delayed emotional processing

I've realised I say what I think, rather than what I feel. AI picked that up. I think it is part of looking for patterns and a general preference for explaining why I think something. It might also be due to intellectualising things, which is a defensive response.

As a silly example, rather than say "I feel sad (or depressed) because I've lost my job", I'd say "I've lost my job and it is a causing me some issues". The second one feels cold (apparently) and requires further questions to understand.

This approach means that I am isolated from the feelings while talking, giving flat affect and hence limited facial expressions. I may then feel it later in private when I think about how I feel.

I think I may feel something at the time inside, like a knot in the chest, but not always. However since that used to always be there is just learnt to ignore it, which leads to overload and burnout eventually. I now am trying to pay attention to the physiological signs as they mean something.

As an example, I realised I was getting anticipatory anxiety about an eye jab, and noticed my shoulders had raised. I lowered them and it helped immediately.

So maybe I could/should have started by acknowledging "I am happy that you replied" Stuart333   :-)

Indeed, a more NT response that puts the emotions first and makes it easier for them to relate to you and respond 

You might to also want to look at cognitive and affective empathy.

Ask chatGPT about them and how ASD affects them.

Understood

That's a good summation and I'm giving the "this makes me feel" then respond thing a go conversationally - hehe cue weirdness for a while until that gets grooved into the mask.

If masking is energy expensive one might at least try to make the investment to return as efficient as possible!

I'll use that list - thanks 

These are things that one may acknowledge and do for oneself.

 :-)

There still remains the "environmental and situational" conditions where one is/has been unable to extricate oneself.

Sometimes despite every effort the situation calls upon oneself to use the fight or flight energy where it is not possible to convert this into enthusiasm and one finds oneself frustrated.  This can turn to mania.

From which one has to be careful of accumulating emotional damage that will only be mentally acknowledged later...

Blimey gone all Shakespearean maybe:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them ..."

So I've asked AI about that...

"No, Hamlet likely would not have achieved a "better" outcome even if he understood his emotions, as his tragic flaw of indecisiveness, coupled with the pervasive conspiracy against him, made his demise almost inevitable. His emotional instability was a driving force behind his actions, and if he'd understood and controlled it, he might have acted more decisively, but the play's tragic structure and the political machinations still would have led to his death and the deaths of many others"

Ooops, that took a dark turn sorry!

Best Wishes and thanks again Stuart333 

Answer to practical methods ,question,  might be useful:

That’s a really valuable skill to build, and it can make a huge difference in preventing overload or burnout if you’re autistic.

Let’s go through how to recognize early sympathetic activation (when your body’s going into fight-or-flight) — even if you don’t feel emotions clearly or notice body signals easily.

 1. Understand What You’re Looking For

The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is all about mobilization — getting your body ready for action.
When it starts activating, your body gives small, subtle cues before full stress or shutdown hits.

Early cues are usually physical or behavioral, not emotional — so noticing them gives you a head start.

 2. Physical Signs to Watch For

You can train yourself to spot patterns that mean your SNS is ramping up. Try checking in 2–3 times a day and ask:
“Is my body feeling more ready to fight, flee, or freeze than it needs to?”

Subtle Physical Sign: Why It Happens

• Tight jaw, clenched teeth, shoulders up: Muscles tensing for action
• Faster or shallow breathing: Preparing for oxygen use
• Racing or heavy heartbeat:  Blood flow increasing
• Sweaty palms / feeling hot: Adrenaline response
• Fidgeting or restlessness, Motor activation
• Nausea, tight stomach, loss of appetite: Digestion paused
• Tingling or buzzing feeling : Circulatory changes
• Headaches or dizziness:  Blood vessel tension or shallow breathing

You don’t need to feel all of them — even one or two recurring signs can be your early signal.

 3. Behavioral & Cognitive Clues

If interoception is tricky, look at how your thinking and behavior shift — these can reveal SNS activation too.

Early Clue:  Meaning

• Sudden irritability or impatience: Stress hormones rising
• Reduced tolerance for noise or touch: Sensory threshold lowering
• Tunnel vision / hyperfocus:  Brain entering survival mode
• Forgetting basic needs (food, rest): SNS suppresses slower processes: 
• Mask slipping / loss of words: Cognitive overload approaching
• Desire to withdraw or shut down Body seeking to reduce input

These patterns often show up before you consciously feel anxious or overwhelmed.

️ 4. Tracking to Build Awareness

Try one of these low-effort methods to spot patterns:

• Body checklist cards: a small visual with common signs; glance at it a few times a day.
• “Rate my battery” scale (1–10): Instead of asking “how do I feel,” ask “how charged or drained am I?”
• Smartwatch / app feedback: heart-rate or breathing data can show rising arousal before you notice it.
• Trusted observer: someone close can point out early changes (“Your shoulders are tight — time for a break?”).

Over time, you’ll learn your personal early warnings.

