Hate the saying"Were all a bit autistic"

I read a sentence that reminded me of this post. It was: 

Neurodivergence (antonymous with “neurotypical”) is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide variety of human experiences, including autism, ADHD, personality disorders, bipolar disorder, and others.

Source.

Regardless of the word "antonymous" which I am unsure is the best choice, it prompted me to think that Neurodiversity which is not mentioned there. Neurodiversity is more like saying humans (or human brains) come in different colours; ND and NT are just two colours. 

Some people saying "Were all a bit autistic" may conflate neurodiversity and neurodivergence due to sounding similar. Maybe neuro-atypical would be less confusing, so that neurodiversity is more clearly distinct from neurodivergence.

(I may be wrong that's how I currently see it.)

An unrelated paragraph I found interesting in the source was:

Some ND people find it difficult to participate in real-time discussions in chat rooms or in person, and mediums like emails and other long-form slow discussions are easier for them to engage with.

I certainly agree with that, Phased, if you were repeatedly sticking your hand in a fire, people wouldn't be trying to make you keep doing it, but when it comes to social interactions and normative sensory demands, that's effectively what we're being asked to do.

NT's may not understand how our brains work, but they could at least try, especially when you're in a place thats meant to be safe for ND people or those suffering other conditions such as PTSD. I often wonder if half the problem isn't just that NT's don't understand us, but themselves and thier own brains too. I've known several people who've recovered from mental health problems or are at least in a good place, who find a lot of the same things as we do, not liking bright lights, loud and sudden noises and a need to decompress away from others.

Oddly enough in the sorts of spiritual and personal growth circles I use to move in the ability to be able to spend time alone and not be constantly surrounded by noise and people was seen as a good thing, you weren't afraid of what was going on in your own head. I've had discussions with people about this topic and people either get or they really don't and react in a way thats almost phobic. When these people are in positions of power over ND's etc, it's really unhelpful, they use terms like "self isolating" which we'd think of as just sitting having a cup of tea and staring out of the window. I think our brains need this "off" time when we're awake as well as when we're asleep and I don't just think it's us ND's that need it, probably the ones who need it most are the ones least likely to seek it out and will find noise sources such as radios and tv's to take their minds off it all

My starting point was the medical report following diagnosis. I listed the criteria for a diagnosis of ASD, e.g repetitive behaviours, communication difficulties, sensory experiences etc., and how those behaviours manifest in me.

The profile of ASD was sourced between the ASD medical report, the NAS website, books and online research papers. I describe it as a neurodevelopmental condition.

I have strategies for various social scenarios and for appointments with doctors and people I must engage with. 

I have a list of responses ready if people make disparaging comments about autism. In reality, there wouldn’t be time to check my phone to help me make a timely response, but I am working on memorising them in the hope of verbalising appropriately.

I gleaned much information from some of the excellent posts on this forum and I am currently working my way through Niamh Garvey’s new book, The Autistic Guide to Communicating and Connecting. It has useful strategies for making daily life smoother.

As I said Ann :) I wonder if sometimes we expect too much of neurotypical people - they don't think like we do.  Evidence suggests that even when we tell them what and how we think they judge by neurotypical standards that we are wrong...  Takes a lot to shift that mindset...  hmmm have some less kind suggestions about how one might achieve this however the nicest I can come up with ultimately is educate them until they do...

I agree with the setting boundaries thing because most of them are neurotypical ones after all - especially when they are applied in order to exert some sort of unfairly justified pressure.  Maybe the deepest issue is that when we force ourselves to fit because society and individuals expect us to this can lead to a loss of sense of self - and that is the most damaging thing in my experience so far.

I agree. A single conflict causes me deep, damaging, loop thoughts, sometimes it's so stressful,  that I bang my head of a wall to reduce the stress, then I get headaches.  But I always hear, that im just obsessing and have to chill out. To me it sounds like as if I got an electric shock and then I he: chill out! Everything is fine!

Conflicts are rare in my life, because I usually don't recognise on time, that someone was an a**hole to me, or I don't even know about it till someone else tells me "hey, they bullied or abused you, how can you let them treat you like that?" Etc. I'm usually a peaceful person living in my own world.

Oh yeah that sounds awful. I hate it when people assume they know what is good for someone else’s emotional wellbeing. 

