Has your autisticness changed over the years?

Not sure autisticness is a real word, but you get the idea.

If I think back to how I was In my 20s, then 30s, then 50s, and now post diagnosis, plus how I am in and out of burnout, I can see some changes.

In my 20s I was far more set on what food I would eat, I had stricter routines, changes made me uncomfortable, I couldn't approach strangers at all, I was quite timid, I couldn't really do social events, if I had to they were a lot more stressful than enjoyable, something to be endured.

As long as not burnt out, I became less timid, more outwardly assured, albeit at the expense of chronic stress, and did more. I stopped most scripting and rarely replay conversations now. I became much better at using forums, and even calling people on the phone (I couldn't use it as a teenager). Social events are hard but not as bad, I still feel awkward, I think that will never go.

I think as you get older there is less new stuff so your sphere widens.

Is this other people's experience?

Parents
  • I think that throughout my teenage years and twenties, I was so attached to my masking that I wouldn't allow myself the things I needed to feel better, like routine, order, quiet etc. Either that or I just didn't know I needed them. I looked at what everyone else did and assumed that would work for me. The fact that I think I am AuDHD, and my overuse of alcohol as a coping strategy meant that I was a bit of a mess who had zero understanding of himself. I got burnt out from all that and have been able to accept and understand better what I need so I find myself looking more for routine, order, quiet than I did. With that though, is an ability to sometimes understand that while a particular situation is not ideal, it is temporary and I can return to my safely ordered world in a short while.

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  • I think that throughout my teenage years and twenties, I was so attached to my masking that I wouldn't allow myself the things I needed to feel better, like routine, order, quiet etc. Either that or I just didn't know I needed them. I looked at what everyone else did and assumed that would work for me. The fact that I think I am AuDHD, and my overuse of alcohol as a coping strategy meant that I was a bit of a mess who had zero understanding of himself. I got burnt out from all that and have been able to accept and understand better what I need so I find myself looking more for routine, order, quiet than I did. With that though, is an ability to sometimes understand that while a particular situation is not ideal, it is temporary and I can return to my safely ordered world in a short while.

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