I've had 2 people recently reply to hearing of my diagnosis 'Isn't everyone on the spectrum?'. I've found that quite insulting. No, autistic people will be on a spectrum of traits. Neurotypicals are NOT on the spectrum as far as I am concerened and have no idea of what we deal with.
What do others think? How do you reply to this cliche?
Thank you for the last bit there, means a lot. I do try remind myself it would be difficult to convince professionals that I am autistic if I wasn’t but yes the late diagnosis part of it adds perhaps more uncertainty than those who have lived a life with the diagnosis.
I think that is a common way to feel for many people late diagnosed. I don't think any of us can 100% prove we're autistic. But for those of us with lower support needs - we have been shown this concept of autism for years that doesn't fit us. But for you to have got as far as seeking a diagnosis and also be given the diagnosis, I highly doubt you're a "fraud".
I still have doubts over my diagnosis, there are times when I see the signs clearly but that’s not often enough to provide clarity. Of course it’s a spectrum and I don’t wish for any further difficulties but it’s very difficult for me to say out-loud that I am autistic without feeling like a fraud. I sort of feel like I should expect some confident acknowledgment of the diagnosis within my belief system but it never comes, I am not confident on a lot of things though.
Oh I wish I was this brave!
I think many people are probably guilty of having said it pre diagnosis. I think that some people use it as a way of reassuring themselves of their own difficulties when they don't have a diagnosis to make sense of them. Once diagnosed people don't need to relate to that statement anymore and realise that it's not actually a useful or true statement.
'Isn't everyone on the spectrum?'
I used to say similar before my diagnosis so I am guilty of this phrase also. It’s something I’d heard many say before and figured or assumed there must be some truth in it however it does very little to validate the autistic persons personal experience which isn’t helpful as I am sure many of us wish more than anything for a little more understanding.
Do you mid if I steal that one?
Just reply with “so you’re autistic too then?” This will no doubt be met with a “no” to which you can reply with “so not everybody is on the spectrum”
There is thing such as BAP (broader autistic phenotype) so someone there would think, that everyone is on the spectrum. I would maybe try to Explain to them the difference of just having autistic traits versus struggling in everyday life because of being an outcast. But it may go wrong. I often get misunderstood so I guess it's tricky. Today the word spectrum is very popular. I heard of tge spectrum of LGBT, which I agree it is a spectrum. And I would say there is also a spectrum of "normal" - NTs differ a lot from one another but they share similar communication styles which allows them to intuitively find one another who fit together and understand the social norms.
So maybe if someone says "we all are on tge spectrum" I would agree and then ask them to explain, what spectrum they actually mean. Maybe a good starter for some discussion but its not always possible.
I am pleased that me "peeping up" here, was meaningful and supportive to you at this time = that was my sole intent.
There can be no doubt (in my opinion) that you invest time and effort to enhance and maintain this COMMUNITY - not just with the "standardised advice" (that you and others provide so readily, that I [personally] dislike so much), but also with some carefully framed / worded "interesting" OP's / threads.
I applaud you for your efforts - especially because your detractors never seem to have the "bottle" to even try!
Aren't we all Autists here? Tolerant? Appreciative of 'difference'? Can readily extend 'Reasonable allowances'? Will identify, respect and acknowledge effort? Let "things" go? Wish to discuss interesting things?
I've seen you "shot down" too many times. It has always been "unfair" in my opinion, and sometimes libellous, in my opinion. I'm certainly not your greatest advocate, but your repeated mistreatment / attacks without 3rd-party parries, prompts me to action here and now. Please consider this post, a parry, in your defence.
Warm regards to you
Number.
T'is all good brother.
This meant more to me than you can imagine. I deeply appreciate the sentiment.
I get what you say about the PMs and privacy. Where humans are involved then human failing are also present and I fear this is the case here.
I'm also doing a bit of a research piece on the dark web at the moment as a lot of stuff we think is secure is actually visible there - no paid for hacking stuff but visible due to weaknesses in the forum software.
Once I have gathered the evidence I'll probably present it to the NAS management first to let them have a go at fixing the issue and I don't think it would be ethical to post anything publically.
In short, never commit anything to the internet in any way that you may regret later - it is inherently unsafe.
Thanks again Number.
I have to say that answering the same questions from newbies again and again does wear a bit thin but it was finding this site and being welcomed in when I needed some support that made a lot of difference to me.
Good on you mate! - I think your approach is selfless and wholesome. I note that you ALWAYS go out of your way to moderate/mitigate your comments and advice. That is admirable. The fact that you are also willing to inject some "edge" to this place (in different threads), is DECIDEDLY admirable - if people don't ACTIVELY contribute, then this place is doomed to failure!
