Feeling so hurt

Yep thats the holiday! What was meant to be a chill in a beautiful paradise turned out to be worse than hell! I completely agree with you about the violence, all I get is the “I’m your dad” excuse! I’m not a child anymore but he treats me like one and speaks to me like one and if I don’t do what he wants I get so badly told off it’s super embarrassing! If I don’t want him to touch me he get aggressive and then like forces me to hug him, even in bed. I say that’s inappropriate but he says “I won’t do anything to do I’m your dad” that’s not the point! It’s his way or no way and says if I don’t get my own way I get stroppy but it’s literally the other way around! All he does is rub in how I’m not rich or nice looking compared to others and how thick I am. If I was better looking I’d not have been mistaken for his wife, and if I had qualifications he’d appreciate and be proud of me more. Well sorry but I’m not Rachel Riley! 

As for my mum, she wasn’t here on holiday as she is going away with her (nice) sister and her family on Friday for 11 days so she doesn’t need the jet lag! I’ve explained all to her and she has also tried to explain but it’s all to no avail when it comes to explaining to my “dad”. And with other fights again it’s been when my mum hasn’t been around because she’s been looking after her mum or again been on holiday with her sister etc. she was also staying with her mum for a while when she took a nasty injury and needed a smaller place to get around so again fights with dad happened those times too. 

Thank you for your reply! I’m so sorry to hear about how you also have CPTSD as well. I was always super close with my mum until her sister started tearing us apart. I mean as I’ve said before we lost touch with the toxic ones but the trauma and doubts linger with me. My mum always wanted kids but my dad didn’t and what hurt me the most was he said the only reason why I’m here is because of his so called anti abortion beliefs but he wished he got my mum to go the clinic all those years ago. Sometimes parents just don’t care and I think they only have kids because they feel they “have” to be completely human. 

Im just so glad to be living alone now as I have that freedom but I also have to deal with the traumas and of course the bills and everything. As for the nhs they are just super useless and give you the worst possible “remedies” so they can save money! That’s why I’ve have to pay for a general assessment as you just don’t get that on the nhs, not where I am at least. Also agree with the therapists, they don’t seem to understand or care and they just want the money regardless of going nhs or private. I’m looking into a psychologist and maybe give therapy one last shot as I don’t feel I’ve had very good counsellors but I don’t know. 

Does your Dad realise he is saying hurtful things? If not, can you tell him that what he is saying is making you feel worthless?

if he is being cruel deliberately and continues to say hurtful things, it may be best to cease contact with him. It might be helpful to put yourself in control by telling him (verbally or in writing) that you are ceasing all contact as you don’t wish to hear any more of his harmful comments. It may be a difficult thing to do, but it means you call the shots, not him. 

Years ago, I had to stop all contact with my father as he was manipulative and subjected my mother and I to verbal abuse. It was tough at first, but ultimately it was the best decision. 

I've been operating on a low-contact basis with my family (parents and siblings) for decades. I visit my mother a few times a year, perhaps out of a sense of obligation (I don't know, really). I show up when invited by my siblings to major family events, but otherwise I have little contact. We are all civil to each other (now), but I'm never comfortable, always tense. I have to work hard to keep my mask in place. I find it all very stressful.

Unless there is a realistic hope of change, you'll have to set your boundaries and reduce or cease contact with people who are "cruel" and "hurtful" and who make you feel "traumatised" and "worthless". I don't think it is selfish to ask yourself the question, "What's in it for me?"

Is this a follow on from your holiday from hell you've been on?

I used to have a lot of stuff like that from my Dad, the cruelty of those hurtful comments feels unbeievable, like stabs to the heart, it feels deliberate and designed to destroy you and leave a quivering wreck. 

I think it's domestic violence, just because he's your dad and not a partner dosen't mean its not domestic violence, check out some of the DV charities and get some help, advice and support from them. Where's your Mum in all this?

I know this feeling well! living with my mother till 29, stayed in my room all the time because if i went down stairs shes just complain about every flaw i had and demean me, and behind my back say things like ( the only thing i taught him was manners ) - like saying it was my own fault i couldn't learn! she never taught me anything other then I'm useless/worthless! 

but i finally got away, had to do it myself! because the NHS didn't care, therapist didn't care they never helped, and i don't trust them, the only thing i ever got from my mother was C-PTSD! ( yeah thanks for that ).

but trust me if you never!!! give up! you will get moved away from it! and then start to recover and be your true self! - i still struggle but i still have HOPE! for a better future not only for myself but for everyone! maybe social prescribing could help you - ask your GP! just keep looking forward! Pain could be your driving force to get away and will lead to healing! but 1 step at a time! might take years! but if less then extra bonus!