My predicament

I take it you're talking about your Mum? Maybe you're the only person she feels she can talk about this crush too? Although it's not right that she insists you have to like him too.

What about writing all your thoughts down, all yoour hopes and fears etc before bed? Maybe if you get them out they won't plague you in your sleep?

Could you do a form of empty chair exercise, where you put either a photograph and an object that reminds you of that person and tell them to leave you alone, that what they did to a young and vulnerable person was wicked and that they're the bad ones not you? I feel as though you need to take back your power from all the past abusers, if they are in the past then thats where they need to stay and they only have as much power over you as you allow them to have by giving them the energy of your thougts, fears and worries. 

Ahh yes I am talking about my mum. I did have another paragraph explaining the rituals with what she does to calm me down but I removed it to condense my post but forgot that now the word “she” could be anyone. I’ll go and edit that if possible. 

I never thought about writing all my thoughts and stuff down before bed, I might give that a try tonight. Come to think I may have done that in the past but I can’t remember that well so I will give it a go later on. 

Ah I haven’t tried the empty chair exercise yet but I think you have mentioned this in the past. I can have a go at that as well, though I can imagine that to be harder for me. But I have to go through pain to get better I suppose. Would this work alone or would I need someone else to help me with this? Sorry if that’s a stupid question. 

Ahh yes I am talking about my mum. I did have another paragraph explaining the rituals with what she does to calm me down but I removed it to condense my post but forgot that now the word “she” could be anyone. I’ll go and edit that if possible. 

I never thought about writing all my thoughts and stuff down before bed, I might give that a try tonight. Come to think I may have done that in the past but I can’t remember that well so I will give it a go later on. 

Ah I haven’t tried the empty chair exercise yet but I think you have mentioned this in the past. I can have a go at that as well, though I can imagine that to be harder for me. But I have to go through pain to get better I suppose. Would this work alone or would I need someone else to help me with this? Sorry if that’s a stupid question. 

Ahh ok, I am seeing my psychologist next week so I will mention this empty chair method to her. I think we are going to work on processing the trauma in the new year as these next few sessions are getting to know my history and background at the moment. 

As for my mum, I honestly don’t know why she can’t seem to take my views seriously. I mean she accepts that I don’t fancy other crushes she’s had so I can’t see why she won’t accept I don’t like this bloke. I will defo have to sort some boundaries out, I mean especially in my flat lol! But yeah I just don’t know if she will take them seriously. 

So when I’m upset she will mention what I normally like, which includes characters I like. But she has associated these characters with her crush. So in the hope she won’t mention him, I put these characters etc away and say I only want to talk about something else. She thinks I put them away due to past trauma and bullying related to the characters but she won’t accept the real reason. After time she will mention the characters and if she only mentions them (and their related stuff) then that’s fine but sooner or later she will mention her crush and then the whole cycle begins again. I just don’t know how to get through saying I don’t like her crush. I mean I feel bad as well because she takes her time talking about what I like as well but as far as I’m concerned she likes talking about that stuff too. So yeah my predicament. 

Of course its not a stupid question, it would be better to do empty chair exercises with a therapist, but maybe once you've thought about what you want to say these bullies from your past, write them a letter with all your feelings and write it from an adult perspective, not that of a child and then burn them. I think it's important for you to write as your adult self on behalf of the child you were, it's part of taking the power away from the bullies.

Why do you feel your mum dosen't take your feelings about this bloke seriously?

Maybe you could tell her you will listen to her talk about him for a certain length of time, 20 mins or whatever then she has to shut up and you'll talk about something else. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with her and she needs to accept your boundaries.

Edited my post  but I guess I am the only one she talks to about this crush of hers. I mean she has her sister but she is normally very busy. But if I say I don’t like this bloke my mum gets very upset or even defensive. Either that or she doesn’t take me seriously. I’m either gonna have to struggle in silence or I express my feelings and see this bloke. Last few weeks have been better because she’s not mentioned him for ages ugh!