I thank you, on behalf of others - and myself - for subjecting yourself to "scrutiny/roasting" by others here, who don't seem capable of understanding what you are doing!! The "old guard" that also did that have been scared away/drifted away from this place. Thank you, sir, for remaining, and injecting some sort of "edge." Even if others don't notice what you are doing, rest assured, I do. I notice others that try too.
Trust me Iain - like you, I stayed "active" in this place, for the same reason you propound in your quote that I extracted above for this post. I feel EXACTLY the same and it is one of the reasons that I still silently(ish) still float in this place!
Prior to my "breaking point"=when I felt compelled to delete my 'original account' here*.....I was predominantly motivated by a wish to help my fellow autists (who are like I am) to feel less alone and feel welcomed and supported in this place. Like you, I felt it often "wore thin" to answer/contribute to the exact same 'queries' repeatedly. I got to the point where circa 1in20 stayed for 6 months or so. But equally, by that point, I had also made some REAL chums, that I can still count as such at this moment. I had stayed "to serve" not to "seek" at that point.
Autists, generally, always need MORE friends & community connection!?! I know I did!!!!
As you know, I don't "do" links, and research, and "published advice" in the traditional sense......because when I was "in need".....I had ZERO shortage of those type of things from fooooking EVERYWHERE! My dream was to find a diverse, self-maintaining and supportive COMMUNITY.....with a few folks who REALLY GOT ME!!. I found that here, back then. I am FOREVER grateful for that. VIVA Autists, who are just allowed to "be", without fear, favour, politicised moderation, prying eyes or personalised attacks! [Naturally Iain, you have no idea what I am talking about!!]
All it will take is someone I've upset to be made a moderator and suddenly I'll be unable to post anymore. Until then I'll try to educate, enrich and entertain where I can find the time.
Imagine your scenario (that I have quoted above,) but in reverse!! Imagine if you had spent most of your time here "in this place" communicating via PM's (because you had been ASSURED [in writing, unequivocal language] that neither moderators/public could ever see one's PMs)....but then you became aware that a "new" member on the public pages had obviously reviewed MANY of your private PM's. Can you imagine!?!
Does my "past performance" in this place (in the latter days of my original account) make more sense to you now......ie from me perhaps being viewed as a respected / longterm / helpful /kind / moderating /gentle entity......to a hellraising / badboy / oddball / freakoid"?!
Interestingly, at that time of my "freakoid".....you were VERY helpful and moderating to me and my mood. You explained "reality", without fear or favour. I appreciated that. I now can also appreciate that I was DEEPLY naïve to believe that the MODS here didn't have access to (and some of them didn't choose to), peruse through my PM's with others during those times.
Iain - at this point, with the benefit of reflection, and with my subsequent "oversight" of [content removed by moderator] Numbers will always exist!
However, in the meanwhile, I do SINCERELY worry for new, scared, lonely folks (like I was) who come here for the first time........who just receive AI-like "advice-centre" responses these days? I would have literally run for the hills if the warehouse worker, posh executive, genius loner, agricultural genius, depressive, undefined 'a', scientist, car mechanic, undefined 'b', intellectual, mum-of-1, massively talented artist, father-of-3, young person, cat lover, coffee guy, soaring bird, and some other "sundry folk" hadn't bothered to say "HI" to me, all in their own sweet way....when I arrived here. I couldn't believe the sense of "connection" I felt with all of these folk, DESPITE profoundly disagreeing with MUCH of their world views.
"Community" - or to be more precise "safe, stable and self-perpetuating community" is REALLY had to establish, but VERY easy to destroy?! I hope NAS hear!?
Iain, please stay here for as long as you can (like I did).......safe in the knowledge that I don't particularly align to most of your perspectives and approaches to life - except our shared values of openness, diversity, tolerance and "effort to invigorate."
T'is all good brother.
Stay well,
Number.
[Comment edited by Moderator due to Online Community Rule 7: https://community.autism.org.uk/p/rules]
Pleased to see you here - still.
I have to say that answering the same questions from newbies again and again does wear a bit thin but it was finding this site and being welcomed in when I needed some support that made a lot of difference to me.
I try to contribute where I can and add a bit of spice to the place as reasonably as I can, preferrably without upsetting too many people.
All it will take is someone I've upset to be made a moderator and suddenly I'll be unable to post anymore. Until then I'll try to educate, enrich and entertain where I can find the time.
You could say to them that neurotypicality is a much narrower spectrum, with far fewer labels.
Some are here for a good time, not a long time. But it’s always disappointing to learn you have wasted time with someone you believed to be open minded.
I’m a fan of Rebecca Burgess’ work. Her illustrations say more than words.
Pleased to see you here - still. [Thumbs up emoji] I still don't agree with much of your style & content.....but I know that you are measured, sound, honest, clear and straightforward = my type of people.....fwiw.
Kind regards,
Me.
It is lovely, and sustaining to me, to see you still here Almond. Thank you.
