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regret over shying away from living

Mercury

Since my teens when bullying, living in fear of other kids and being singled out were regular, I had withdrew from a lot of growing up and failed to reach my potential in school and in college rarely interacted with other students and stagnated doing IT courses, hanging around alone during breaks.

Now at mid 30s few things have changed irrevocably, my body had aged yet my mind has been stuck for 15 years.  I do not take rejection and scorn well, see everyone around me as potential threats and didn't count on the tremendous obstacles, expectations and fluctuating emotions transitioning into an adult.

Maybe I am immature, ill developed and a poor excuse for an adult.  Living with constant shame of being behind everyone else and never really being acknowledged or accepted, just existing.

Parents

  • I’ve seen on this forum before others speaking of a sense of feeling immature or younger than they are, perhaps this is down to autism? It can be the case that our interests remain the same even from our earliest memories to now as adults. I’m in my mid to late 30s and still only have perhaps a handful if that of genuine interests. It’s also quite normal to in some way feel damaged or less than what you believe a person should be. I have felt this way on and off most of my adult life, it can be disabling, it can become a habit of judging yourself against others which never helps. I think if you can, you need to appreciate yourself and find some inner peace. 

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  • I’ve seen on this forum before others speaking of a sense of feeling immature or younger than they are, perhaps this is down to autism? It can be the case that our interests remain the same even from our earliest memories to now as adults. I’m in my mid to late 30s and still only have perhaps a handful if that of genuine interests. It’s also quite normal to in some way feel damaged or less than what you believe a person should be. I have felt this way on and off most of my adult life, it can be disabling, it can become a habit of judging yourself against others which never helps. I think if you can, you need to appreciate yourself and find some inner peace. 

Children
  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    I’ve seen on this forum before others speaking of a sense of feeling immature or younger than they are, perhaps this is down to autism?

    I believe you are right.

    Part will stem from the common experience of social rejection, part from trauma and part from us avoiding things that make us anxious - all these take us away from the peers where NTs will typically share the experiences / tactics / skills of maturing and thus get there well ahead of us.

    That is my opinion anyway