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Solipsistic anxiety *trigger warning*

Reddragon84

Hi guys,

Im 41, diagnosed as AuDHD at the age of 35 in 2019 after 35 years of feeling like different and not knowing why.

Its been a rough 3 months or so for me stress wise - but 2 months ago I suddenly got anxious that nobody "exists" other than me - I already knew about the mindf**k philosophical theory of Solipsism - but it hadnt bothered me - but suddenly after a period of stress, physical health issues and having to put my Border collie down - Ive had really crippling anxiety - worrying that nobody "exists" except me and Im all "alone" in my "own" Universe - Being Autistic I have "felt" like that from time to time but not to the extent it was giving me crazy levels of Anxiety.

Seen my GP, who referred me to the CMHT, who say they "cannot" help me as my anxiety has its "basis" in my Autism - they believe my anxiety is "Autistic looping & rumination"  - So Im now on a potential 6 months long waiting list for support from the local Autism support service.

Ive been told that Solipsistic fears is quite common in Autistic individuals - something I did not know.

I understand that a Solipsistic belief is selfish, self obsessed and self centered - but my neurodiverse mind is full of "What Ifs?"  What if Im the only consciousness?  What if my Mum, Dad, siblings, friends dont exist? What if nobody else exists? and it gives me panic attacks and anxiety - I want to let these sticky intrusive thoughts go, but its very difficult, especially at the moment.

Any advice from others (who Im pretty sure exist) of how to overcome this particular anxiety?  

Thanks

Parents

  • This is my attempt at describing two different facets that happened to me. No idea if this resonates:

    .

    The path I had walked, some times and then more, it didn't feel new, or gate that I saw.
    Card made it open, it usually did, process recorded on company vid.
    It happened the same, most every day, or did it just seem, that that was the way.
    The beep a bit muted, the day very clear, someone was speaking, it sounded quite near.
    Words were then spoken, they came out from me, question left floating, no answer to see.
    The gate was a gate, it did what they do, a push made it open and step took you through.
    No newness to see, or something to flee, the world all around observing me be.
    Interpretative layer sat in the way, watching myself watching the day.

    .

    Alone in my bed, watching myself think, the tears I could feel appeared with each blink.
    The crying suppressed, not really noted, visions explored, emotions encoated.
    The flooding intense, it all seemed to merge, what did it mean, oh how it could surge.
    It built to a peak, a heart in real pain, silently staring, chest knotted again.
    The climbing went on, the final new pitch, all of a sudden: off went the switch.
    Less than a moment, emotions all gone, breathing now paused, is something now wrong?
    But nothing came back, nothing now mattered, no good and no bad, the tears had all scattered.
    A feeling so numb, I'd thought of a hug, I'd broken my brain, or discovered a bug.

Reply

  • This is my attempt at describing two different facets that happened to me. No idea if this resonates:

    .

    The path I had walked, some times and then more, it didn't feel new, or gate that I saw.
    Card made it open, it usually did, process recorded on company vid.
    It happened the same, most every day, or did it just seem, that that was the way.
    The beep a bit muted, the day very clear, someone was speaking, it sounded quite near.
    Words were then spoken, they came out from me, question left floating, no answer to see.
    The gate was a gate, it did what they do, a push made it open and step took you through.
    No newness to see, or something to flee, the world all around observing me be.
    Interpretative layer sat in the way, watching myself watching the day.

    .

    Alone in my bed, watching myself think, the tears I could feel appeared with each blink.
    The crying suppressed, not really noted, visions explored, emotions encoated.
    The flooding intense, it all seemed to merge, what did it mean, oh how it could surge.
    It built to a peak, a heart in real pain, silently staring, chest knotted again.
    The climbing went on, the final new pitch, all of a sudden: off went the switch.
    Less than a moment, emotions all gone, breathing now paused, is something now wrong?
    But nothing came back, nothing now mattered, no good and no bad, the tears had all scattered.
    A feeling so numb, I'd thought of a hug, I'd broken my brain, or discovered a bug.

Children
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