Why do men like women who act like little girls?

Cinnabar_wing said:

why are you defending abusive behaviour and victim blaming? Why are you projecting onto me?

I didn't defend any behaviour - I was curious as to why you jumped to a single conclusion rather than a range of other options. 

Abuse in all its forms is unacceptable, whether a girl being abused by her boyfriend, the boyfriend being abused by his mother or whatever.

I didn't project either - I said I've seen other people project and asked if you could be doing this in the suituation described.

Iain said:

I don't mean this as a dig and I don't expect an answer but consdering it when you are analysing a situation and you should help you reach a more balanced answer.

There is a Japanese saying that goes along the lines of "to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail". 

I'm encouraging you to check closer to see it these things are nails or not.

And why are you defending abusive behaviour and victim blaming? Why are you projecting onto me?

The specifics were the boyfriend insisted on keeping track on the girlfriends whereabouts all the time, that they would get angry if the girlfriends messaged anyone without their consent, insisted on reading the girls phone messages and the girl being kept in a state of fear, indeed when I met him and called him out for this behaviour, the girl defended him with such fear he would be angry with her later. The father was a builder and the boyfriend was going into the trade of the idolised father. His mother was not mentioned. 

I've never been abused myself but girls are often taught to recognise abusive controlling behaviour. It's in public toilets trying to reach those living in fear.

Maybe its as simple as “easy”!

i dont know.

Cinnabar_wing said:

seemed obvious they were being manipulated by boyfriends, to the point I started worrying that these boyfriends must have grown up in houses where their mothers must be in really abusive relationships  and wishing I could somehow help these invisible suffering women.

I find this train of thought quite interesting.

The boyfriends are exhibiting bad behaviour and rather than think that they are acting out because they are suffering you jumped instead to their mother being abused instead.

There seem so many other options - perahaps the boys were abused by their mother, by siblings or father, maybe the boyfrineds are psychopaths, are mentally ill or anything else.

I have seen people project their own experiences this way when jumping to conclusions and it helps to realise this so you can better understand that there are so many other things it could be and that your bias is not allowed to interfere with the analysis.

I don't mean this as a dig and I don't expect an answer but consdering it when you are analysing a situation and you should help you reach a more balanced answer.

I've never understood a lot of people's ideas of how to go about relationships. In uni, finding out about flatmates relationships, I could not get my head around the ideas of playing mind games, ones being drawn to boys that stole cars (literal bad boys), or ones that it seemed obvious they were being manipulated by boyfriends, to the point I started worrying that these boyfriends must have grown up in houses where their mothers must be in really abusive relationships  and wishing I could somehow help these invisible suffering women.

So glad I met my lovely straightforward husband and we are both quiet and rational. The biggest problems for him is dealing with my 'quirks', but at least we finally know why after 20+ years.

Desmond1979 said:

There is a growing number of Young Men and Women turning towards Christianity, here and in the US

Do you think it has become a polluted version of Christianity though? The same people pushing it are pushing for white supremacy, intolerance and dictatorship. Not exactly the qualities Christianity was founded on.

There is a growing number of Young Men and Women turning towards Christianity, here and in the US. Even Paris is witnessing a Revival.

Desmond1979 said:

Unless their entire lives are spent online

Well that covers all of Gen Z and Gen Alpha so I suspect by this estimation there are going to be a lot of them in future.

Those 'Men' are probably Laddish, themselves.

No Man in the World can heal a woman with Daddy Issues. She's just 'Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie!' Then she'll run off, and use the 'Silver Bullet' tactic to say you mistreated her.

Not all young Women are Lucy TikToks. Unless their entire lives are spent online and on TV.

I was on a different planet earlier, and probably still am. I get the damsel in distress bit, but I have only seen that sort of behaviour on TV, and I think much of that was in cartoons, comedy, films and drama, rather than real life.

I think some women didn’t use to do ‘traditional male’ things like simple home repairs and home maintenance. Societal expectations and norms have perhaps played a role in enabling such behaviours to continue if there is an advantage (even if it is unfair/distorted) to the woman. 

Women do it too, not just men.

TheCatWoman said:

Sometimes I think all human relationships are transactional and manipulative, especially sexual and romantic ones. 

I don't. Some can be but I have not had this same experience in most of my long term relationships.

