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regret over shying away from living

Mercury

Since my teens when bullying, living in fear of other kids and being singled out were regular, I had withdrew from a lot of growing up and failed to reach my potential in school and in college rarely interacted with other students and stagnated doing IT courses, hanging around alone during breaks.

Now at mid 30s few things have changed irrevocably, my body had aged yet my mind has been stuck for 15 years.  I do not take rejection and scorn well, see everyone around me as potential threats and didn't count on the tremendous obstacles, expectations and fluctuating emotions transitioning into an adult.

Maybe I am immature, ill developed and a poor excuse for an adult.  Living with constant shame of being behind everyone else and never really being acknowledged or accepted, just existing.

Parents

  • I once said that I would have liked to experience a relationship of my own, but lacked the necessary skills and maturity.  But maybe that's for the best, I probably couldn't handle the increased responsibilities, emotional resilience and self awareness of finding and keeping people, but on the other hand, spared the consequences of rejection, heartbreak and getting in over my head.

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  • I once said that I would have liked to experience a relationship of my own, but lacked the necessary skills and maturity.  But maybe that's for the best, I probably couldn't handle the increased responsibilities, emotional resilience and self awareness of finding and keeping people, but on the other hand, spared the consequences of rejection, heartbreak and getting in over my head.

Children
  • in reply to Mercury

    There’s no rules saying your partner can’t take you as you are. It may be easier to avoid emotions sometimes, no one wants their heart broken but that’s living and it’s only avoidable if you avoid people altogether. So you’ll have to decide what’s better…. staying as you’re? or taking a chance? You’ve already identified the struggles you may encounter, nothing immature about that is there.