I’ve had this said to me before as well by an employer- it didn’t make me feel good as it does somewhat minimise the experience. However I think when people say this  they don’t mean harm but it comes from a genuine lack of understanding of what autism is. I think people say it as maybe they want to make us feel less different or more included but it can come across as dismissive and I also didn’t feel good when it was said to me. There are worse things people say sometimes though in my opinion - like that autism is just an excuse for being lazy/ a failure and that I am ruining my life by considering I might be autistic (that was when I was in process of being diagnosed). I wish people were more tolerant and also better educated about autism. That could make everyone’s life easier and better…. 

Yes; for me, it was quite hard to learn to put boundaries, and still is. Maybe it was the worst part.

One of the reasons is that I am not spontaneous or "dynamic"; I am unsure how my mind works but the process is slow. I end up in muddy waters. Another reason is that people (sp relatives and friends) pressure-or-get-angry at you, just like TheCatWoman described (or how I interpreted it).

When you force us to fit-in, it silently harms you, maybe forever (due to the number of times this happens, and the anxiety it produces.)

I agree with your comments TheCatWoman 

I came across this in an article yesterday (link to it on a post to the full text with due credit that I created yesterday because I thought it a really good article generally) I've been naughty and removed some bits  of it like the references in it to hopefully make it more readable.

 "Studies also suggest that several traits commonly considered “inherent” to autism might be more accurately reframed as symptoms of repeatedly engaging in painful interactions.. “It is possible—perhaps even likely—that for some, ‘both emotional poverty and an aversion to company are not symptoms of autism but consequences of autism’.  ”This theme of “Neuronormativity as Disabling” thus adds crucial nuance.....” Rather than framing struggles with face-to-face interaction as inherent to autistic individuals, it highlights how such challenges are shaped by normative sensory demands and the “unwritten implicit social codes of the neurotypical majority”!

The person who wrote the article is a professor and not autistic and obviously brought together and put a lot of skilled work into coming to this understanding.

This is not a direct answer to your question however.....I wonder sometimes if we expect too much of neurotypical people, after all their brains are not built to understand things the way autistic people do.

well put 73290 

The phrase “we’re all a bit autistic” is harmful because it minimizes the real experiences of autistic people. Autism isn’t just a personality trait or a quirk—it’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how someone experiences the world. Saying this erases the challenges and strengths unique to autistic individuals and turns a serious identity into a casual stereotype.

So many people can't cope with solitude, when they see another wanting some alone time, their first instinct is to rush in and ask you whats wrong and insist there must be something or you wouldn't be wanting to be alone and try and "organise" you. This makes everything so much worse for all concerned.

Another one many can't cope with is muted lighting, the first thing they do is come in and switch all the lights on, 'what are you doing sitting here on your own in the dark?' is the accusation frequently thrown at us.

Why do people who are afraid of the dark or rather the not brilliantly lit and being on your own ending up in the caring professions? I'm sure it's some sort of projection.

Another issue why this can be annoying is that, if you are autistic and need support or have certain needs (time in solitude, for example), then one may interpret that we should just cope (because "everyone is a bit autistic", but most don't receive support, request sensory adjustments and so on..) 

So I think that even if we share some aspects, and even if some people are a bit autistic, this is a disability for which there are specific assessments, tests, and specialists, and these determine whether you are or not in a meaningful sense.

I was one of those who would say this phrase without any real understanding of autism itself. I still cannot claim to understand it really and even less in others because I can’t get a firm grasp on how others think. A lot of what others do and their behaviours just don’t seem logical or thought-through to me at least. It presents in so many ways too which adds to the overall confusion for me. 

The very simple answer is "no, we're not". People that say this are talking on a matter that they don't understand. I would be tempted to point them in the direction of some reading material to educate themselves further and avoid making foolish errors in the future, but not sure how well that would go down. Maybe you could recommend them for some training in neuro diversity at your place of work? You never know, they might even end up apologising for their previous ignorance.

TheCatWoman said:

It could be that autistic people get along better with each other

I think they do, from what I see in my daily life working with autistic children. They share empathy in much the same way as neurotypical people do and many form solid friendships- it's just with across the divide it doesn't work. 

I have pondered this, as adults will often say that their experience of school was very isolating, my own included. I think it's due to opportunity, having an appropriate space to socialise. 

That's such a good idea. How did you come up with the phone information? Was it just from Google searches or something more specific? I think that's a great resource for anyone who finds it hard to explain things.

Somebody said that to me when I naively disclosed my autism diagnosis. It made me feel horrible and although I knew it wasn’t true, it took me a while to recover self-worth, which wasn’t a high bar to start off with.

I keep a condensed account of what autism is and how it affects me, on my phone. I have a longer version too which I edit it as new information comes to light. I like having it to hand in case I need the information quickly.