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My predicament

Elfilis

The horrible past traumas are all rearing their ugly heads and tormenting and upsetting me etc. my self doubts and these various nasty voices are as loud as ever and I can’t focus or even sleep well. Also having nightly nightmares which leave me panicked, shocked, uneasy etc for like the whole day and then I get anxious with the thought of going to sleep. 

Normally she (my mum) helps me with my techniques which involves mentioning the things that I like, but now once again she is mentioning this celebrity who she has a crush on and she thinks I also have a crush on him. I never have but I’m scared to say anything she ends up saying stuff like “why don’t you like him” or something. I’ve tried saying he’s not a nice person IRL, I’ve even freaked out when she mentions him, I’ve tried changing the subject or not showing interest when she mentions him but all to no avail. I’ve even tried to drown her out when she mentions him but then she says this “isn’t like me”.

I mean I’ve had crushes before but omg I was never as obsessed and went on about them compared to my mum with this bloke. 

If I'm struggling I’ll let her know and she replies to me whenever she can sending and talking about things I like. But now she has once again started sending this crush of hers and I don’t want to put up with seeing him but I also don’t want to not mention the stuff that does help me or even put that stuff away. I just don’t know how to get through to her and not upset her at the same time. 

Sorry this has ended up being a long post, guess I just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone has any advice I’ll be grateful. 

Parents

  • I take it you're talking about your Mum? Maybe you're the only person she feels she can talk about this crush too? Although it's not right that she insists you have to like him too.

    What about writing all your thoughts down, all yoour hopes and fears etc before bed? Maybe if you get them out they won't plague you in your sleep?

    Could you do a form of empty chair exercise, where you put either a photograph and an object that reminds you of that person and tell them to leave you alone, that what they did to a young and vulnerable person was wicked and that they're the bad ones not you? I feel as though you need to take back your power from all the past abusers, if they are in the past then thats where they need to stay and they only have as much power over you as you allow them to have by giving them the energy of your thougts, fears and worries. 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Ahh yes I am talking about my mum. I did have another paragraph explaining the rituals with what she does to calm me down but I removed it to condense my post but forgot that now the word “she” could be anyone. I’ll go and edit that if possible. 

    I never thought about writing all my thoughts and stuff down before bed, I might give that a try tonight. Come to think I may have done that in the past but I can’t remember that well so I will give it a go later on. 

    Ah I haven’t tried the empty chair exercise yet but I think you have mentioned this in the past. I can have a go at that as well, though I can imagine that to be harder for me. But I have to go through pain to get better I suppose. Would this work alone or would I need someone else to help me with this? Sorry if that’s a stupid question. 

  • in reply to Elfilis

    Edited my post Grin but I guess I am the only one she talks to about this crush of hers. I mean she has her sister but she is normally very busy. But if I say I don’t like this bloke my mum gets very upset or even defensive. Either that or she doesn’t take me seriously. I’m either gonna have to struggle in silence or I express my feelings and see this bloke. Last few weeks have been better because she’s not mentioned him for ages ugh! 

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  • in reply to Elfilis

    Edited my post Grin but I guess I am the only one she talks to about this crush of hers. I mean she has her sister but she is normally very busy. But if I say I don’t like this bloke my mum gets very upset or even defensive. Either that or she doesn’t take me seriously. I’m either gonna have to struggle in silence or I express my feelings and see this bloke. Last few weeks have been better because she’s not mentioned him for ages ugh! 

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