Why do men like women who act like little girls?

I've never understood a lot of people's ideas of how to go about relationships. In uni, finding out about flatmates relationships, I could not get my head around the ideas of playing mind games, ones being drawn to boys that stole cars (literal bad boys), or ones that it seemed obvious they were being manipulated by boyfriends, to the point I started worrying that these boyfriends must have grown up in houses where their mothers must be in really abusive relationships  and wishing I could somehow help these invisible suffering women.

So glad I met my lovely straightforward husband and we are both quiet and rational. The biggest problems for him is dealing with my 'quirks', but at least we finally know why after 20+ years.

Cinnabar_wing said:

seemed obvious they were being manipulated by boyfriends, to the point I started worrying that these boyfriends must have grown up in houses where their mothers must be in really abusive relationships  and wishing I could somehow help these invisible suffering women.

I find this train of thought quite interesting.

The boyfriends are exhibiting bad behaviour and rather than think that they are acting out because they are suffering you jumped instead to their mother being abused instead.

There seem so many other options - perahaps the boys were abused by their mother, by siblings or father, maybe the boyfrineds are psychopaths, are mentally ill or anything else.

I have seen people project their own experiences this way when jumping to conclusions and it helps to realise this so you can better understand that there are so many other things it could be and that your bias is not allowed to interfere with the analysis.

I don't mean this as a dig and I don't expect an answer but consdering it when you are analysing a situation and you should help you reach a more balanced answer.

And why are you defending abusive behaviour and victim blaming? Why are you projecting onto me?

The specifics were the boyfriend insisted on keeping track on the girlfriends whereabouts all the time, that they would get angry if the girlfriends messaged anyone without their consent, insisted on reading the girls phone messages and the girl being kept in a state of fear, indeed when I met him and called him out for this behaviour, the girl defended him with such fear he would be angry with her later. The father was a builder and the boyfriend was going into the trade of the idolised father. His mother was not mentioned. 

I've never been abused myself but girls are often taught to recognise abusive controlling behaviour. It's in public toilets trying to reach those living in fear.

No Iain I don't feel that you're the victim here and it didn't seem '..clearly meant to be informational..' it read as confrontational, as gas lighting and as an attempt to shut down anothers experience.

Informational is an interesting word choice, because it did not come across as informational, but as condescending and dictatorial, hence me asking if you ever read your posts aloud to yourself. 

You live in a very black and white world where there is little room for error, when someone says something more conversational and not able to be backed up with learned articles, dictionary definitions, etc, it seems as though this presents you with an "out of context problem". When presented with an out of context problem you seek to bring it back into a context you understand by moving it to either black or white and if that cannot be done, then question the person who's raised the "out of context problem". The problem, is that this questioning comes across as aggressive and belittling.

Nobody wants or expects you to just post about puppies and kittens, few want that for this site either, but if you challenge other peoples thinking, then you have to accept that your thinking and views will be challenged too.

TheCatWoman said:

In your zeal for balance, you alienate.

My zeal is for both balance and fairness. I don't believe either of these have been exhibited in this conversation.

Consider:

Cinnabar_wing said:

And why are you defending abusive behaviour and victim blaming? Why are you projecting onto me?

I have been accused of some very unpleasant behaviour here and I would ask you to demonstrate where I have shown the things I am accused of. In this situation I am the abused (based on the dictionary definition of To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.)

I did't notice you defending me when this happened.

TheCatWoman said:

Don't you think it's time for you to reflect on how you approach things and what impact your words have on other

Did you really just try to blame the victim.

I'm sorry Cinnabar_wing took such an extreme reaction to my post. It was clearly meant to be informational and I could not have predicted such an extreme reaction.

Should I just post support wishes and puppy pictures? What help does this offer people to improve their lot.

If this is what you are expecting then it is clear I am not welcome.

In your zeal for balance, you alienate. Not everything is a debate with a set agenda and wining and losing sides, sometimes things are just a conversation.

Now Cinnabar_wing wants to leave as she's finding this site to aggressive, are you happy with that? Don't you think it's time for you to reflect on how you approach things and what impact your words have on others, maybe say them aloud and see how they sound before posting?

TheCatWoman said:

Maybe a conclusion wasn't jumped too, maybe the conclusion was arrived at through observation and talking to the other flatmates?

A fair point. Cinnabar_wing did point out that she never understood relationships so reaching conclusions of abuse based on a lack of understanding was what prompted my response about what the alternatives could be

TheCatWoman said:

If we wrote down every little thing we observe about a situation and how we reach a conclusion

If we don't examine the detail and see if the conclusions we reach are valid then we risk repeating our mistakes over and over.

If you want to make sound bites for posts then that is fine but it is the detail that educates.

Thank you TheCatWoman.

I did not intervene as I didn't want my friend to suffer due to my prying. He was such a cocky **** that he showed no signs of the fear he was inspiring in her. She had other boyfriends, the bad boy who stole cars, I could actually see as victims of poor family life. He had a schizophrenic mother and I could understand he had suffered from a volatile childhood. Why you assume I can't see that and need it man-splained to me is curious.

My pattern recognition wondered if this was learned behaviour.  Children learn from their parents, and relationships are one on these aspects. Either they emulate or rebel against what they see at home. This is what I was commenting on, I did not require you to chastise me for showing empathy.

Some of us have hyper empathy and feel everyone's pain.

I did not intervene as I didn't want my friend to suffer due to my prying. He was such a cocky **** that he showed no signs of the fear he was inspiring in her. She had other boyfriends, the bad boy who stole cars, I could actually see as victims of poor family life. He had a schizophrenic mother and I could understand he had suffered from a volatile childhood. Why you assume I can't see that and need it man-splained to me is curious.

My pattern recognition wondered if this was learned behaviour.  Children learn from their parents, and relationships are one on these aspects. Either they emulate or rebel against what they see at home. This is what I was commenting on, I did not require you to chastise me for showing empathy.

Some of us have hyper empathy and feel everyone's pain.