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Comments from co-workers

kiwipip

Hi everybody,

I was wondering how people cope with co-workers making comments towards you such as telling me I’m over thinking if I’m struggling to understand what somebody is inferring or how to interpret a situation. I think if I made comments like that to any of my colleagues I would possibly be reported for bullying and marginalising behaviour, however it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. 

I don’t want to disclose to my co-workers that I have autism as In the past I have found this actually increases bullying and harassment and obsessive behaviour towards myself but I also don’t want to be discriminated against with off hand comments so I now generally keep quiet and internalise things I may normally query. Will this likely to be resolved in a cliquey culture and is it something worth bringing up with my manager if I don’t know them that well. Should I talk to somebody outside of my team first? 

any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated 

Parents
  • kiwipip said:
    I think if I made comments like that to any of my colleagues I would possibly be reported for bullying and marginalising behaviour, however it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. 

    If you think this is how the rules work then report them. The rules work for all - just make sure you either have a recording or witness.

    kiwipip said:
    I don’t want to disclose to my co-workers that I have autism

    If you don't disclose then you have little chance of making a complaint later about them discriminating on you because of your autistic traits. It is a double edged sword as you point out.

    By internalising it you are making it more damaging I think - my approach would be to get an assertiveness training course and start standing up for yourself - it will be a shock for your colleagues but so long as you are in the right (as far as the rules go) then they can just suck it up.

    If your manager is not aware of the autism then they cannot help. You can ask for discretion when you submit the notification to HR and your manager and make sure you detail what the "reasonable adjustments" are that you need.

    I would note that asking the whole team to be clear in their interactions will not work as they are going to be too entrenched in their ways to be willing to change. At best you can ask for things like headphones, better lighting, maybe a better chair and a set routine.

    The team issues require a smart and compassionate manager to change the culture slowly. I don't know if your manager is this sort of person.

    Unfortunately the work environment in this era is one not well suited to us when in teams but learning to advocate for yourself in a great tool to have available.

Reply
  • kiwipip said:
    I think if I made comments like that to any of my colleagues I would possibly be reported for bullying and marginalising behaviour, however it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. 

    If you think this is how the rules work then report them. The rules work for all - just make sure you either have a recording or witness.

    kiwipip said:
    I don’t want to disclose to my co-workers that I have autism

    If you don't disclose then you have little chance of making a complaint later about them discriminating on you because of your autistic traits. It is a double edged sword as you point out.

    By internalising it you are making it more damaging I think - my approach would be to get an assertiveness training course and start standing up for yourself - it will be a shock for your colleagues but so long as you are in the right (as far as the rules go) then they can just suck it up.

    If your manager is not aware of the autism then they cannot help. You can ask for discretion when you submit the notification to HR and your manager and make sure you detail what the "reasonable adjustments" are that you need.

    I would note that asking the whole team to be clear in their interactions will not work as they are going to be too entrenched in their ways to be willing to change. At best you can ask for things like headphones, better lighting, maybe a better chair and a set routine.

    The team issues require a smart and compassionate manager to change the culture slowly. I don't know if your manager is this sort of person.

    Unfortunately the work environment in this era is one not well suited to us when in teams but learning to advocate for yourself in a great tool to have available.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    Thanks for the advice that’s really helpful. I think I have good senior management who help navigate a better culture but I think im probably more wary and wonder how best to approach this because of how I was treated in the past and when I tried to get support was confronted with a group effort to terminate me instead. I’m quite a calm and supportive person and am good at managing stress (well visibly) I think that sort of training course is a great suggestion. Do you know where I could find something like that?