Feeling so hurt

I've been operating on a low-contact basis with my family (parents and siblings) for decades. I visit my mother a few times a year, perhaps out of a sense of obligation (I don't know, really). I show up when invited by my siblings to major family events, but otherwise I have little contact. We are all civil to each other (now), but I'm never comfortable, always tense. I have to work hard to keep my mask in place. I find it all very stressful.

Unless there is a realistic hope of change, you'll have to set your boundaries and reduce or cease contact with people who are "cruel" and "hurtful" and who make you feel "traumatised" and "worthless". I don't think it is selfish to ask yourself the question, "What's in it for me?"

I've been operating on a low-contact basis with my family (parents and siblings) for decades. I visit my mother a few times a year, perhaps out of a sense of obligation (I don't know, really). I show up when invited by my siblings to major family events, but otherwise I have little contact. We are all civil to each other (now), but I'm never comfortable, always tense. I have to work hard to keep my mask in place. I find it all very stressful.

Unless there is a realistic hope of change, you'll have to set your boundaries and reduce or cease contact with people who are "cruel" and "hurtful" and who make you feel "traumatised" and "worthless". I don't think it is selfish to ask yourself the question, "What's in it for me?"

I think you’re right! I have been wanting to break contact for years now but my mum always talks me out of it. 

Damojo said:

I have to work hard to keep my mask in place. I find it all very stressful.

Tell me about it! I mean whenever it’s just me and him I have no choice but to mask everything! Like I’m not allowed to do what I want or say what I want, if I want to do something different I get shouted at. My nan was actually kind enough to give me £50 for me to spend whilst away but I wasn’t allowed to get anything I wanted as it was too expensive! He wouldn’t even allow me to chat to anyone in case someone asked me out. Also wasn’t allowed to wear jewellery or make up as it makes me look too adult! I’m approaching 26 yet I can’t feel or even look mature like an adult.

I can’t see any hope of change at all to be honest and I’ve never been close with him and the fact I can’t act like an adult is really demeaning but it’s like all the traumas and voices get so vivid when I try and make my own decisions it doesn’t feel right. I am away now but he doesn’t even care or think what he has done is wrong and I’m fed up of saying sorry for things he caused but if I don’t say sorry he will actually embarrass me in public so yeah. I don’t think he will care if I break contact I just hope my mum will accept that I want nothing to do with him now.