Comments from co-workers

kiwipip said:

I think if I made comments like that to any of my colleagues I would possibly be reported for bullying and marginalising behaviour, however it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. 

If you think this is how the rules work then report them. The rules work for all - just make sure you either have a recording or witness.

kiwipip said:

I don’t want to disclose to my co-workers that I have autism

If you don't disclose then you have little chance of making a complaint later about them discriminating on you because of your autistic traits. It is a double edged sword as you point out.

By internalising it you are making it more damaging I think - my approach would be to get an assertiveness training course and start standing up for yourself - it will be a shock for your colleagues but so long as you are in the right (as far as the rules go) then they can just suck it up.

If your manager is not aware of the autism then they cannot help. You can ask for discretion when you submit the notification to HR and your manager and make sure you detail what the "reasonable adjustments" are that you need.

I would note that asking the whole team to be clear in their interactions will not work as they are going to be too entrenched in their ways to be willing to change. At best you can ask for things like headphones, better lighting, maybe a better chair and a set routine.

The team issues require a smart and compassionate manager to change the culture slowly. I don't know if your manager is this sort of person.

Unfortunately the work environment in this era is one not well suited to us when in teams but learning to advocate for yourself in a great tool to have available.

Thanks for the advice that’s really helpful. I think I have good senior management who help navigate a better culture but I think im probably more wary and wonder how best to approach this because of how I was treated in the past and when I tried to get support was confronted with a group effort to terminate me instead. I’m quite a calm and supportive person and am good at managing stress (well visibly) I think that sort of training course is a great suggestion. Do you know where I could find something like that? 

kiwipip said:

I think im probably more wary and wonder how best to approach this because of how I was treated in the past and when I tried to get support was confronted with a group effort to terminate me instead.

This is a very common experience for autists I'm afraid - I've been at the receiving end of it too.

Once I realised it was happening I built a portfolio of proof so that when it came the the manager trying to raise a disciplinary process against me for not being a "team player" then I brought my witness, laid out some of the proof and told them I intend to sue the company for harrassment.

2 days later I was offered a very large redundancy payment with 3 months paid leave. By that time I already had another job lined up which made it all the sweeter.

Once it starts getting to the point you are at now then I think it best to plan to change jobs, build proof to make a case against them and start job hunting. It rarely improves from this point from what I and many others on here have experienced.

Use your spare time to learn better coping skills (ie get a therapist) and work on updating your qualifications so you can get a better job.

That’s great how you describe it actually - I think workplace coaching would be a good idea - I’m going to look into that 

kiwipip said:

I don’t actually over think

If you look at it from their perspective:

1 - you don't just "get it" - you have to put thought into it and try to work it out, sometimes getting it wrong. An NT doesn't need to think like this.

2 - if you are asking then you probably did a lot of processing and have a number of things you think it is and if this comes up in the explanation they will think "wow, you put way too much thought into this".

This is why they came to the conclusion which is quite valid - from their perspective.

They obviously don't understand autism and how we process unknowns.

kiwipip said:

I don’t actually over think

If you look at it from their perspective:

1 - you don't just "get it" - you have to put thought into it and try to work it out, sometimes getting it wrong. An NT doesn't need to think like this.

2 - if you are asking then you probably did a lot of processing and have a number of things you think it is and if this comes up in the explanation they will think "wow, you put way too much thought into this".

This is why they came to the conclusion which is quite valid - from their perspective.

They obviously don't understand autism and how we process unknowns.

That’s great how you describe it actually - I think workplace coaching would be a good idea - I’m going to look into that