TheCatWoman said:

then they go and dump me for someone exactly like the previous girlfriend who hurt them so badly, i

It seems quite common for men to have a "type" of partner that they seem to be looking for in the situations you describe.

When on the rebound they often choose badly and once over the rebound phase will revert to form and want more of the same that they had before.

This article explains the why of this quite well:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202211/does-everyone-really-have-type

A damsel in distress, a woman who behaves like a child to manipulate men into doing things for them.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's experienced this, I've often been rebound woman, guys are attracted to my independence, that I don't flutter my eyelashes and pretend to be stupid, that I only ask for help when it's something I can't do myself. then they go and dump me for someone exactly like the previous girlfriend who hurt them so badly, it seems they don't really want a woman who can be a real partner, but someone who's a princess.

I've worked with a lot of men and usually once a man realises that I work just as hard as anyone else and that if I ask for hand with something they help me just as they would a bloke, but there are some who make life very uncomfortable and try and make trouble for any man who treats me as an equal.

I think a lot of women like bad boys because of the whiff of danger, we often find the slightly transgressive appealling. I've had all the things happen to me that Iain has described coming from women.

I don't think it's actual youth that attracts men to these princesses, or that they want a child, but I do think for many theres an element of protectiveness, I rarely get anyone wanting to protect me, so I've had to learn to protect myself, often from the men who want to protect women, its a very weird situation.

But I also think there are many people who try and have the same relationship with multiple different partners at different times. It's like they got an idea of what a relationship should be and try and cram someone into the fantasy and then wonder why it goes wrong. They never learn, the fantasy is more important than looking at what actually be wrong.

Sometimes I think all human relationships are transactional and manipulative, especially sexual and romantic ones. 

TheCatWoman said:

I'm not trying to have a go at anyone here, apart from maybe the child women, I'm just curious to know if others recognise this pattern of behaviour and how they deal with it? 

I don’t know anyone who behaves this way. How would you know if someone is really incapable of understanding things or if they are pretending?

I have heard of women who exhibit ‘neediness’ as a way of attracting the attention of those they want to date, but I think that is a temporary behaviour and not related to what you describe.

Perhaps bad experiences or laziness makes people unwilling to try new things 

I think that humans can be manipulative and can exhibit a range of good and bad behaviours, many of to whom I would give a wide berth. 

It depends on whether you are refering to behaviour or appearance, or both. 

Men have a protective instinct. A damsel in distress is someone to save. It's a bit fairytale but it's appealing and what you grew up with. It is a very risky prospect though, as you noticed, and is quite often dysfunctional and manipulative.

Youthful looks are also hard-wired attraction items. Wide eyes, soft skin, etc. The Japanese play on this in their comics, to a questionable degree in my opinion.

Women are also at their most fertile when younger, so it is playing to biology.

You also have the consideration that intimacy is when a man is most vulnerable, physically and mentally. So having someone who looks compliant is lower risk. I suppose there may also be a power trip element too.

The push pull dynamic, inconsistent behaviour with affection then harshness, is psychologically very addictive and very hard to break away from.

Some is conscious, some unconscious. Not all is intentional.

Explain what you mean? Child in what way?  
Not everyone can do or think the way everyone else can. 

Apparently, though my flabber is utterly gasted at the thought, some men found Margaret Thatcher sexually appealing. There is a wide variation in what people find attractive in potential partners. There is some hard-wired basic primate psychology at work behind stereotypes, however. Based on the protection/nurture combination. Males tend to have a protective impulse, so an ingenue, child-like woman can appeal to this. Overtly macho men can appeal to women as they hold out the prospect of being 'super protectors', but in reality are likely to be 'super abandoners', or 'super philanderers'. On the flip side, women can have their nurturing instincts appealed to by a man who seems unkempt and inept, 'In need of looking after'.

Honestly I don't know most people are weird these days. The dating scene in 2025 is terrible haha. In fact a lot of young men and women nowadays are going years without any intimacy with another person. Almost no one is having kids anymore. Most people my age don't even want a relationship because everyone is so toxic. Everyone is on something else has anyone noticed it? Since the last 5 years everything feels like it's collapsing societally. Pubs and nightclubs are closing. Drug and alcohol use increasing. Loneliness and isolation increasing. I kinda scares me some times and makes me worry. I just hope we humans can come to some sort of resolution and make the world better hopefully.