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No wanting friends or relationships.

HighToryPsychic

Hello. I am really pleased to have joined this community. I recently came to understand that I am autistic after moving out of my parents house a year ago. I am 32. 

I enjoy just being on my own in my flat, not talking to anyone for 4 days in a row. I am not interested in having friends or relationships with anyone. I do play wheelchair rugby, have a personal trainer and visit my family. But I have never been interested or liked having 'normal' friends. I have a couple online friends who I have met, but they don't live close to me. 

Its something I struggle with because people are meant to want friends and a romantic partner, but I never have. Even since I was a young child/teenager. I am wondering if anyone else feels like this and how they understand it. Thanks. 

  • You are still here because you have been loved and somebody loves you. Noone is truly alone. Don't worry so much about what other people have, the modern world is designed to make you jealous and want to buy more things. There is no point in trying to manufacture relationships, from my experience these are rarely authentic or last. Focus on what you can do and what you enjoy doing, people who matter will see you shine at that.

  • I think I cope better with having friends than a partner. I don’t have to live with my friends and we only meet up for a short amount of time for our shared interests. As someone who struggles with sexual relationships I find it very hard having a partner. 

  • in reply to Charrrr

    Yes I agree with you, we are all pressured to find a partner and have a family. I love my little family but would happily live on my own, I enjoy solitude, doing things without any interruptions. 

  • Hey, I completely understand. I've lived by myself for 10 years, and sometimes I don't leave the house for weeks at a time, and I don't speak to anyone within that time - unless it's for work. I do have some friends but they're not geographically close either, and I like it that way bv I very rarely see them, so there's no pressure to have to do things I don't want to.  

    I'm very happy being completely by myself, I have no desire to have a partner or people around me, and I've always known this since I was young as well. There is too much expectation and demand put on socialising in society, but I sometimes just wondering if it's just another cog in the wheel of capitalism bc it's easier to sell to people who fit into certain social structures. so it feels good to reject that whole idea as well. 

  • Hey, I'm 32 too, diagnosed this year!

    I don't mind socializing with people for a particular purpose - book club, board game nights, I don't mind seeing friends occasionally and when I say occasionally, I mean a couple times a year! I like doing things on my own. 

    I do have a partner I live with though and I adore him. Maybe I would feel differently if I was single.

  • I'm the opposite I want friends and a relationship but struggle to make them happen. 

  • I have a few friends, but I have learned that it's okay to only have a few and not try so hard. - or none in person at all if that's the preference.

    I've lost friends because I can't keep up, I don't respond to messages, I don't often want to catch up, and when I do, I get tired out quickly and want to run home to my cat and quiet.

    I've accepted now that the ones I've lost is fine and no longer try to really make new friends or force myself to maintain them.

    I now have a few, who accept me being mostly unmasked around them, they understand the challenges, so we meet only in cool and quiet places, not in the heat or noisy cafes. And they accept that they don't hear from me frequently.

    But when we do see each other, we love it and have plenty to talk about, I feel seen and heard and loved. And then they let me go back to my little home and know they will see me again when they see me.

  • I’m 35 years old and was late diagnosed last year, I can understand what your saying regarding friendships, I like to be on my own a lot and do my hobbies without distractions, my social battery is very low, I’m hypersensitive to sounds and lights, so once that noise level hits I’m depleted quickly. I have a son who is also autistic and he’s my absolute world, he’s the only one who I fully unmask around.

    other than that I have 0 friends I prefer online communication

  • I enjoy being on my own so much, but it’s taken a long time and a lot of heartache and pain to find out! I have a few friends and I love them a lot, but after meeting up with them it takes time to recover, where I need to sleep or zone out or spend a few hours alone doing my thing. It’s okay to feel the way you do. 

  • I do like having friends but like friend who I can go weeks or months without talking to

    ita a big reason I struggle at work im expected to see these people everyday and if im being honest out of the 30 odd people ive work with ive only ever made anything like a friendship with mabie 7 of them?