I've had 2 people recently reply to hearing of my diagnosis 'Isn't everyone on the spectrum?'. I've found that quite insulting. No, autistic people will be on a spectrum of traits. Neurotypicals are NOT on the spectrum as far as I am concerened and have no idea of what we deal with.
What do others think? How do you reply to this cliche?
I love this!
I get quite a painful reaction at that question, that makes it hard to reply at all. But I agree with most comments.
Maybe I would add that to the answer. That for an autistic person it feels painful, because it is wrong.
That is interesting because I had that comment from someone I suspect is autistic. In cases like that I guess they are thinking ' that is like me'. I didn't like to say though.
An illustration of the Spectrum
https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/
I hate that. I think a lot of the time it is well intended but I can't deal with the factually incorrectness. I have the answer in my head I'd like to give but I am not very good at actually using it. I usually don't really respond at all because I don't want an awkward moment but then I get frustrated because I feel like educating them would be better.
‘No they’re not’ - that’s how I’d respond.
The problem Is the word spectrum. It is not a sliding scale with people being more or less autistic.
It is a set of discrete traits and experiences that vary widely from person to person.
Each individual trait can be at different levels, so each person has a different mix, giving a spectrum of externally observable conditions. It is a spectrum of medical conditions grouped together in one bucket, not a spectrum of severity.
The individual traits taken together have to get over a certain threshold, they have to be disabling, i.e. have significant impact on your life and badly compromise or prevent you from doing things.
It is not that you don't like things, it's that they take a physical toll on you.
While you can push through sometimes, it disregulates your nervous system and the stress harms you. If done too much it leads to shutdowns, meltdowns and burn out, which requires isolation and rest for months to recover from.
Are the individual traits limited to autistic people, no. Everyone has senses and feelings, it is about degree and the effect it has on you and how it is processed.
I remember telling a cousin that I strongly suspected she was on the spectrum, along with various other members of the family on my mother's side. Her response was that everyone can be a bit autistic. I calmly explained that this was a myth. I mean, yes neurotypicals can sometimes exhibit autistic-like traits, but not enough for them to ever be considered autistic from a medical point of view.
To say that everyone is on the spectrum is much like saying anyone who enjoys housework has OCD.
Start by saying that yes it is a spectrum and that they might be at one end of it but you are somewhere towards the middle. Then take it from there, I get annoiyed with it, it's like when people say they're dyslexic too as they have problems spelling and I'm like WTF!
Neurotypicals are NOT on the spectrum as far as I am concerened
It is important to realise that Neurotypical is currently not a formal medical category. It is a word made up by us to identify someone who is not neurodiverse.
This, however, does not mean they cannot have neurodiverse traits. They can have many of our traits in various mixes and indeed experience some of our struggles with them, but it does not stem from the same source (ie the brain development).
This is probaly why it is a fairly common expression amongst the non neurodiverse community. They can identify behaviours like ours so think they are the same even when they are not.
How do you reply to this cliche?
It depends on what sort of impression you are trying to get across to them.
You can explain the traits you have and how they affect you and ask if they have the same.
You can talk about meltdowns and ask how often they have the complete loss of concious control over their bodies when the stress gets too much.
You can ask how often they get excluded from social situations because your brain cannot keep up with the interactions, how you get marginalised and bullied for being different and how these situations can leave you unable to function for long periods of time.
In the end it is their lack of understanding that is behind this and it may stem from lack of real interest (ie ignorance) or bias (ie prejudice) or whether they really don't understand it but are interested (ie the rare few good ones) - each has its approach.
However I find that afte doing this sort of thing 20+ times that I get rather bored of it and just say "yeah, whatever" and move on. Life is too short to waste time on these people that are 90% unlikely to be interested in actually understanding - all in my own experience / opinion of course.
