My predicament

I don't mean this in a bad way, it is just an idea to think about.

Why are you so worried about what others say?

You've stated here you know your own mind. You are your own person. You don't need their approval or validation. You have confidence.

What is it you are worried about underneath? I know criticism, real or perceived can be hard, but you can choose what to do. Maybe they aren't a criticism, they are just comments or points of view. 

Trust me. Ignoring others is easier said than done. I also have EUPD, BDD and CPTSD if that explains my situation more. 

Please excuse my joining in (oh the irony of my writing that isn't lost!)  here's a copy and paste from a website that outlines autistic masking:

• Overcompensating in Social Settings:Being excessively polite, agreeable, or accommodating to avoid negative attention.

Autistic Masking Symptoms - Signs, Traits, Effects,

It's not just you Elfilis :-)

Thanks Elfilis 

yes maybe the old stuff is the best :-)

What I have shared with you is, I think, a work up of Plato's "allegory of the cave" from over two and a half thousand years ago!

Allegory of the cave - Wikipedia

Worth thinking about - hehe I think!

All the best :-)

What you have written is brilliant! It’s not guff at all lol! Sometimes the old stuff is the best stuff as well. I will mention this to my psychologist and hopefully she can maybe help me practice this. As I say it never feels right at first, like I think I need to take back control, but then I feel guilty being in control because of what others have said and I go in this vicious cycle again. I need to stop this though but ugh all these sabotaging voices. Hope this makes sense. Say I need to break it one way or another. 

"I feel I’ve just lost so much control of myself and even how I think. "

Perhaps this is a consequence of the "cognitive masking" that the link describes?

Perhaps it is a strange thing to consider that one may have control over how one thinks?

The evidence is that other people do have control over how other people think.  The whole advertising industry for example relies upon this.

I figure that in order to "take control" over how one thinks first one needs to be receptive to evidence of what one says, does or what internal voice(s) is saying.  

There is then potentially a process of "fact checking" one might engage with in order to ascertain whether this thinking is "right".  Based on available evidence be it memories or the shared thoughts of others, ethics or values etc.

One is then perhaps able to consider alternative possibilities - maybe thoughts that haven't been able to be heard because they've been crowded out by louder, more insistent or persistent ones.  Or maybe entirely new ones can be appreciated.

Eventually one might be able to deduce certain biases in thinking one has and be able to consider alternate ways of thinking.

Then comes the possibility of selectively "take control" by choosing how one thinks from balancing the variety of possibilities that are available.

With practice this becomes a skill that is easier to engage with in my experience.

Hehe, I do find myself coming out with a load of old guff sometimes - still I think what I have written has some validity :-)

Don’t worry about joining in! As I said I guess I’m just a people pleaser in order to feel loved and wanted in the world. I feel I’ve just lost so much control of myself and even how I think. 

Thank you for the link, I’ll have a read of it now. I suppose I’ve masked this thing about my mums crush because when this started, our relationship was strained due to her bully sister. I mean ok no one talks to her now but I still feel like my mum doesn’t love me anymore and if I say something bad about her crush she will get so defensive and angry about what I’ve said or she will give me snarky comments like “have I got sh in my eyes” etc and I just go in this vicious circle. Guess I haven’t got control. 

Don’t worry about joining in! As I said I guess I’m just a people pleaser in order to feel loved and wanted in the world. I feel I’ve just lost so much control of myself and even how I think. 

Thank you for the link, I’ll have a read of it now. I suppose I’ve masked this thing about my mums crush because when this started, our relationship was strained due to her bully sister. I mean ok no one talks to her now but I still feel like my mum doesn’t love me anymore and if I say something bad about her crush she will get so defensive and angry about what I’ve said or she will give me snarky comments like “have I got sh in my eyes” etc and I just go in this vicious circle. Guess I haven’t got control. 

Thanks Elfilis 

yes maybe the old stuff is the best :-)

What I have shared with you is, I think, a work up of Plato's "allegory of the cave" from over two and a half thousand years ago!

Allegory of the cave - Wikipedia

Worth thinking about - hehe I think!

All the best :-)

What you have written is brilliant! It’s not guff at all lol! Sometimes the old stuff is the best stuff as well. I will mention this to my psychologist and hopefully she can maybe help me practice this. As I say it never feels right at first, like I think I need to take back control, but then I feel guilty being in control because of what others have said and I go in this vicious cycle again. I need to stop this though but ugh all these sabotaging voices. Hope this makes sense. Say I need to break it one way or another. 

"I feel I’ve just lost so much control of myself and even how I think. "

Perhaps this is a consequence of the "cognitive masking" that the link describes?

Perhaps it is a strange thing to consider that one may have control over how one thinks?

The evidence is that other people do have control over how other people think.  The whole advertising industry for example relies upon this.

I figure that in order to "take control" over how one thinks first one needs to be receptive to evidence of what one says, does or what internal voice(s) is saying.  

There is then potentially a process of "fact checking" one might engage with in order to ascertain whether this thinking is "right".  Based on available evidence be it memories or the shared thoughts of others, ethics or values etc.

One is then perhaps able to consider alternative possibilities - maybe thoughts that haven't been able to be heard because they've been crowded out by louder, more insistent or persistent ones.  Or maybe entirely new ones can be appreciated.

Eventually one might be able to deduce certain biases in thinking one has and be able to consider alternate ways of thinking.

Then comes the possibility of selectively "take control" by choosing how one thinks from balancing the variety of possibilities that are available.

With practice this becomes a skill that is easier to engage with in my experience.

Hehe, I do find myself coming out with a load of old guff sometimes - still I think what I have written has some validity :-)