Hate the saying"Were all a bit autistic"

Another issue why this can be annoying is that, if you are autistic and need support or have certain needs (time in solitude, for example), then one may interpret that we should just cope (because "everyone is a bit autistic", but most don't receive support, request sensory adjustments and so on..) 

So I think that even if we share some aspects, and even if some people are a bit autistic, this is a disability for which there are specific assessments, tests, and specialists, and these determine whether you are or not in a meaningful sense.

So many people can't cope with solitude, when they see another wanting some alone time, their first instinct is to rush in and ask you whats wrong and insist there must be something or you wouldn't be wanting to be alone and try and "organise" you. This makes everything so much worse for all concerned.

Another one many can't cope with is muted lighting, the first thing they do is come in and switch all the lights on, 'what are you doing sitting here on your own in the dark?' is the accusation frequently thrown at us.

Why do people who are afraid of the dark or rather the not brilliantly lit and being on your own ending up in the caring professions? I'm sure it's some sort of projection.

So many people can't cope with solitude, when they see another wanting some alone time, their first instinct is to rush in and ask you whats wrong and insist there must be something or you wouldn't be wanting to be alone and try and "organise" you. This makes everything so much worse for all concerned.

Another one many can't cope with is muted lighting, the first thing they do is come in and switch all the lights on, 'what are you doing sitting here on your own in the dark?' is the accusation frequently thrown at us.

Why do people who are afraid of the dark or rather the not brilliantly lit and being on your own ending up in the caring professions? I'm sure it's some sort of projection.

I certainly agree with that, Phased, if you were repeatedly sticking your hand in a fire, people wouldn't be trying to make you keep doing it, but when it comes to social interactions and normative sensory demands, that's effectively what we're being asked to do.

NT's may not understand how our brains work, but they could at least try, especially when you're in a place thats meant to be safe for ND people or those suffering other conditions such as PTSD. I often wonder if half the problem isn't just that NT's don't understand us, but themselves and thier own brains too. I've known several people who've recovered from mental health problems or are at least in a good place, who find a lot of the same things as we do, not liking bright lights, loud and sudden noises and a need to decompress away from others.

Oddly enough in the sorts of spiritual and personal growth circles I use to move in the ability to be able to spend time alone and not be constantly surrounded by noise and people was seen as a good thing, you weren't afraid of what was going on in your own head. I've had discussions with people about this topic and people either get or they really don't and react in a way thats almost phobic. When these people are in positions of power over ND's etc, it's really unhelpful, they use terms like "self isolating" which we'd think of as just sitting having a cup of tea and staring out of the window. I think our brains need this "off" time when we're awake as well as when we're asleep and I don't just think it's us ND's that need it, probably the ones who need it most are the ones least likely to seek it out and will find noise sources such as radios and tv's to take their minds off it all

As I said Ann :) I wonder if sometimes we expect too much of neurotypical people - they don't think like we do.  Evidence suggests that even when we tell them what and how we think they judge by neurotypical standards that we are wrong...  Takes a lot to shift that mindset...  hmmm have some less kind suggestions about how one might achieve this however the nicest I can come up with ultimately is educate them until they do...

I agree with the setting boundaries thing because most of them are neurotypical ones after all - especially when they are applied in order to exert some sort of unfairly justified pressure.  Maybe the deepest issue is that when we force ourselves to fit because society and individuals expect us to this can lead to a loss of sense of self - and that is the most damaging thing in my experience so far.

Oh yeah that sounds awful. I hate it when people assume they know what is good for someone else’s emotional wellbeing. 

Yes; for me, it was quite hard to learn to put boundaries, and still is. Maybe it was the worst part.

One of the reasons is that I am not spontaneous or "dynamic"; I am unsure how my mind works but the process is slow. I end up in muddy waters. Another reason is that people (sp relatives and friends) pressure-or-get-angry at you, just like TheCatWoman described (or how I interpreted it).

When you force us to fit-in, it silently harms you, maybe forever (due to the number of times this happens, and the anxiety it produces.)

I agree with your comments TheCatWoman 

I came across this in an article yesterday (link to it on a post to the full text with due credit that I created yesterday because I thought it a really good article generally) I've been naughty and removed some bits  of it like the references in it to hopefully make it more readable.

 "Studies also suggest that several traits commonly considered “inherent” to autism might be more accurately reframed as symptoms of repeatedly engaging in painful interactions.. “It is possible—perhaps even likely—that for some, ‘both emotional poverty and an aversion to company are not symptoms of autism but consequences of autism’.  ”This theme of “Neuronormativity as Disabling” thus adds crucial nuance.....” Rather than framing struggles with face-to-face interaction as inherent to autistic individuals, it highlights how such challenges are shaped by normative sensory demands and the “unwritten implicit social codes of the neurotypical majority”!

The person who wrote the article is a professor and not autistic and obviously brought together and put a lot of skilled work into coming to this understanding.

This is not a direct answer to your question however.....I wonder sometimes if we expect too much of neurotypical people, after all their brains are not built to understand things the way autistic people do.