Trying to date a male with autism & dyspraxia

I used to do a very stressful job with long hours. There is a drive to focus on work and autism makes you single minded so that other things are blocked out.

I struggled to do anything much in the evening, just rest or maybe have a beer or two to relax and slow my mind.

But I would have been able to text or have a call.

I might have avoided too many calls or them being long as miscommunications becomes easy and more common. I'd sometimes say the wrong thing.

I got depressed due to the stress which can cause dysfunctional thinking and over interpretation. I'd be confused but not know what to say. I'd mask as well.

I do think he is being avoidant though. Not following up on plans does not sound right.

If you are interested still, I'd suggest a face to face meeting and to be clear what you expect. Rules are very helpful. Then he has a choice to make and you know where you stand.

Thank you Stuart333 for the response, really appreciate it! I think the dyspraxia plays a part in being able to organise stuff and follow through a bit. From what I've read it sounds like when an autistic person is overwhelmed with feelings or stressed, needs to recharge etc and is citing a deep low and shutdown that you were just supposed to say that you're there for them when they're ready (which I have done)? I initially tried suggesting a call but given he said he struggles with personal space and emotions but he's ignored it. 

I really can't tell whether this is just ghosting BS or whether this is someone with autism who has shutdown temporarily and will come back?

Thank you Stuart333 for the response, really appreciate it! I think the dyspraxia plays a part in being able to organise stuff and follow through a bit. From what I've read it sounds like when an autistic person is overwhelmed with feelings or stressed, needs to recharge etc and is citing a deep low and shutdown that you were just supposed to say that you're there for them when they're ready (which I have done)? I initially tried suggesting a call but given he said he struggles with personal space and emotions but he's ignored it. 

I really can't tell whether this is just ghosting BS or whether this is someone with autism who has shutdown temporarily and will come back?

If seeing someone once every 2 weeks is too much, and a text or call is a challenge, then what sort of future do you have. Maybe I am being harsh and he is getting close to falling apart through work. But that is not going to help the situation.

After some months it should be getting easier to talk,  he should not be more distant. A text is not that challenging.

It is your choice if you want to wait or try to set some rules. But communication is essential, as it is the only way to overcome the autistic relationship challenges. If that breaks down it is going to be frustrating and misunderstandings are guaranteed, especially as dysfunctional thinking or cognitive distortions are likely to accompany being overloaded.

He may need help from a therapist, but he will probably be too stubborn and not make time for it.

I refused help, but like I said I'd did not know what was happening, I thought I was being manipulated and it was different times.

The plan thing I think is more dyspraxia than anything, it will just be that at the beginning of the week he'll say let's do this on the weekend. And then the weekend comes and he'll be like I need to recharge or this has happened. So we end up meeting every 2 weeks and it's normally me organising but he does has a work schedule when he's travelling or working all of the time.

I hope he doesn't have someone else but I know that work is a succubus of everything for him. He had to take some days off as the pressure had got too much recently which I'm pretty sure is highly unusual but yes by my book too he could explain or call or text.

Thank you for your kindness and explanation, it's appreciated!

I got overloaded at Christmas after several years of pressure and had what might be called a mini breakdown,  having not really recovered from the same thing in 2021 due to COVID pressure. I could still just about work and not many people noticed, but I was an emotional wreck crying every evening and in the car to and from work.

The point being that 8 months on I am not fully back to normal. So if you get fully burnt out it is months to recover.

I concluded 30 years ago I couldn't live with someone and pushed my partner away not knowing why she made me feel so bad . But I didn't know I was autistic till 2 months ago. I was just confused, traumatized, and badly and chronically depressed.

But he knows he is autistic. So I would not cut him much slack. He can read what to do.

There is no excuse for being rude or not following through on plans. Don't make a plan if you won't do it. An autistic trait is loyalty and reliability.

You have done the right thing.

But I'd say you are not that important. He has his work, or someone else, higher. Actions speak louder than words.

Autism makes it hard to lie, maybe why he is quiet.

I bet he is still working. He could call if he wanted to. He did when you suggested it was over.

He is milking it and being avoidant in my opinion. It will continue like this and you will be annoyed with yourself if you put up with it.

I'm sorry for you.  Have a virtual hug.