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christmas... tell me it's not just me

Monkeyclogs

My annual christmas related meltdowns have started.

Every year it destabilises me.

However much I try to contain it, the dread and required preparation loom over me for the whole of December and then it takes me most of January to recover.

Last year i faked covid at the last minute, managed to drive down to my mom's to drop off presents for everyone. I was a complete emotional mess on her driveway which of course was interpretted as my disappointment at missing out on Christmas. I didnt need to fake covid with friends as they'd watched my eating disorder relapse over the previous 6 months so understood my isolation as not wanting to be around food. This year, I've been a stable weight for 4 months and there's no chance of getting away with the covid lie two years in a row. plus, with my brother being abroad if I don't do christmas my mom will be on her own.

Is this a just me thing?

  • I understand the dread around this time of year. Mine is more around being sociable for long periods and being around larger groups but I sit wondering how to get myself off the hook. 
    Keeping it simple in a familiar environment with people who you are comfortable around would soften the pressure, perhaps prepare with things to watch, board games or something you enjoy and because you have prepared makes it predictable.

    Just a thought 

  • in reply to Lotus

    in theory yes, but she's not an easy guest. Unfortunately she lives just under 2 hours drive away so bringing her here would be an 8 hour driving commitment for me on top of any other hosting duties like cooking diner etc. She'd probably want to stay over too which is whole host of potential problems I'm trying to not imagine. 

  • in reply to Monkeyclogs

    hehe - there it is then!

    maybe your family would understand you prefer it that way and you could negotiate something closer to that for yourself.

    Let them know you love them another way?

    How about a 20 minute video call between you, your dog and them on the day and less stressful visits or meet ups some other time?

    It's not like we have to go back to the city of our birth to pay our taxes these days is it?

  • in reply to Phased

    if you take out all the drama in the build up to christmas last year and the making ammends i had to do after letting everyone down, it was actually my "best christmas day ever". it ended up just me and my dog at home, i didn't feel pressured to eat or to engage with people or open any presents as everyone thought i was asleep all day on account of 'having covid' We (me and my dog) went for a long walk in the hills and then curled up together to watch Wallace and gromit and shared some pigs in blankets. I think it was the 27th/28th when I 'recovered from covid' enough to manage phone calls or open presents.

  • If it would just be you and your mom could you discuss beforehand with her about doing things differently, maybe paring it down to a relaxing day together without an extravagant meal, maybe watch a good film or do some crafting together? I do understand the dread of Christmas, it’s too much and gets earlier every year, I can cope with it though if I do only half of the things I’m expected or invited to! 

  • No, it's not just you. I don't have any family that I see now at any time of the year, so Christmas is a nice quiet affair at home, just me and my other half, and even better now I'm retired as I don't have all the stress of colleagues going on about it.

    If your mother would be on her own if you don't spend it with her, would a better option be for you to invite her to your home where you have more control over things?

  • I agree with you.

    I love my family and really want them (and myself) to have a brilliant time at xmas. 

    However...

    Possibly having "successfully" avoided the stress of social interactions where I inevitably seem to get it wrong for most of the rest of the year...

    Having all that extra noise of music that really does jar sometimes with how I am feeling and despite it being meant to illicit a uptrun in mood it can all be a bit much...

    Stressing about whether I can/have made the right gift and messages...

    Knowing that for so many years in my case i have "managed" the process by beginning my journey to total inebriation with "xmas spirits" of a more volatile type as soon as breakfast...

    The inevitable xmas disaster and pathos of those less fortunate than oneself on the news that because it stands in stark juxtaposition with the message of hope that a celebration at this time of year (in the cold and dark part of the world anyway) is symbolically and functionally attuned to.

    This is perhaps the saddest part - knowing what a let down there is during and after the experience there can be versus "neurotypical expectations" when one observes other people .

    Like when can you remember anyone saying "this has been the best xmas ever!" except on cheesy movies and TV dramas...?

    I hope that you get to be with people that you love and get the presents you deserve from this xmas  

    Here's a thought - maybe if any of them ask you what you want for xmas you could come up with a version of xmas that really "gets you" and ask them for that?

    Maybe you might be able to give yourself that present?

    hehe - pull the turkey bone,  here's wishing!