️ 5. Once You Notice It: Gentle Down-Regulation

When you catch early SNS activation, act before overload:

• Pause input: step into a quieter space, dim light, remove headphones.
• Breathing resets: slow exhale > inhale (4-6-second out-breath helps trigger the parasympathetic system).
• Deep pressure or weight: weighted blanket, firm hug (if pleasant), leaning against a wall.
• Predictable movement: rocking, pacing, rhythmic motion helps discharge adrenaline safely.
• Temperature cue: cool water on hands or face can reset the vagus nerve.

These don’t have to be long — even 1–2 minutes can stop the stress spiral.

 6. Key Principle

> Don’t wait until you feel bad to intervene —
act when you notice the first physical shift.

For autistic people, this often means learning to trust body cues more than emotional ones, because the body signals come first.

Answer to practical methods ,question,  might be useful:

That’s a really valuable skill to build, and it can make a huge difference in preventing overload or burnout if you’re autistic.

Let’s go through how to recognize early sympathetic activation (when your body’s going into fight-or-flight) — even if you don’t feel emotions clearly or notice body signals easily.

 1. Understand What You’re Looking For

The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is all about mobilization — getting your body ready for action.
When it starts activating, your body gives small, subtle cues before full stress or shutdown hits.

Early cues are usually physical or behavioral, not emotional — so noticing them gives you a head start.

 2. Physical Signs to Watch For

You can train yourself to spot patterns that mean your SNS is ramping up. Try checking in 2–3 times a day and ask:
“Is my body feeling more ready to fight, flee, or freeze than it needs to?”

Subtle Physical Sign: Why It Happens

• Tight jaw, clenched teeth, shoulders up: Muscles tensing for action
• Faster or shallow breathing: Preparing for oxygen use
• Racing or heavy heartbeat:  Blood flow increasing
• Sweaty palms / feeling hot: Adrenaline response
• Fidgeting or restlessness, Motor activation
• Nausea, tight stomach, loss of appetite: Digestion paused
• Tingling or buzzing feeling : Circulatory changes
• Headaches or dizziness:  Blood vessel tension or shallow breathing

You don’t need to feel all of them — even one or two recurring signs can be your early signal.

 3. Behavioral & Cognitive Clues

If interoception is tricky, look at how your thinking and behavior shift — these can reveal SNS activation too.

Early Clue:  Meaning

• Sudden irritability or impatience: Stress hormones rising
• Reduced tolerance for noise or touch: Sensory threshold lowering
• Tunnel vision / hyperfocus:  Brain entering survival mode
• Forgetting basic needs (food, rest): SNS suppresses slower processes: 
• Mask slipping / loss of words: Cognitive overload approaching
• Desire to withdraw or shut down Body seeking to reduce input

These patterns often show up before you consciously feel anxious or overwhelmed.

️ 4. Tracking to Build Awareness

Try one of these low-effort methods to spot patterns:

• Body checklist cards: a small visual with common signs; glance at it a few times a day.
• “Rate my battery” scale (1–10): Instead of asking “how do I feel,” ask “how charged or drained am I?”
• Smartwatch / app feedback: heart-rate or breathing data can show rising arousal before you notice it.
• Trusted observer: someone close can point out early changes (“Your shoulders are tight — time for a break?”).

Over time, you’ll learn your personal early warnings.

️ 5. Once You Notice It: Gentle Down-Regulation

When you catch early SNS activation, act before overload:

• Pause input: step into a quieter space, dim light, remove headphones.
• Breathing resets: slow exhale > inhale (4-6-second out-breath helps trigger the parasympathetic system).
• Deep pressure or weight: weighted blanket, firm hug (if pleasant), leaning against a wall.
• Predictable movement: rocking, pacing, rhythmic motion helps discharge adrenaline safely.
• Temperature cue: cool water on hands or face can reset the vagus nerve.

These don’t have to be long — even 1–2 minutes can stop the stress spiral.

 6. Key Principle

> Don’t wait until you feel bad to intervene —
act when you notice the first physical shift.

For autistic people, this often means learning to trust body cues more than emotional ones, because the body signals come first.

Understood

That's a good summation and I'm giving the "this makes me feel" then respond thing a go conversationally - hehe cue weirdness for a while until that gets grooved into the mask.

If masking is energy expensive one might at least try to make the investment to return as efficient as possible!

I'll use that list - thanks 

These are things that one may acknowledge and do for oneself.

 :-)

There still remains the "environmental and situational" conditions where one is/has been unable to extricate oneself.

Sometimes despite every effort the situation calls upon oneself to use the fight or flight energy where it is not possible to convert this into enthusiasm and one finds oneself frustrated.  This can turn to mania.

From which one has to be careful of accumulating emotional damage that will only be mentally acknowledged later...

Blimey gone all Shakespearean maybe:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them ..."

So I've asked AI about that...

"No, Hamlet likely would not have achieved a "better" outcome even if he understood his emotions, as his tragic flaw of indecisiveness, coupled with the pervasive conspiracy against him, made his demise almost inevitable. His emotional instability was a driving force behind his actions, and if he'd understood and controlled it, he might have acted more decisively, but the play's tragic structure and the political machinations still would have led to his death and the deaths of many others"

Ooops, that took a dark turn sorry!

Best Wishes and thanks again Stuart333