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Has your autisticness changed over the years?

Stuart333

Not sure autisticness is a real word, but you get the idea.

If I think back to how I was In my 20s, then 30s, then 50s, and now post diagnosis, plus how I am in and out of burnout, I can see some changes.

In my 20s I was far more set on what food I would eat, I had stricter routines, changes made me uncomfortable, I couldn't approach strangers at all, I was quite timid, I couldn't really do social events, if I had to they were a lot more stressful than enjoyable, something to be endured.

As long as not burnt out, I became less timid, more outwardly assured, albeit at the expense of chronic stress, and did more. I stopped most scripting and rarely replay conversations now. I became much better at using forums, and even calling people on the phone (I couldn't use it as a teenager). Social events are hard but not as bad, I still feel awkward, I think that will never go.

I think as you get older there is less new stuff so your sphere widens.

Is this other people's experience?

  • I don't know if it's just because I'm older or if it's because I'm used to being autistic, but generally I'm much calmer, I think a lot of this is because I've made choices about how as well as where I live, cutting out stressors as much as I can. I still find other people stressful and I still replay conversations, I often feel that others have got in my head a bit and I have to mentally evict them, it dosen't matter whether they're people I like or not.

    I rarely socialise or see others now, when I do I find I become tired very quickly. I find animals much better company than humans, luckily animals seem to like me too. I find being here helps as I can have human contact without the aggravation that so often goes along with it. I'm so glad I don't have to be out in the world with a wardrobe full of masks for every occaision and the characters that go with them. I'm also so glad not to have to mess about with dating and the whole sex thing, I'm just glad I'm older and don't have the pressures that come with being younger anymore. 

  • I think that throughout my teenage years and twenties, I was so attached to my masking that I wouldn't allow myself the things I needed to feel better, like routine, order, quiet etc. Either that or I just didn't know I needed them. I looked at what everyone else did and assumed that would work for me. The fact that I think I am AuDHD, and my overuse of alcohol as a coping strategy meant that I was a bit of a mess who had zero understanding of himself. I got burnt out from all that and have been able to accept and understand better what I need so I find myself looking more for routine, order, quiet than I did. With that though, is an ability to sometimes understand that while a particular situation is not ideal, it is temporary and I can return to my safely ordered world in a short while.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Yeah maybe, new situations are still really difficult though.

    Good for you on the relaxing front!!

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Perhaps this is why people thought you grew out of it.

    You learn to cope or arrange your life around it.

    I've finally learned this year to relax and take things less seriously.

  • I watch old tv shows from the 60s, 70s & 80s.  And I can now see and understand many of the double meanings and subtle humour that I couldn't before.

  • I can really relate to what you’ve said.

    I was very timid when I was younger and had awful social anxiety  even simple things like talking to people or going to events felt impossible.

    As I’ve got older, it’s helped that there are fewer completely new situations to face.

    Things feel a bit more familiar and predictable now, so they’re not quite as overwhelming, even though that awkward feeling never really goes away.

  • Stuart333 said:
    I think as you get older there is less new stuff so your sphere widens

    I found as I got older I had more chance to learn the info to fill in my understanding deficits (relationships, socialising, expected behaviours etc) and to learn coping skills to better cope with tanxiety (mindfulness and meditation).

    All this was pre-diagnosis though so it was me engaging in some "continuous improvement" techniques that are very much the way in my line of work.

    I've certainly been able to take on way more things than when I was younger and manage situations that would have had me quaking in my boots in my 20s. 

    Learning that there is nothing to fear but fear itself in most situations may have been the biggest single breakthrough and enabled me to take on challenges I never thought I could handle.

    Now I'm approaching 60 I'm being much more gentle with myself - no need to constantly prove I'm stronger than my challenges and I can enjoy a lot more me time to do the things I've dreamed of doing my whole working life.