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regret over shying away from living

Mercury

Since my teens when bullying, living in fear of other kids and being singled out were regular, I had withdrew from a lot of growing up and failed to reach my potential in school and in college rarely interacted with other students and stagnated doing IT courses, hanging around alone during breaks.

Now at mid 30s few things have changed irrevocably, my body had aged yet my mind has been stuck for 15 years.  I do not take rejection and scorn well, see everyone around me as potential threats and didn't count on the tremendous obstacles, expectations and fluctuating emotions transitioning into an adult.

Maybe I am immature, ill developed and a poor excuse for an adult.  Living with constant shame of being behind everyone else and never really being acknowledged or accepted, just existing.

  • in reply to Iain

    Some lose their self confidence entirely and this can stem from all you mentioned above. You then become a shell, just someone existing on the outside of society and never feeling part of it, of course this is amplified in some cases by autism anyway but it takes a lot of positive structures and experiences to begin to climb out of that hole. Reading about philosophy or becoming more of a philosophical individual can help change the way you perceive the world, when you’ve got a firm grip on what really matters other things become less fundamental to your overall enjoyment of life. 

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    no one wants their heart broken but that’s living and it’s only avoidable if you avoid people altogether

    I find it much safer to go into a relationship expecting there to be questions, issues, possibly rejection but also companionship, conversations with someone who gets your communication style, good experiences and possibly intimacy and love.

    A variation of the saying to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

    The positives far outweigh the negatives, especially if you can look on them positively.

    That's just my take on it.

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    I’ve seen on this forum before others speaking of a sense of feeling immature or younger than they are, perhaps this is down to autism?

    I believe you are right.

    Part will stem from the common experience of social rejection, part from trauma and part from us avoiding things that make us anxious - all these take us away from the peers where NTs will typically share the experiences / tactics / skills of maturing and thus get there well ahead of us.

    That is my opinion anyway

  • in reply to Mercury

    There’s no rules saying your partner can’t take you as you are. It may be easier to avoid emotions sometimes, no one wants their heart broken but that’s living and it’s only avoidable if you avoid people altogether. So you’ll have to decide what’s better…. staying as you’re? or taking a chance? You’ve already identified the struggles you may encounter, nothing immature about that is there.  

  • I once said that I would have liked to experience a relationship of my own, but lacked the necessary skills and maturity.  But maybe that's for the best, I probably couldn't handle the increased responsibilities, emotional resilience and self awareness of finding and keeping people, but on the other hand, spared the consequences of rejection, heartbreak and getting in over my head.

  • I’ve seen on this forum before others speaking of a sense of feeling immature or younger than they are, perhaps this is down to autism? It can be the case that our interests remain the same even from our earliest memories to now as adults. I’m in my mid to late 30s and still only have perhaps a handful if that of genuine interests. It’s also quite normal to in some way feel damaged or less than what you believe a person should be. I have felt this way on and off most of my adult life, it can be disabling, it can become a habit of judging yourself against others which never helps. I think if you can, you need to appreciate yourself and find some inner peace.