describe might relate to the historic definition of being autistic from the early 20th century - that of a social withdrawal from reality.  The idea being that autistic people engage in a personal fantasy of the world that differed from "normal" people.

Today this view has shifted to autistic people having a different but no less valid version of reality to "normal" people.

Your concern about whether other people exist is quite rational when one considers that what everyone believes to be "reality" is an internal model of what the f7ck is happening.  Ask 2 different people to describe what takes place in a situation and you can get really different perspectives.  What is the "evidence" depends on what they notice and how they interpret it... There are "blind spots" and biases in everyone's version of reality.

There is an old story about someone waking from a dream that they were a butterfly and then getting confused whether they were human dreaming they were a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming they were human. That messes with anyone's head I guess?

My experience of getting diagnosed later in life was that, maybe like you, it really messed with what I could believe to be "true".  All those years and then a completely different lens to see one's life thro'... It is f7cking hard to change what one believes...  even tho' you're clever enough to conceptualise stuff differently the deeper "understanding" takes a lot of shifting

If you are a bit lost as to whether something is real or not maybe you might benefit from some "grounding" experiences...

Hehe there is another old story about a monk who when asked for enlightenment by a student would hit them over the head with a stick...

Later on they used more subtle techniques...

I would suggest that you might try pausing for a little while when you are reflecting on others or are in social contact with them and letting observations and assimilation take place before letting the "autistic autopilot" take control of your normal reaction.  take a moment to observe the other person and think a little about their perspective and try to "create" a model of them in that moment.  The truth is the version of them you generate is only a facsimile - our brains can do no more than this - they are nonetheless "real" people.

 THIS LAST BIT IS A JOKE -  if this doesn't work then you could ask them to hit you on the head with a stick to test things out! 

Best wishes

Your description reminds me more of a dissociated state than simply ruminating on a philosophical theory. when i'm dissociated nothing seems real including other people.

if it is, that would make sense as its quite a common reaction to both stress, grief and general overwhelm. But I am in no way qualified to diagnose i"m only suggesting you might want to look into this and see if it helps to you to understand what's going on for you. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your dog, it's horrible and there's nothing I can say that will make it ok.

My advice would be to try to focus on grounding activities.

This is my attempt at describing two different facets that happened to me. No idea if this resonates:

.

The path I had walked, some times and then more, it didn't feel new, or gate that I saw.
Card made it open, it usually did, process recorded on company vid.
It happened the same, most every day, or did it just seem, that that was the way.
The beep a bit muted, the day very clear, someone was speaking, it sounded quite near.
Words were then spoken, they came out from me, question left floating, no answer to see.
The gate was a gate, it did what they do, a push made it open and step took you through.
No newness to see, or something to flee, the world all around observing me be.
Interpretative layer sat in the way, watching myself watching the day.

.

Alone in my bed, watching myself think, the tears I could feel appeared with each blink.
The crying suppressed, not really noted, visions explored, emotions encoated.
The flooding intense, it all seemed to merge, what did it mean, oh how it could surge.
It built to a peak, a heart in real pain, silently staring, chest knotted again.
The climbing went on, the final new pitch, all of a sudden: off went the switch.
Less than a moment, emotions all gone, breathing now paused, is something now wrong?
But nothing came back, nothing now mattered, no good and no bad, the tears had all scattered.
A feeling so numb, I'd thought of a hug, I'd broken my brain, or discovered a bug.

Dissociation is strange. The exact experience can be different for each person, but is a stress response.

I have felt I was there but things didn't seem quite real. It is not obvious what is wrong. I don't want to say like a dream as it was much more real than that, more like it was a kind of simulation.

I can't say I've ever felt there wasn't anyone else, just that I was in a different version of the world, but I would eventually get back to the real one.

I didn't feel particularly anxious about it just confused.

Do you think it is revealing some deeper fear?

The fear of being completely alone in "my" universe - as in literally alone - is a hard anxiety to take - Do I really believe it?  Thinking rationally NO, but Anxiety isnt rational a lot of the time.

The fear is being completely alone as in LITERALLY ALONE, nobody exists but you - Ive just seen a therapist who specialises in Autism - she says Im "disassociating"  - It helped to be told Im not crazy in any case.

I'd not heard of it.

But if you are the only one why would you be anxious? Everyone around you is a projection or a dumb robot, so it doesn't matter what you do. Who is going to judge you - only yourself.

You are the only one who can decide, so I suppose that adds some pressure if you are worried, but worried about what?.

I don't have advice I'm afraid as I wasn't aware of this way of thinking ie solipsism as a philosophical idea.

Here is a Wiki explanation for anyone interested:

en.wikipedia.org/.../Solipsism

Maybe some research about it might be helpful to you, in particular with regard to the evidence that a whole world exists around you - if it isn't actually there, then what is it?  Is it a figment of your imagination?

I find this interesting but I realise that you are suffering, so I hope that someone else will be able to give you a more useful reply.